Lightlife Meatless Foods

Update Reviews, 2019+

I am not a vegetarian, but I went through a phase of trying different vegetarian meat substitutes for fun.  Back in 2017, I tried a variety of offerings from Lightlife, which I reviewed back then (including the decent enough bacon, the breakfast sausage I really did quite like, the chicken that my family liked, and the hotdogs that ... yeah, no).  

Anyway, I decided to get back into trying more Lightlife foods, and this time branched out into the deli meats (spoiler: no!), sausages (decent), and meatless grounds (my family liked them).

Deli Meat

Deli meats come in all the crowd favorites: turkey, ham, bologna, and pepperoni (plus some more veggie obvious ones ... "Chickpea & red pepper deli slices" and "white bean and kale veggie slices".  I've successfully used the pepperoni before in the past, so I had a bit of hope that other deli meats might work out.

As a bologna lover, I was most excited for that one, but alas, no store near me, nor where I ever visited, had it.  I went with just the turkey and ham, not really excited about the veggie slices.

SMART DELI: Turkey.

Deli meats all come packaged in attractive packaging, with lovely looking sandwiches on full display.

Inside is a sealed bag with the block of deli meat, individually sliced.

It ... did not look very appealing.

SMART DELI® TURKEY.

"This one goes out to all the sandwich fans. Now your melts, paninis, and clubs can now be made plant-based with the mouthwatering flavor of Smart Deli® Turkey. The taste you love, without the saturated fat, cholesterol or nitrites. So stack your sandwich high and chow down."

The first variety I tried was the "turkey".  It looked slimy and very processed.

I tried a bite, just a bite of the slice, nothing added.

It ... was slimy.  It tasted funny.  I don't really know the words to use to describe it ...  I mean, imagine wheat gluten, soy protein, and some strange additives, plus onion/garlic/salt and a touch of smokiness, and ... that is what it is.

The texture was actually fine, a bit of chew to it but not much.  The slight smokiness was kinda nice.  But it certainly didn't taste like turkey, and it certainly didn't taste good.

We used it in several ways, trying classic bagel sandwiches to start (with melted pepperjack, caramelized onions, lettuce, tomato, honey mustard, and bbq sauce), and all the toppings did help kinda mask the turkey oddness.  We tried it as a Thanksgiving inspired creation, a warm turkey sandwich on a sweet potato roll, with stuffing, melted provolone, cranberry sauce, and plenty of gravy, and again, it did kinda mask it.  But we were just trying to mask it, not enjoy it in any way.

I would not get it again. *.

SMART DELI: Ham.

"No matter how you slice it, Smart Deli® Ham adds that savory, smoky taste to any dish, from a simple sandwich to a croque monsieur, without any of the saturated fat, cholesterol or nitrites in traditional deli slices."

Next up was the ham inspired version.  It looked equally as odd as the turkey version, just, darker and a bit less slimy.

I liked it more than the turkey, no question, although it didn't have as much smoky flavor.  The texture was good, and it just tasted kinda like tofu slices to be honest.  I liked it more when I grilled it, and turned it basically into a bacon-like product.

Still, not something I'd get again. *+.

Sausages

Although the hot dogs were not a success for us, we decided to check out the full size sausages, available in two pre-cooked forms (Italian or Chorizo), and two raw forms (bratwurst or Italian).  We tried both of the pre-cooked, known as "Smart Sausages".

The Smart Sausage is made of soy protein, wheat gluten, and tapioca starch, and both varieties come heavily spiced.  At about 140 calories each, they are a pretty light option.

Packaging.

Smart Sausages come as 4 packs, and look like pretty much any normal sausage in the packaging.

SMART SAUSAGE® ITALIAN.

"With all the traditional Italian spices, Smart Sausage®Italian adds just the right flavor to your pastas, pizzas or simple sausage, peppers and onion dishes." 

We started with the Italian sausage, with visible flecks of the spices.  Once I opened the package though, it was clear it wasn't exactly normal sausage, it looked fairly nasty to be honest, a bit slimy, and had no casing.

Into the Grill!

Preparation instructions recommend pan cooking, and not-as-recommended microwave instructions are also provided.  I went rogue however, and grilled them, like real sausages, on my indoor grill.  It seemed much easier than the pan (meh, oil, meh turning it!), and likely far better than a microwave.

I was slightly worried when I opened the lid after a few minutes to check on them, as part of the sausage had stuck to the lid, and tore off.  Uh-oh.

Grilling Away ...

So I did my best trick: I just closed the lid and pretended there wasn't a problem, and added the onions and peppers I was planning to top it with to the other side of the grill.

Perhaps it was some liquid from the searing onions that helped, or maybe they just needed time to form a crust and release, but, I had no problem in the end, the grill worked great, and, I got a nice crispy snap to the exterior.

Italian Smart Sausage + Grilled Onions & Peppers in a Pretzel Bun.

For the first sausage we tried, worried it wouldn't exactly be tasty, we had a plan to help it out as much as necessary: grilled onions and jalapeños, delicious pretzel bun, and a battery of condiments standing by.

This wasn't actually necessary, as the spices in the sausage were actually very good, and I think it would be great just sliced and added to pasta, or, as they say, just served as with onions and peppers.  It was very, well, "Italian" tasting, with onion, garlic, tomato, and red and green peppers inside.  Quite flavorful.

The base sausage tasted like ... I'm not sure what.  Like veggie sausage I guess, it certainly wasn't a meat fake in any way, but it wasn't a bad taste.  The texture was fine, and I think the grill helped a ton to get it crispy.  I think it would be pretty odd in a microwave though.

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised by this, and would have another.  ***.

Smart Sausage: Chorizo.

"Perfect on the grill, our Chorizo Smart Sausages® pack a punch in your paella or Spanish omelet. Or simply put one in a bun, and enjoy a quick, plant-based, and protein-packed meal."

Next up, the chorizo.  Like the others, it looked slimy and unappealing fresh from the package.  Instructions again were to pan fry, or microwave if I must, but I still choose to grill (and then finish in the oven).

Grilled Smart Sausage: Chorizo.

Sadly, it was nothing like the Italian version.  It ... was, well, a smart sausage.  I was fairly shocked at how differently I felt about this one from the Italian and from the breakfast sausage, but, I didn't like it at all.

The taste was 100% fake meat, it had no smokiness I associate with chorizo, and was just ... not tasty.  It did have paprika, garlic, onions, and other spices, but, they couldn't save it. *.

Grounds

Grounds come in many styles, the original pre-cooked Smart Ground crumbles were one of LIghtlife's early flagship products, but they also make Smart Ground in a Mexican version (easy for throwing into taco salads!), and in a more natural looking "raw"-ish ground version, plus burgers (also raw-ish), tubes of beef (uh, not very natural looking), and, fully formed, cooked, meatballs.

Mexican Smart Ground Nachos.

I've used the regular Smart Ground in spaghetti sauce many times, and the diners had no idea it was not real ground beef.  Very successful, particularly in texture.

My partner regularly uses either leftover regular, or the Mexican version, on nachos for a super easy weeknight dinner: chips from pantry, Smart Ground, queso, and whatever veggies he can find in the fridge, microwave for a couple minutes, dinner is served.

SMART MENU® PLANT-BASED MEATBALLS.

"Try slow-cooking these plant-based meatballs in your favorite sauce to make something the whole family will enjoy—and feel better about eating."
When I saw these at the store, I quickly snagged them, after finding the Smart Ground to be surprisingly easy to work with.  But what is even easier?  Pre-formed items, like, meatballs.

I wasn't entirely sure how we'd use them, but many easy weeknight meals sprung to mind: throw them into marinara sauce and throw over spaghetti, clearly, classic.  The packaging, and description, certainly encouraged doing something more ambitious like slow cooking them with a sauce (hmm, bbq? Sweet and sour?).  I  pondered gravy style over egg noodles like a stroganoff.  So many possibilities.

Meatballs.

My hopes and dreams were a bit crushed when I opened the package though.  They ... did not look very appealing.  At all.

But still I plodded on.  They came with a bit of "sicilian sauce" on them, with tomato paste, sun dried tomatoes, vinegar, and spices, but it was pretty negligible and just made them slimy.  They had dehydrated garlic, onions, and bell pepper inside for a bit of extra flavor.

The package came with 9 nicely sized meatballs - not giant, but not tiny, and suitable for nearly everything I was thinking.  Perfect for two dishes as part of a meal.  They held their form well.

Directions suggested that they strongly prefer I cook them on the stovetop, in my favorite sauce, but super easy microwave instructions were also included - literally, 45 seconds in the microwave.  Clearly, the stovetop would help me brown them up, but, I was in a rush, and went the easy route.  Don't judge.

I tried one just heated up.  Well, huh.  The texture was good, the flavor was not bad.  It really had a kinda sausage taste to it.  I kinda liked it.  So I got to crafting ...

Meatball Sub.

From my freezer, I pulled out a torpedo roll.  I knew I froze the extras for a reason!  Wrapped it in foil, and into the toaster oven it went while I grabbed a drink and a plate, and forgot about it for a few minutes.  It was warm and toasty by the time I was ready for it.

Into the bun I placed 5 meatballs, which I warmed in the microwave with my favorite marinara sauce, for just 2 minutes.  I sprinkled parmesan cheese over the top.

Dinner was ready in, quite literally, 5 minutes.  And it was delicious.  ****.

I made another a few days later with the rest of the meatballs, and added a few mozzarella sticks alongside one edge of the bun (also from the freezer), and felt like I should have been on an episode of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives.  It was a "genius" move, adding gooey cheese and crunch to the mix too.

Definitely recommend this product.  And meatball subs!

Breakfast

Every year for Christmas day, my family has a large brunch, featuring my mom's amazing bread pudding, sticky buns, and biscuits, and a standard lineup of breakfast staples like hash browns, scrambled eggs, bacon, and of course ... sausage.

For sausage one year, I grew sick of the mediocre offerings from the local grocery store, and used it as an opportunity to try out Lifelife sausages, which I reviewed then, and was pleasantly surprised by.  I got them again this year, and again, nearly everyone had no idea they were veggie sausages, and enjoyed them.

Gimme Lean Sausage: Raw/sliced.

"Whether sliced, diced or crumbled, Gimme Lean® Sausages makes it easy to enjoy traditional sausage flavors in your plant-based meal."

Sausage comes in a tube, ready for use as you please - crumble it, dice it up for an omelet, or as we did, just slice into patties.  I didn't even bother form them into real patties, just sliced, and used.

Cooking instructions were easy, to cook in a skillet with oil, for about 5 minutes total, flipping once.  They sizzled just like regular sausage.

Gimme Lean Sausage: Cooked!

The sausage browned up beautifully, developing almost a crust even, and again, it just looked like regular sausage.

The texture was remarkably similar to regular sausage too, a bit of texture to it, nothing that really seemed ... off.  No strange taste nor funk either.  I really enjoyed it with some maple syrup drizzled over it (my preferred way to eat sausage) and with a biscuit.

I'd definitely get this again. ****.

Original Review, 2017

Lightlife is a plant based meatless (vegetarian and vegan) food producer.  They have been in business since 1979, long before meatless eating was such a big thing.

Lightlife has a large product line at this point, with frozen foods, refrigerated items, and shelf stable meatless jerky.  The frozen food line is fairly new, and includes pastas (stuffed raviolis), bowls (so trendy, of course they include quinoa, kale, tempeh, and more), and veggie fritter snacks, none of which I have tried.  The majority of the products are refrigerated meat alternatives: tempeh (meh, I never like tempeh so I didn't try this), hot dogs, sausages, burgers (not available near me), veggie ground beef, chicken (er, chick'n), breakfast items, and deli meats.

I tried all that I could find, and, was honestly surprised by some of them.  I'm not a vegetarian, but I have no problem replacing some of my meat choices with their offerings.

Breakfast

"Start your day off with a heaping helping of vegetables – in the form of our bacon and sausage – and feel good for the rest of the day."

The breakfast lineup includes bacon, sausage patties, and ground sausage for slicing or crumbling as you please.  I was able to find these items at most locations carrying Lightlife products.

Smart Bacon

"Whether served up with scrambled eggs or topping off a burger, Smart Bacon® brings that hearty bacon taste to your meal. But unlike traditional bacon, Smart Bacon® is vegan and free of saturated fat and cholesterol."

Nutrition wise, the bacon sounded pretty good; each slice is only 20 calories, with 2 grams of protein and only 1 gram of fat.  No cholesterol.

The ingredients aren't particularly wholesome though, made from soy protein, isolate, vital wheat gluten, soybean oil, soy protein concentrate, textured wheat gluten, fermented rice flour, autolyzed yeast extract, carrageenan, potassium chloride, and then the only non-scary ingredients: salt, sugar, natural flavor, natural smoke flavor, spices, and paprika.

Packaging.

The bacon comes vacuum sealed in plastic, about 14 slices to a package, sold in the refrigerated section.  It had a reasonable shelf life, with an (unopened) expiration of almost 3 months after I purchased.  Once opened, you need to cook or freeze within 3 days.

It was a bit annoying to separate the slices though, they kinda stuck together, and I needed to use a knife to slide between them, else they broke apart.

The packaging provides several cooking methods, and I tried them all, plus, uh, my own.

Batch #1: Into the skillet!

The recommended cooking instructions are in a skillet over medium heat with oil.

So, I went with their recommendation.  I can't say it looked particular appealing in its raw form.

Batch #1: 2 Minutes In!

After about 2 minutes of cooking though, things were looking better.  The total cook time is supposed to be about 3.5 minutes, flipped once, so I flipped them at this point.

They were starting to kinda look like bacon, and, did actually sorta smell like bacon too.

Batch #1: 2 More Minutes!

After another 2 minutes, it really did look like bacon!

I like my regular bacon crispy, so, I went a little longer than recommended, since I thought I'd want this crispy too.

Batch #1: Overcooked.

But ... I definitely over cooked it.

It was hard as a rock, and not that enjoyable.  My bad.

Batch #2: 1 Minute In.

The next batch, I flipped right at the 1 minute mark.

Batch #2: 3.5 Minutes.

And I cooked it only the recommended 3.5 minutes.

This came out much better, but, it was still very crispy.  Like I said, I like crispy bacon, but, it just had no flexibility to it.  Ojan however liked it this way.

The consistency was also obviously not bacon-y, as it just snapped in pieces, rather than having a chew to it.

It did have a decent smoky flavor, and, I'll be honest, the taste wasn't bad, it certainly didn't taste like random soy compounds.

Batch #3: Waffling!

The next batch, I went against all instructions.  You know how obsessed I am with waffling everything, so, I couldn't resist waffling the bacon.

I put it in at 450 degrees, as that was the temperature Lightlife recommended for oven cooking.

It took longer in the waffle iron, and, since it was so thin, it didn't have a whole lot of contact with the grills on top, so it didn't get much of a signature waffle look.

Still, this was a very easy way to cook it.

Batch #3: Waffled Bacon!

This batch was clearly the winner for me, in an interesting way.  Because all of the surface wasn't in contact with the waffle iron plates, it stayed a bit flabby where it didn't touch.  And ... that just gave it a lot more texture, making it a bit chewy, a bit more like real bacon.

I'd certainly make it like this in the future.  Ojan however liked this the least and asked specifically to have it crispier next time.

Batch #4: Baking Tray.

The final cooking method listed on the packaging is to bake it in an oven or toaster oven, coated with oil, on a tray.

Batch #4: Baking.

As with the skillet preparation, you need to flip the bacon as it cooks.  Total recommended cook time is 5 minutes, but, Ojan wanted crispier bacon, so I let it go a bit longer.

The result was fairly similar to the skillet preparation, just a tiny bit flabbier, a tiny bit chewier.  My second favorite cooking method.

BLT'ed.

After sampling each variety on its own, I made it into a BLT, with some delicious perfectly ripe in-season heirloom tomatoes, lettuce, and of course, plenty of mayo, on homemade bread.

The result?  Really quite delicious.  I'm not sure I'd want to eat the bacon just on its own for breakfast with some eggs, but, put into a BLT it totally worked, and delivered everything I wanted.  I think it would likely work great in a breakfast bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich too.

So, overall, success, and, I'd actually do this again.

Gimme Lean Sausage

Breakfast sausage is available in pre-formed patties, or in a tube.  I opted for the tube, since I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do with it when I bought it (crumble it in something? Make patties?)

Gimme Lean Ground Sausage.

"Whether sliced into patties or added to omelets and casseroles, Gimme Lean® Sausage makes it easy to enjoy traditional sausage flavors in your meatless meal. But this cholesterol-free meat alternative is a heart-healthy swap, making it a delicious win-win."

I forgot to take a photo of the ground sausage in its packaging, but it was a tube of ground meatless sausage, ready to be manipulated as you please.  They also sell formed sausage patties.

I simply sliced it into disks and mushed it down into patties a bit.  My tube yielded 9 fairly thick patties, you certainly could have made more.  It was easy to work with, very pliable.

The instructions were to pan fry for a few minutes on each side in oil, which is what I did.  They browned up really nicely.

Sausage Patties!

I served the sausage patties at Christmas brunch, without telling anyone that they were veggie sausage.  I brushed it off as my sister saw me preparing it and said something about having raw meat on the cutting board.

And then I asked what everyone thought of the sausage.

"Its fine," said my sister.  "Tastes like sausage," said my mom.  Everyone just acted like it was normal sausage, no mentions of it being a strange flavor, texture, etc.  When I told them it was veggie sausage, they were all very surprised, and said they really had no idea.

I agreed, and actually quite liked it.  The sausage did get a great crust on the outside, and was well seasoned inside.  The texture was sorta mushy and like bits and pieces, but, well, that is what sausage is.  I didn't taste anything particularly strange.  I particularly liked it with maple syrup on top, as I usually do with breakfast sausage.

Overall, a hit, and I'd get it again.

Smart Deli

"What’s your favorite sandwich? A wrap, a club, a hoagie? Or perhaps a turkey melt, a pepperoni panini or a croque-monsieur? Whether you keep it simple or kick it up a notch, our Smart Deli® vegan deli meats perk up the packed lunch or picnic with plant powered nutrition."

The Smart Deli line is the one I was most excited to try, but, sadly, is not carried anywhere in San Francisco.  The sliced deli meats lineup has versions of ham, turkey,  "bologna", and pepperoni.

I was sad not to get to try these items, but then I found them in my parent's hometown, where even the basic grocery stores seem to carry a slew of Lightlife products (and very few alternative brands), unlike the Bay Area, where each grocery store only carried a few Lightlife products, but at least 5 other meat alternative brands.  Clearly, the Bay Area is more opinionated, and consumers don't stick with one brand for all, they want the best brand per product?

Anyway, I was delighted to find the deli products, and I really was curious about the bologna, but that was the one item I couldn't find.  So I went with my second choice ... pepperoni!

Smart Pepperoni

"Pepperoni is a perennial favorite on pizzas, in calzones or as a snack. But you don’t have to harm a pig to get the bold flavor in your meals. Skip the saturated fat and cholesterol with our vegan pepperoni, and sneak a delicious snack while you make an easy Italian feast tonight."

Veggie Pepperoni Slices.

The pepperoni comes in a bag much like other packaged sliced meat-based pepperoni.  At first glance, it really didn't look much different from the "real" thing.

Raw Pepperoni.

Once you looked closer, it didn't look quite the same as regular pepperoni though.

I tried a slice right out of the bag.  It kinda tasted like pepperoni, but the texture was very off.  The spicing was right, but I also tasted just a bit too much soy protein isolate or vital wheat gluten perhaps.  A little too fake, in its raw form.

But really, what do you do with pepperoni?  You put it on pizza.  I read some online reviews and found many recommendations to put it under the cheese, as it gets dried out on top as it doesn't have the oils of regular pepperoni.

My mom made a pizza with regular pepperoni on one half and we snuck the veggie pepperoni on the other.  We didn't tell anyone about the two pepperonis, but served everyone a slice of each.  All 5 people who consumed the pizza didn't notice.  After dinner, I asked if anyone noticed anything different about the pepperoni.  No one did.  When we told them half of it was veggie pepperoni, they were surprised.  Clearly, this one is an easy one to slip in unnoticed (if you want to do that for some reason).

Chick'n

"Cutlets, wings, tenders and strips – however you like your chicken, we have a tasty veggie alternative for you."

The Chick'n line is not sold in the Bay Area either, where Quorn chicken products dominate.  Lightlife makes cutlets, tenders, and buffalo wings, only three items, compared to the Quorn empire.  And although I don't like chicken, and I don't really like "fake meat", I have to admit, I used to seriously love the Quorn gruyere chicken cutlets.  But Quorn products are all soy-free and made from mycoprotein, whereas Lightlife products are made from soy protein, so I knew they'd be nothing alike.  Still, I couldn't resist trying.

Smart Wings Buffalo.

"Perfect for snacking during the big game or for a fun take on a dinner entree, these veggie buffalo wings will spice up any plate. The saucy flavor always satisfies."

I went for the buffalo "wings".  The wings came packaged in a vacuumed sealed bag with the sauce already mixed in.

Cooking the wings ...

Cooking instructions were provided, and the recommended preparation is to skillet fry for a few minutes on each side.  I dumped the package into a skillet.

Slight Browning.

The wings did brown up slightly on each side after a few minutes.  The sauce smelt great as they cooked, but, I scraped out every little bit of sauce, and this is all there was.  More sauce on the side, or I guess in the bag, would really have helped.

Plated Up!

I plated up my wings with ranch dipping sauce (we had no blue cheese), and served them to my mom, Ojan, and myself of course, as an appetizer.

The buffalo sauce was actually pretty good.  Not super spicy, but flavorful, and I really wished more was included.

The wings ... were interesting.  The inside was very mushy.  Unlike the pepperoni, I didn't think they looked or tasted like real chicken at all.  But, the flavor of the sauce was great and the product wasn't bad overall.

My mom was more enthusiastic, "I still don't get how they get that chicken texture!", she said, clearly thinking they had nailed the whole chicken thing.  "They aren't bad", she said.  "They are okay", was Ojan's evaluation.

So, overall, a success, although I wouldn't personally get them again.

Burgers N' Dogs

"Red, White, and Green. A healthy twist on all American favorites.  Grab the ketchup and mustard—It's time for a BBQ you can feel good about with our plant-based burgers and hot dogs."

Lightlife makes 3 types of burgers (tempeh, black bean, and quinoa), and 3 types of hotdogs (tofu pups, "smart dogs", and jumbo smart dogs).  I opted to try the Smart Dogs because I really like regular hot dogs (yup, my secret gross thing I love!).

Jumbo Smart Dogs.

"This slightly larger hot dog is full of traditional hot dog flavor for the larger appetite. Try one Chicago style – topped with yellow mustard, fresh onions and tomato, sweet pickle relish, pickled sport peppers, a dill pickle spear and a dash of celery salt on a poppy seed bun – and treat your taste buds to something spectacular."

I picked the Jumbo dogs over the regular dogs for no reason other than ... why not?  Jumbo dogs are double the size of the regular dogs.

The Smart Dogs come packaged in the same way as traditional hotdogs, 5 to a pack, refrigerated.  I always found regular hotdog packages annoying to open, and these were no different.

Grilling Smart Dogs.

The hot dogs looked considerably more rubbery than traditional hot dogs.

The package gave instructions on to cook on the stove top in boiling water (again, just like normal hot dogs), or on a grill (again, just like normal hot dogs), or in a microwave (in a dish covered with water ... which is never how I made regular hot dogs in the microwave).

I was planning to try several methods so I could best evaluate, but, laziness got the better of me, and I decided to just grill them all on my trusty George Foreman Grill (dug out from the depths of my kitchen cabinets).  You can bet I was tempted to waffle them.

The instructions told me to coat the grill with oil, and I'm glad I did, as they got very easily stuck, even on the nonstick surface.  I rotated them several times throughout the cooking time, and each time, they were a bit stuck.  They did get decent grill marks, resulting in something that did sorta look like a hot dog.  They even looked juicy and plump.

Smart Dog: Inside.

I had hope for these, given my love of actual hot dogs and the looks.  The texture was pretty similar to a regular hot dog, although it had no casing, and thus no snap to it.  Overall, the mouth feel wasn't bad.

The flavor though wasn't great.  It tasted like ... soy.  We all took one bite and said, "yup, that's a veggie dog".  No matter how many fun toppings I put on, there was certainly no way to hide the strange flavor.  Soy protein isolate, pea protein isolate, tapioca starch, xanthan gum, rice flour, guar gum, etc, etc just aren't very tasty.

I would not get these again, but my vegetarian guest thought they were pretty normal.

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Quaker

Update Review, 2024

Quaker, along with their obviously popular cereals and granola bars, also makes a fairly large product line of rice snacks.  Large format standard rice cakes, smaller, crunchier Rice Crisps, super thin and even crispier Rice Thins, and triangular Rice Chips.  All come in a variety of flavors.

Rice Crisps

"'With so many crunchy ways to snack, you might not be able to pick just one. They’re a great lunch time sidekick, after school snack or movie night munchie."

The rice crisps look just like rice cakes, but, smaller.  They are however fairly distinct, not just due to the size, but due to the crispy factor.  They are much crunchier/crisper, less airy and fluffy. They come in 10 flavors, some sweet and some savory.  I tried a few.

Caramel.

"These sweet, buttery, caramel flavored rice crisps are a low fat snack the whole family will love."

I love caramel corn.  I appreciate healthier snacks.  These seem like such a perfect snack for me.  And yet ... I always want to like them more than I actually do.

The crispier and thinner than regular rice cakes or caramel corn form factor isn't quite as enjoyable for me.  I prefer a bit more puff to my snacks.  The two-bite size works, but, overall, the rice crisps form lets me down a bit.

The flavor also lets me down.  It is intensely caramel-y.  Very sweet.  Very very sweet.  Again, this seems like I should like it, full of buttery caramel notes just as promised.  But they lack any addicting salty counterpart, and thus are just sweet on sweet.  I like to dunk them into whipped cream, but just eaten on their own as a snack, I want a big more balance.

I want to love these, but generally think they are barely ok, and kinda need to talk myself in to finishing off a bag.  **+.

Apple Cinnamon.

"What do you get when you combine the flavors of tangy apple with tasty cinnamon and crispy crunchiness? Totally delicious rice snacks that will leave you speechless – mostly because your mouth will be full."

I didn't select the apple cinnamon flavor, but my mom had them in her cabinet, so of course I tried them.  They delivered strongly in both the apple and cinnamon flavors.  Very classic fall flavors, warming spices.  Not really what I go for, but, I give them credit for really amping up the flavor.  **+.

Buttermilk Ranch.

"Crispy and crunchy meets creamy and peppery. Get acquainted with a crispy rice snack with zesty and delicious ranch flavor. You'll want to head for the ranch at snack time."

Another flavor I wouldn't naturally pick, but my mom had bags of them at home, so, why not try?  I again almost sorta liked the form factor, somewhere between a chip and a rice cake, but sorta wished they were either even thinner and crispier like a chip/cracker, or thicker.

The flavor, like the others I tried, was quite intense.  They seemed very true to the buttermilk ranch.  Creamy, herby, yep, ranch.  Certainly not a flavor I gravitate towards (not for chips, not for dip, not for salad dressing), but, very true to what they set out to be, and I did enjoy the savory flavor enough to easily finish the bag without a second thought of handing it off to someone else.  I wouldn't purchase on my own, nor seek out, but, they weren't bad.  ***.

Original Review, 2013, with updates from 2020

If you read my blog on Fridays, you know that I've been on an epic quest to find some granola.  I've kinda failed, concluding that the granola from Target is my favorite so far, even when compared to all sorts of expensive, artisan granolas, but its not like I'm running out to get more of the Target stuff.

Chewy Granola Bars

So now, I turn my attention towards granola in a slightly different form: granola bars.  Like with granola, the variance is high.  What percentage is oats? Is it chewy or crispy?  Loaded with fruit and nuts?  Loaded with sugar? Weird protein powders?  They can be 100 calorie light snacks or 500 calorie sugar bombs.  The choice is yours.

I've reviewed a few granola bars in the past, but I'm going to dive in for the next few weeks, doing a different brand every Friday. To start this series, I'll begin with a classic: Quaker.  Yes, the oatmeal people.  I've tried some of their "Chewy" product line over the years. 

The "Chewy" product line is available in several forms: classic granola bars, 25% less sugar, Big Chewy (60% bigger), yogurt (coated), Dipps (dipped in chocolate). 

Classic Chewy Granola Bars

"Quaker®Chewy Granola Bars are a delicious snack that you can feel good about giving to your kids. All classic flavors of Chewy are made with 100% whole grains and other yummy ingredients, like real chocolate chips and raisins, and no artificial flavors or added colors."

The basic chewy bars claim to be decent healthy choices, made with whole grains and no high fructose corn syrup.  About 100 calories each. 

The granola base for all is oats and brown rice crisps in several formats.   They are available in 7 flavors, 4 fairly basic (dark chocolate chunk, oatmeal raisin, chocolate chip, peanut butter chocolate chip), plus a handful of slightly more fun ones (peanut butter and marshmallow, s'mores, and chocolate-brownie-licious).

Chewy Granola Bars Assorted Pack.

I got the assorted pack, which contains 4 varieties, all of which I tried.

I haven't really liked any - they taste incredibly sweet, fake, and generic.  My tasting notes are not very extensive, as I just haven't really wanted anything to do with these, and handed them off to my niece (who, does adore them). Meh.

Chocolate Chip.

"Nothing gets chocolate lovers cheering like a Chocolate Chip Quaker® Chewy Bar. Every chewylicious bite is made with real, mouth-watering chocolate chips the kids will love."

Most varieties use the chocolate chip as the base.

The little chocolate chips are ... fine.  The mix of crispy things in the base is fine.  It *is* chewy as advertised, pleasantly so.

But it is just a sweet, generic granola bar, targeted at kids, and, I found nothing interesting with it. *+.

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip.

"If you like the delicious flavors of peanut butter and chocolate chips, you’ll love Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Quaker® Chewy Granola Bars."

I moved on to the peanut butter chocolate chip.  Made with the same base of oats and crispy rice, with little tiny chocolate and peanut butter chips.

I had it when I was craving chocolate and peanut butter.  After eating it ... I was still craving chocolate and peanut butter.

This was a pretty standard chewy granola bar, very sweet, and not anything special.  I love peanut butter and chocolate together, but neither was very strong in this product, both sets of chips seemed to be more waxy than flavorful.  There were not actually any peanuts in here, only the "peanut flavored chips". 

It was sweet and kinda gooey, so I guess there is that? *+.

S'mores.

"Our S’mores Quaker® Chewy Granola Bar takes a family favorite from the campfire to your cupboard."

Swap out the peanut butter chips for mini marshmallows and you get the s'mores bar.  My review is exactly the same.  It really is the same product, just with tiny tiny marshmallows that get easily lost in it.  Chewy, too sweet, meh. *.

Oatmeal Raisin.

"Oatmeal Raisin Quaker® Chewy Bar is a delicious snack made with raisins, oatmeal cookie pieces, 10 grams of whole grains and other yummy ingredients. "

My favorite of the lineup was strangely the oatmeal raisin.  It at least had some spices in it (cinnamon, etc) and the raisins were not hard pellets.  That said, it was still just sticky sweet, which made no sense with the healthier flavor, and I didn't want a second bite. *.

Prior tasting notes: "Sweet, meh. Not tasty."  Lol.  I had few words back then.

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Maple and Brown Sugar.
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Standard granola bar, ok maple flavor.

Prior tasting notes:  Pretty good when crumbled up on top of fruit and whipped cream, but very sweet, too sweet to just eat as a bar.  *+.

Chewy Yogurt

"Quaker Chewy Yogurt Granola Bars are made with real fruit pieces, whole grains, a delicious yogurt-flavored coating and other yummy ingredients. These BERRY tasty bars are a snack that the family will love!"

Even though I didn't like the Classic Chewy bars, I still tried a bar from the yogurt lineup, when my little niece rejected her box full.  Available in strawberry or blueberry only.

Strawberry: Top.

"Quaker® Chewy Strawberry Yogurt Granola Bars are made with 14 grams of whole grains, real strawberries pieces, a delicious layer of yogurt flavored coating and other delicious ingredients. With a taste your whole family will love, this yummy snack won't last long in your cupboard!"

The first thing I noticed when I opened the yogurt bar is that it is much bigger, thicker.  Perhaps more like the Big Chew bars? It also was a dryer style, less gooey.

I liked the granola base more than in the classic bars, the mix of oats, brown rice crisps, etc worked better for me here for some reason.  And I even liked the little pops of intense fruitiness from the bits of dried strawberries.  But it was very, very, very sweet, the base has sugar, honey, glucose, invert sugar, and brown sugar after all, and the dried strawberries are sweetened with glucose syrup and fructose too.  

Much better texture for me, but still, wowzer, sweet.  

Strawberry: Side.

The part I really did like though, embarrassingly, is the "yogurt" coating.  Yup, that would be the sugar, vegetable oil, palm oil, why, soy lecithin, etc, etc.  It too was very sweet. But it was creamy, and I kinda liked it.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that I cut off the bottom (it was entirely coated) and just, uh, ate that.  The box was going in the trash otherwise, no other adults wanted to try them, and alas, 2 year old declared "yucky"!

Best Quaker granola bar product I tried, for the yogurt coating only :) **.

Update Review, 2018

Quaker is not exactly an unknown brand to me.  I grew up with their instant oatmeal (maple and brown sugar, with extra maple syrup added, FTW!).  Their granola bars were probably the first granola bars I ever had.

I recently tried some of their breakfast bar products.  They make two varieties, harder style "Breakfast Flats" (like Belvita perhaps?) and softer "Breakfast Squares" (like Nutri-Grain).  I tried the later.

Breakfast Squares

"Your morning just became more satisfying with Quaker® Breakfast Squares. Available in Strawberry, Baked Apple Cinnamon and Peanut Butter flavors, these filled soft baked bars are an easy way to fill up and help start your day. Not to mention, each square is made with whole grain oats and other delicious ingredients to make this one fulfilling square."

Breakfast Squares seem to be their version of something like a Kellogg's Nutri-Grain Bar, just, square shaped.  Your basic soft baked oatmeal based bar in a few flavors, handy grab-n-go breakfast.

I tried two varieties, strawberry and apple cinnamon.  The fruit fillings weren't really winners, but I did like the oatmeal bar itself.

Packaging.

The bars come individually packaged, in a plastic wrapper with a clear section showing through to the bar within.

The packaging is interestingly *not* a square, so I assumed that inside would also actually just be a oblong bar.

Strawberry: Top View.

"The sweet taste of strawberries is always refreshing. That’s why Quaker® Strawberry Breakfast Squares are a great way to help start your day. Whole grain oats, whole wheat, strawberry puree and other tasty ingredients create the satisfying breakfast snack you’ll love to enjoy. "

But, they are actual squares.

From the top, it looks just like a fairly standard oat based soft-ish bar.

I did like the oatmeal based bar.  It wasn't quite as soft as I was hoping, but it had good texture from the oats, and a nice sweetness level from brown sugar.  Basically, yup, oatmeal in bar form. *** from that component.

Strawberry: Side View.

From the side you can see the generous strawberry filling layer that runs through the center.

The strawberry I didn't really like.  It was fruity, but, not in a "yay, fresh strawberries!" sense.  No worse than any other bar of this nature, just, not something I like.  It really was generously stuffed though, so if I had liked it, I would have been pretty thrilled.

I just peeled off the oatmeal bar bits and enjoyed it that way, but kept finding myself wishing I had some of my mom's strawberry jam handy to slather on.  So yes, if that strawberry filling had delivered, this would be a great choice. ** overall though.

Baked Apple Cinnamon.

"Apple & cinnamon, the classically delicious duo that blends sweet and spice. We love this combination in our Baked Apple Cinnamon Quaker® Breakfast Squares, the surprisingly satisfying breakfast snack. Enjoy 23 grams of whole grains, cinnamon, sweet apple puree and other tasty ingredients in a square that may become your new favorite apple cinnamon snack!"

Next I tried the baked apple cinnamon.

My review is basically the same.  The oatmeal bar was actually pretty good, nice sweetness and texture.  The filling though?  Mush, that was like low end apple sauce, spiced in ways I didn't like.

I again just peeled off the oatmeal bar, and ate that part (uh, dunked in whipped cream).  **.

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