Taco Bell

Update Review: November 2022

Another year, another World Series, another base stolen, another free taco.  I still don't plan to ever purchase something at Taco Bell, but this was probably the best taco I've had so far.

Soft Taco (refried beans). $1.99.

Since I never care for Taco Bell hard taco shells (regular or Doritos locos), I went for a soft taco this time, planning to throw it in to my panini press when I got home to crisp it up a bit.  I also opted for the only protein I haven't found horrible before, the refried beans.

The soft taco shell was about as average as it gets, but that is an ok thing, it wasn't stale at all.  The beans too, about as average as it gets, soft mushy refried beans, like I'd get in a can, no better, no worse, no real seasoning to speak of.

Soft Taco: Fresca ... but not.

I also modified my soft taco to be fresca style, which replaces the cheese with tomatoes, but, um, mine came with both.  Normally the taco comes only with lettuce and cheese, and you can add tomatoes for another $0.80, or go fresca style, and get lettuce and tomatoes.  So, I lucked out here I guess?  The lettuce was again, just totally average, shredded iceberg, but, not wilted, not brown.  Tomatoes were cubes, not too mealy.  The cheese, as always, was thinly shredded, and not melted.  Boo to the not melted factor, but, I planned to put it in my panini press anyway.

So, overall, highly average, nothing special, but not bad once I added salsa and grilled it. ***.

Update Review: May 2021

For free taco day, you know, the day in May where the moon looked like a taco, and thus Taco Bell decided to give out free tacos, I decided to use the opportunity to try one more kind of taco (why else would I go to Taco Bell and order an item I never care for?)  I certainly knew from past experience that I absolutely didn't want anything to do with the beef, and the refried beans were ... eh, so, I decided to try the other vegetarian option.  Sadly, it too left something to be desired.

Crunchy Taco. Black Bean. $1.59.

For my freebie, I tried the black bean version.  I left it otherwise unmodified, with only cheese and lettuce as the toppings.

It was decently made, with plenty of shredded cheese and iceberg lettuce.  Standard fast food quality.  A scoop of the expected black beans was in the bottom.  Crispy shell.

Overall, it was fine I guess, for what it was, but, um, I don't care for the shells at all (just like I don't like many tortilla chips), and the unmelted cheese just rubs me the wrong way.  The black beans weren't really seasoned, but at least weren't too mushy, and weren't dried out?  So for me, a major "eh".  Even if only $1.59 normally, I wouldn't pay that.

**+.

Update Review: December 2020

Yeah, yeah, yeah.   More Taco Bell.

Yes, the place I hadn't been to, ever in my life, before 2012 when I got a free taco as part of a World Series promo, and wasn't impressed.  And yet, 2020 was the year I went back, several times, as you read about in October.  I went back several more times during the COVID takeout days of early winter 2020, when the drive through really just was the easiest option (although, seriously, "fast food" it was not ... wait times in the drive through lane were ... ridiculous.  Snails pace I say!)

Chalupa Cravings Box (minus drink). $5.99.

Um, yeah.  Because it makes sense to have a taco, a chalupa, a burrito, and dessert, and a sugary drink, all in one meal.

Taco Bell thinks so, with one of their many combo or "Cravings" boxes, the Chalupa Cravings Box, which comes with ... your choice of taco (crunchy or soft), not just any burrito but the ridiculous Beefy 5-Layer Burrito, obviously the Chalupa Supreme, plus Cinnamon Twists for dessert, and a Medium drink, ~1500 calories if you don't modify anything.

I got one to split with my father, and I'll admit, um, I did enjoy some of the goodies in here.

And the box really is a deal - if you add up the items separately, it would cost $11.36!

Tacos

Taco Bell's biggest lineup is likely the tacos, they make up all combo meals, most promotions, etc, etc.  Offered in basic soft or crunchy, with choice of protein (beef/refried beans/black beans) as the standard price, steak or chicken for a free.  They come with just lettuce and cheese standard, but you can add tomatoes, onions, rice, jalapeno, "red strips", sauces, etc, or opt for a particular "style" to get some default changes - "fresco" to replace dairy and mayo with tomatoes for example, "supreme" for sour cream and tomatoes.

Slightly more exciting is the partnership with Doritos®, with the "Nacho Cheese Doritos® Locos Taco", which upgrades (?), the crunchy shell for a crunchy Doritos based shell.

Their version of Chalupas (fried shell) and Gorditas (flatbread around crunchy taco with 3-cheese filling between the shells)  round out the "taco-like" menu.

Nacho Cheese Doritos® Locos Tacos. $2.39.

The last time I had a free taco at Taco Bell, I opted for the refried beans rather than standard ground beef, and made it "fresca", with pico de gallo instead of dairy, as it was about to be discontinued.

This time, I kept it basic, no customizations.

On the outside, it looked the same, signature Doritos Locos Tacos holder, only this time with cheese spilling out.

Nacho Cheese Doritos® Locos Tacos. $2.39.

"A crunchy taco shell made from Nacho Cheese Doritos® is filled with seasoned beef, crispy lettuce, and shredded cheddar cheese."

Well, wow.  This was not very good.  At all.

Obviously I got it for my dad, but I was curious about the ground beef.  I *do* like beef.  

I didn't try the shell, as I have never liked it, and do not like Doritos.  The lettuce was ... lettuce.  The cheese was even more lackluster than I expected, literally just the shredded cheese haphazardly applied on top the lettuce.  I ... knew it wouldn't be melted on but kinda thought it might be adjacent to the beef so it melted a little from warm beef?

And then that beef.  Wow, I did *not* like it.  Mushy, and I didn't realize it was in some kind of ... sauce? Or it was just that mushy and water that with the seasoning it seemed like a sauce?  It was awful.

I don't have a zero star, or negative star rating, but this makes me consider it. No points here.

Soft Taco. Beef. Fresco (December 2020). $1.89.

A month later, I tried again, ordering for dad, a Soft Taco this time, his request.  Tried the beef again, to give it another try.  And went Fresco style, knowing that the pico de gallo was gone, but curious about the tomato quality.

I tried only the beef, just a tiny forkful, and wow, yes, my prior experience seemed to be how their beef is, and it was truly awful.  The texture I just can't get past.  I can't explain what is wrong with it, but there is something just truly foul about it.  ZOMG.  

NEGATIVE STARS that beef!

Fresco as of Dec 2020: just tomatoes.

Taco Bell discontinued the pico de gallo, so Fresco now just gives more tomatoes, which I asked to have on the side so I could evaluate.

Um, yeah.  As expected, pale, flavorless cubes.

*.

Chalupa Supreme, Refried Beans. $3.89.

"FRIED FOOD: A CULINARY MAGIC TRICK

 

If frying food is like hiring a famous wizard to put a spell on it, then the Chalupa Supreme is the ultimate hex. A hex you totally want that is.

You start with something completely ordinary and unexciting, but still something to be desired. Something you know is destined for greatness but it just needs that extra push to really make it mystical and supernatural. Then, you realize what that extra something is and you magically turn it into your favorite food after only a few seconds. That’s all, a few seconds. Oh, you don’t believe in magic, huh? Well, this just got awkward. Would you like a handful of cold potato shavings with your skepticism? No? How about potato chips? Exactly. Do you want this piece of bread shaped like a tire? Gross. Well how about a donut? Boom. Willing to walk away from the latest deep fried concoction at the county fair? Yeah, that’s what we thought. This is what you get with the Chalupa: beautiful witchcraft. All it’s magicalness in one perfect package. Take a traditional flatbread, something already awesome in its own right, and fry it. How does the saying go? Everything is better fried? Something like that, right. Or so we’re told. Once the flatbread is fried, you suddenly have a shell that mysteriously marries chewy and crispy; pure sorcery and pure perfection. Hold onto your wand because we’re not done yet. Fill the flatbread shell with seasoned beef, a three-cheese blend, lettuce, tomatoes, and reduced fat sour cream, and you get a Dante-esque culinary anomaly. You get the Chalupa Supreme. The only greater fried magic trick known to man is turning arbitrary dough splashes, into funnel cake. Now that is nothing short of a miracle. Neither is the Chalupa Supreme. Try one, we dare you."

Ok, now we were getting to something interesting.  Or at least, deep fried.  I'll admit, I was actually, um, excited to try a Chalupa, available in both a regular version, or, the latest innovation, with "6-month-aged cheddar toasted onto the iconic Chalupa shell".  I opted for the original, which comes with beef standard, but knowing how horrible the beef was, opted for refried beans instead.

So, besides fried, what is a Chalula?

First, the shell, the part I was oh-so-curious about.  It is *not* just a crunchy taco shell, or a fried flour tortilla.  Oh now.  It is a fried flatbread shell, much much thicker, puffier, and able to soak up more oil.

And inside?  Seasoned beef (or your substitution), three-cheese blend, lettuce, tomatoes, and reduced fat sour cream.

Fried. Cheesy.  Creamy.  Some "fresh" bits.  I had hope, at least to enjoy the shell dunked in salsa if nothing else.

I was reasonably impressed.

The shell had some strong points - I did love the textural contrast of the crispy exterior, and the softer interior, the thick flatbread works very well here.  It had great bubbles on it, nicely fried, but quite heavy and oily tasting.  It did *not* taste good for you, no question.  Sadly it wasn't very warm, if it was hot and fresh, I could see it being much, much better.

But still, I liked the shell, particularly when smothered in fillings.

***+ for the shell.

Chalupa Supreme: Inside.

So, the fillings.

The refried beans were standard Taco Bell refried beans.  No better nor worse than any fast food, canned, etc, refried beans.  Creamy bean mush.  Not what I want by the spoonful, but nice to have with the shell.

I really don't care for the unmelted 3-cheese blend, so I kinda pushed that aside, the tomatoes were as lackluster and flavorless as came with the Fresco taco, so they joined the cheese.  The lettuce was fine, but yeah, just shredded iceberg.  Nice to have a fresh component, and I had brought extra with me, as I knew I'd need it.

And finally, the sour cream.  It was, um, entirely on the front <1" of the Chalupa.  Literally none anywhere else.  Thanks person who made this for the love and care.  But, I did really want sour cream, and it was fine.

I didn't eat mine as a "taco" exactly, but opted to do it more like a Mexican Pizza, open faced, with crispy shell, smothered in mushy refried beans, sour cream, TONS of Mild salsa (I really like it!), and some fresh lettuce, and actually quite enjoyed this, besides wishing that the shell was hot, and less greasy.

I wouldn't get it again, but it was fun to try, and gave me hope that there actually is Mexican food out there (not at a fast food restaurant, heh), that I can really enjoy.

**+ for the fillings, standard low-end fast food quality.

*** overall.

Burritos

Burritos I rarely hear people mention when they speak of Taco Bell, but Taco Bell does have a decent burrito line up, obviously just the classic version, which you can get grilled as a "Style", or a Quesarito (yup, burrito but with a nacho cheese quesadilla wrapping it instead of standard tortilla), or a Grilled Cheese Burrito (cheese grilled into the exterior, melted into the inside, and nacho cheese sauce inside for good measure), or the 5-Layer Burrito which kinda just mixes all the styles together.  I think the signature Crunchwrap also counts as a "buritto" in their minds, a flour tortilla made into a very different shape and grilled, filled with all sorts of stuff including nacho cheese and, um, a tostada shell - yes inside.

Beefy 5-Layer Burrito. $2.99.

"NO ROOM FOR LETTUCE

 

Sorry, lettuce, RSVP is closed. The Beefy 5-Layer Burrito has got some strict rules and we’re not trying to rebel against them.

No, I get it, your friend Seasoned Beef is DJing tonight. That’s so cool, but we don’t really care. Sorry, not sorry. Unless you’re on the list, you can’t get in. Simple as that. If we let one guy in, well, you know how it goes. We gotta let everyone in. And we just don’t have the authority to do so nor do we really want to. *shoulder shrug* Oh, you’re a personal friend of the promoters Beans and Cheese? That’s really cool too *sarcastic tone*. Well, how about you give them a call, let them know you’re out here in the Beefy 5-Layer Burrito line, and maybe I can let you in. Yeah, maybe they’ll come out and get you and walk you to your “table” you have reserved at the Beefy 5-Layer Burrito. Oh, you don’t have their number? That’s quite convenient. Did you get a new phone? Oh, they got a new phone and never got around to giving you their new number. Well, that right there says more than anything.

Oh, I see, so now your dad owns the club, huh? You sure know a lot of people here. Well, the owner Reduced Fat Sour Cream is coming down from his office right now, so I’m sure he’ll take you, being his child and all, straight to the VIP lounge where you belong huh? Sir? What’s wrong? You look like you’re getting pretty nervous. Oh, you don’t know this guy? Interesting. That’s what I thought. Hey nacho cheese sauce! Get this lettuce character out of my sight; I don’t want him anywhere near the door to this Beefy 5-Layer Burrito. They don’t call it the Beefy 5-Layer Burrito because they have some winkling as bodyguards out front. No, they have beefy bodyguards to keep out all the club crashers. Sorry Lettuce, maybe not maybe next time."

Of course I went big.  Why get a simple thing when you can get, um, a ridiculous creation?  The 5-layer Burrito.

So, this thing.  I really don't know what the 5 layers are exactly.  

Yes, inside, at the core is a burrito, one loaded with basically everything creamy: refried beans, cheese, beef, sour cream ... and it comes wrapped in not one, but two flour tortillas, with nacho cheese sauce between them, like an outer quesadilla basically.  So I think the 5 layers are: flour tortilla, nacho cheese sauce, flour tortilla, beef, beans ... and they don't count the sour cream or other cheese layer? Maybe?  I don't know.

Anyway, standard recipe is that, of course you can modify the beef and beans as you please, and add more in.  This one you can also get Grilled as a style, which I opted for, because grilled burritos are always sooo much better!

I did order it with black beans instead of beef, but, my order came with beef.

From the outside, it didn't look particularly impressive.  It looked like, well, a nicely stuffed burrito, lightly grilled, not that extensive contact with the grill, clearly.  The outer burrito was ... fine? I mean, it is a flour tortilla.

Tortilla (this one and inside one): standard, **, not my thing.

Beefy 5-Layer Burrito: Cross Section.

Of course I cut it in half to understand it better, and to get a chance to go right for the glory, rather than deal with an unstuffed end piece.

Here you can start to see what was inside.  Between the two layers of tortilla was melty nacho cheese sauce.  This layer wasn't nearly as thick or generous as I wanted, given how tasty that nacho cheese sauce was.  I mean, yes, just generic, low brow, plastic, fake orange cheese sauce, but I really did enjoy it (I may have tried to dunk some Chalupa shell into it ...

Taco Bell has chips and nacho cheese sauce on the menu, and this sort of inspired me to want to try those.

Nacho cheese sauce? ***+.

Beefy 5-Layer Burrito: Another Cross Section.

I cut another section hoping to find more cheese sauce, but alas, that really was about as cheesy as it got, from the nacho cheese.

But of course there was the entire inside of this beast to consider too.

It was stuffed full of (horrible) taco beef (that yes, I had ordered black beans instead, grrrrr), refried beans (creamy mush as usual, but I don't mind it), TONS of sour cream, and a decent amount of quasi-melted other cheese.

The fillings were fine, about what you'd expect.  It definitely didn't have any fresh fillings, and no rice, and no red sauce like the standard burritos, but it was all quite creamy, saucy, and combined nicely.

I think if you liked their beef, or if you were successfully able to order without, that this really would be a satisfying, all-in-one, package, a good "on the go", easy item.  Sure, add some salsa as you please, but it had everything else you needed all nicely packaged up.

***+, not that I want another, as I don't care for flour tortillas, but, a nice item.

Sweets

Not exactly what Taco Bell is known for, but they do offer two dessert items: Cinnabon Delights® and Cinnamon Twists.

Cinnamon Twists. $1.

"Do the twist. The Cinnamon Twist. Just a simple, innocent, delicious cinnamon sugar snack. Or is it?

Just kidding. That’s all it is. Simple and innocent but equally delicious. It’s a traditional classic, not unlike the classic old-timey dance it shares a name with. Which, we’re totally not dogging by the way for all you old souls out there who enjoy reminiscing a simpler time and doing the twist on a Saturday night. We get it. New dance moves are always the new craze and it goes back for years. Even today we have new dance crazes what seems like almost every other month. It’s funny to think that not too long ago, the twist was actually how people got their groove on, though. Like we said, times were much simpler, but the times weren’t too long ago. Luckily for you, you can still do the twist by getting you some Cinnamon Twists.

But if the saying “history repeats itself” is true, then, well, don’t be surprised if you see people twist and shout and start using the words like groovy and nifty to describe things that people think are cool. Also, don’t be surprised when people now incorporate the classic dance move with Taco Bell’s iconic Cinnamon Twist. Wouldn’t that be a sight? It’ll give the dance move a whole new meaning. Someone, hurry. Get your phone and record yourself doing the twist with Cinnamon Twist. Let’s see how viral this can go. Recording yourself doing the twist, something you wouldn’t see back in the day. But wouldn’t that be funny? You know what’s even more hilarious though? Realizing we used to do the Twist, but now we’re into stuff like the NaeNae and Twerking. Just wait till you have to explain to your grandchildren the Harlem Shake."

Taco Bell Cinnamon Twists have a rather cult following.  People were so confused by them when they were introduced.  What *were* they made of? What *are* they?  It didn't take long for an employee to post a video, for people to "discover" the myster, that they were ... fried pasta, coated in cinnamon and sugar.  What?!  I'm not sure that is entirely accurate, but, the twists are made from just wheat flour, rice flour, and corn meal, plus, well, cinnamon, sugar, and oil.

I do love fried dough, and cinnamon sugar all over things, so I had hope for these.  I did think they'd be warm, but alas, they were not, even when I got them "fresh".  

They were crunchy, and did have cinnamon-sugar all over them (some more than others), but ... they were pretty lackluster to me.  Crunchy but fairly flavorless, a bit greasy, and the cinnamon sugar wasn't really that dominant.

Eh.  Not sure why people are excited about these.

**, and would not get again.

Update Review, October 2020

Yeah, yeah, I don't really like Mexican food, or tacos, or Taco Bell tacos (at least when I tried before, these certainly weren't part of my growing up), but, um, I can't resist a freebie.  Plus, I was fairly certain that the last free taco I got there was *not* the correct one.  I was curious ... plus, my experience of breakfast at Taco Bell Cantina really was decent enough ...

Nacho Cheese Doritos Tacos Experience.

"Whether or not you're a baseball fan, Taco Bell is offering an incentive to pay attention to World Series 2020. For the ninth year in a row, the fast-food chain will give away free Doritos Locos tacos if a base is stolen during the postseason series with its "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" promotion."

So, yes, I was drawn in by the freebie.  Every year, apparently for 9 years, Taco Bell does this giveaway, a free Doritos Locos taco for everyone if there is a base stolen during postseason.  It is usually a complete disaster, establishments slammed, quality control through the roof, and, as I suspected when I did go once, not even the correct item.

This year however, they added a bonus.  For members of their club, you still got the free one along with everyone else, but the week prior, you also could, at your leisure, order another one, for free.  And you could customize as you pleased (paying for upgrades if necessary).

This sounded easy and a win-win, so, I placed my order on mobile, and got ready to walk in to pick up at the Taco Bell in town, October 2020, yes, during Covid.  When I arrived however, I found that the store was only allowing drive through, and, I kid you not, the drive through line, at 4:45pm on a Sunday, had ... at least 15 cars.  Maybe 20.  I hoped it would move fast.  Note that this location was a combo Taco Bell and KFC, all sharing the same drive through.

The drive through ... did NOT move fast.  Again, I kid you not ... 38 minutes.  38 minutes!  In a tiny town in New Hampshire, when I had placed my order already on mobile.  Luckily (?), they don't actually start your order until you reach the first drive through window, the order placing window, which, um, defeats the whole purpose, particularly as they are making EVERYONE go through drive through.  Sigh.

I was quite frustrated, and I wish I could say it was worth it ...

NACHO CHEESE DORITOS® LOCOS TACOS: Holder.

When I saw the holder for my taco, I was quite impressed.  Seriously, how fun does that look?  Also, it is what made it very obvious that my previous taco was most certainly not actually the right one.

The moment I saw the shell, it was double clear that the previous taco, as I suspected, was totally NOT the Doritos Locos taco.  This one was brilliant orange, as I had expected.

NACHO CHEESE DORITOS® LOCOS TACOS.
Sub beans for beef / "Make it fresco". $2.39.

"You get the same great taste of a Crunchy Taco (just like its supreme version) but with the shell made out of Doritos® tortilla chips. That’s the Nacho Cheese Doritos® Locos Taco for you. 

This taco normally comes with ground beef, shredded cheese, and lettuce, but I opted for beans instead of beef, a free substitution, mostly because I had tried the beef before, but also, I can't say I expected great beef.  You can also opt for the black beans free of charge, or upgrade to chicken or steak for additional fees.  I went for "fresco" style (more on this soon), also free of charge.  Other optional add ons are chopped tomatoes, jalapeño peppers, onions, rice, or "red strips", along with a host of sauces.  While I adore sauces, I stuck with the free ones, and just asked for all the different sauces.

So, let's start with the shell, the compelling, or at least interesting, part of the Doritos Locos taco.  It ... was, yup, a crispy taco shell, that tasted like nacho cheese Doritos.  Exactly what it said it would be.  Seriously, if you like nacho cheese Doritos, and you want your taco made with them, get this.  It was fresh and crisp, nothing bad to say about it, but, uh, I don't like nacho cheese Doritos?  This was free, and I was curious, but otherwise I'd never get it.  I brought it home for my dad.

The beans, refried style, were fine.  Mushy, standard, refried beans.  Not much more to say there.  They were fine.

Same with the shredded lettuce.  It was fine.  Standard lettuce.  Not brown or wilty.  Fine.

It clearly had a couple bits of tomato in it, likely the fresco style that they added on, realized I asked for it on side, and removed.  Heh.

Normally this gem would cost $2.39, which honestly seems like a bit much, but was free as part of the promo.

Salsa Verde on the side: nice container!

Benefit of a combination Taco Bell and KFC?  Nice containers!

I opted for fresco style on the side, and it came in a nice reusable KFC container.  Score.

I appreciated that they even had a checkbox for "on the side" with the fresco style, clearly a common request, to prevent things from getting soggy perhaps?

Pico De Gallo (on the side).
Included with Fresco Style (normally $0.35).

"Replace dairy, mayo-sauces, and guacamole with pico de gallo."

You can make any taco "fresco style", which is supposed to appeal to the healthier, or perhaps vegan, crowd.  My taco would normally have cheese, but I knew it wouldn't be nicely melted on anyway, and the pico de gallo was getting discontinued in less than 2 weeks, so this was my chance to try it.

It certainly didn't look great, the tomatoes were, um, not exactly red, but the taste was good, just classic pico with onions and tomato, but, it had some flavor.  It definitely added freshness to the taco, I'd recommend it, but alas, it is gone from menu now.

Since I opted for the fresco style, the pico de gallo was free, as it replaced the cheese, normally this would be a $0.35 add on.

Original Review, October 2012

As part of the world series, Taco Bell decided to offer up a crazy promotion: if anyone stole a base during the series, they'd give away free Doritos Locos Tacos one afternoon.  Of course, it happened, so the deal was on.  I've never been to a Taco Bell, and had absolutely no intention of taking them up on this lovely offer, no matter how much I love freebies.  I was pretty sure there was no way I'd possibly like it, and I certainly wasn't about to go stand in a ridiculous line for a <$2 free taco.

While I was out running errands, I saw numerous people walking past me chopping on their free tacos.  I still had no intention of stopping in.  I glanced at the Taco Bell as I passed it, ready to (silently of course) mock the people standing in the line.  But, much to my surprise, there was absolutely no line.  At 5pm.  So strange! Of course, now my curiosity peaked.  No line, and a free taco, and it was Taco Tuesday after all, and I was a little hungry ...

So I went in.  It was easy to see why there was no line, they were churning them out constantly.  People basically walked in, nodded at the cashier, and she handed over a taco.  They weren't fake ringing them up or anything, so there was nothing to slow down the process.

I got my taco, grabbed some of the "salsas" to try out, and went on my merry way.  However, I'm pretty sure I received a regular taco, not a Doritos Locos taco.  The shell was supposed to be nacho cheese Doritos flavor, and it most certainly didn't taste anything like a Dorito.  And when I looked at photos online later, those shells were orange colored, and mine wasn't.  Strange.  I wonder if they had run out of the Doritos shells, and she just wasn't telling anyone?

Crunchy Taco.  $1.89.

Described as "A crunchy, corn taco shell filled with seasoned ground beef, crisp shredded lettuce, and real cheddar cheese."

The taco shell was an incredibly generic corn taco shell.  Crunchy.  Basically the same as what you can buy in those taco kits at the grocery store.  I wish I'd gotten the actual Doritos one, as it would at least be somewhat novel!

The lettuce was shredded iceberg, not really crisp, not really ... anything.  I forgot how banal iceberg lettuce is.

Then there was some "real cheddar cheese", just shredded cheese, totally generic, no real flavor, just tasted like processed cheese.  Since it was the last component on the taco, it didn't melt into the meat or anything.  Meh.

The meat was seasoned ground beef, inoffensive enough, but, uh, I kinda wonder how beefy it really was.  It did have some seasoning.  It was only lukewarm, but I'm guessing that is because these were being made en masse.

Basically the most generic taco you could possible get.  It reminded me of the taco kits we used to make when I was a kid.  Absolutely no reason in the world to ever get one of these again.

Assorted Salsas.

• Verde: Watery green sauce.  Slightly more flavor than the verde from Nick's Crispy Tacos, but not a whole lot going on here.
• Hot: Very, very watery red sauce.  Not remotely hot, no real flavor, tasted like watery tomato paste.
• Fire: Thicker than the hot sauce, but entirely smooth, no traces of any vegetables in here.  A tiny amount of flavor.  Best of the bunch, but that isn't saying much.
  

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Boloco, Catering and Take-out, Hanover, NH

Update Review, July 2020

Boloco isn't somewhere I expected to seek out again (or, ever really - I'm not that into Mexican cuisine, and my first experience, at a catered event, didn't give me a reason to try to visit myself), but, in July of 2020, I found myself nearby one, and needed a light meal.  Ok, and I was drawn in by the $1 mini burrito of the week! Thus, Boloco it was.

Limited Menu During COVID.

Due to the COVID situation, Boloco has reduced the menu down, but it was still pretty extensive.

Chips & Queso. $3.50.

Since I wasn't into the salsa last time, I went for the queso this time, particularly after multiple staff told me it was good.

Chips.

The chips were as I remembered, white corn style, nice salt level, crispy.  But just tortilla chips, not really my thing.  I may or may not have had my own deep fried thick cut chips with me to use instead ... and gave these to my dad when I got home.

Queso.

The queso really was good.  Definitely better than I expected.

It was perfectly melty, like, perfectly melty.  Kinda amazing, really.  Liquid, but just thick enough, perfect consistency.  Nicely warm.

The flavor was not just "cheese", it was a mild cheese, but then there was kick from whatever was mixed into it, bits of peppers and onions.  Really, it was quite good.

I was pleasantly surprised by the queso, enjoyed dunking my own chips in it, and later polished it off by smothering some greens with it.

Elote Street Corn Mini. $1!
Mini of the week, usually $6.

"Farro, street corn salsa, cotija cheese, creamy elote aioli, fresh cilantro, tortilla chips."

Throughout the summer, Boloco offered a weekly $1 mini.  The variety rotated through their regular menu, and seemed entirely random.  These normally cost $6!

You had your choice of tofu, chicken, or no protein for that price, or, steak for $1 more.

I went sans addition, since I didn't want chicken or tofu, nor did I want to spend another $1.  Lol.

Elote Street Corn Mini.

"Farro, street corn salsa, cotija cheese, creamy elote aioli, fresh cilantro, tortilla chips."

The filling was definitely ... interesting.

As one who doesn't like rice in her burritos, the farro was a least a touch better, but I still wasn't into it.  I don't want grains inside my burrito!

The street corn salsa was great though, corn, peppers, nice spicing, quite flavorful.  The cotija and "elote aioli" went well with it.  I wasn't into the chips inside really, but I liked the idea of the additional crunch.

I really wished I could just have a burrito filled with the corn salsa, a touch of cheese, and some aioli, heh.  Smothered in queso?

Original Review, December 2016

I was recently in Hanover, NH for a recruiting event at Dartmouth, where we had lunch catered by the local Boloco.  I knew of Boloco, a chain of fast casual burritos, with locations only in New England (and mostly Massachusetts), but this was my first time actually eating anything from there.  For lunch, we had burritos, chips and salsa.  I can't say I was excited for this, as I don't like Mexican food very much, and I don't really like burritos in particular (well, I don't like rice and beans).  But the last recruiting event I did had Mexican catering from Rubio's and that was fantastic, so, I had a bit of hope.  Plus, Boloco isn't really Mexican ... it is "globally inspired burritos", aka, basically just wraps.

I wasn't impressed with Boloco, but, to be fair I didn't have any items I would have selected given the full menu.  For our evening event, we had catering by Ramunto's (pizza, garlic knots, and cinnamon knots), and that was much more successful.  Stay tuned!

Catering Box of Burritos.

Our catering order arrived nicely packaged and was set up by the staff.  They laid out a white paper tablecloth, set up plates and utensils, opened up the chips and salsa buckets (and took the lids away, which was a problem when we had leftovers ...), put out serving utensils, and left the burritos in a closed box to keep in the heat.

Chips & Salsa.

Boloco offers 3 tomato based salsas (mild, medium, and bold) plus corn and mango salsa.  I'm not sure which this was, I think likely mild as it had no heat.

I didn't like the salsa.  The chunks of tomato were vibrant red, but, flavorless.  It had no heat or spice to it.  There was lots of raw white onion.  Overall, just bland and not fresh tasting.

The chips were pretty good though, very salty, but I liked that.  Chips and salsa are normally $1.99 for a personal side, we were provided with giant containers as part of our package ($10/head including a burrito and drink per person).

Classic Fajita Vegetarian, small size. $6.88.

Boloco's concept is that you pick your style (buffalo, teriyaki, cajun, Bangkok thai, tikka masala, summer, or classic Mexican), then your type (burrito or bowl), then your size (mini, small, or original), your tortilla (white or wheat), your protein (white meat chicken, dark meat chicken, grass-fed steak, slow braised carnitas, tofu, fajita veggies), and then any additional things you'd like to add (other veggies, other grains, sauces/dressing, hummus, guac).

I liked the sound of some of the styles, like the ones with tikka masala or thai peanut sauce, and I don't like rice or beans, so I could certainly have come up with a tasty custom version, but since this was a catered event, I didn't have options, and I didn't know what the different styles actually were as I hadn't been to Boloco before.

I grabbed a "Classic Faijita Vegetarian" because I didn't want chicken or steak and the rest all seemed to be chicken or steak.  Sadly this turned out to be just a boring veggie burrito, classic Mexican style with rice, pinto beans, cheese, salsa, and cilantro, in a wheat tortilla with some fajita veggies (onions and peppers).

So ... yeah.  Mushy rice and beans and the same flavorless salsa made up the majority of my fillings.  I don't really like these things even when nicely prepared.  The veggies were fine I guess, but I only found a few thin slivers of onion and peppers, and they were very soft and slimy.

Speaking of slimy.  The tortilla, likely because it was packaged up, was super moist and gummy.

I didn't really like anything about the burrito.  On the plus side, it was hot.  The packaging was very effective.

A small veggie burrito is normally $6.88, but this came as part of a catering package including chips, salsa, and drinks for $10 each.

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Dirt Dog, Los Angeles

I was in Los Angeles for a short recruiting trip, and, one night, our event got out extremely late, and I just needed a bite to eat.  Of course I had done my research and had a few places in mind that were close by, like, Dirt Dog.

"The Official Hot Dog of Los Angeles™, the ultimate bacon-wrapped hot dog. It's the best dog you'll ever have, so we've been told. Expect the unexpected."

People rave about these hot dogs.  I also had noted that the sides sounded good, and the desserts quite fun.  So, to Dirt Dog I went.

Fries & Churros.

Dirt Dog made it on my radar for the hot dogs, but I actually wasn't in the mood for a hot dog when I visited (strange story, but, 2 days in a row of hot dogs leading up to this), so I went for just fries and dessert.

The quality was high, very freshly prepared, and creative offerings, but, I didn't love it.

Setting

Dirt Dog is located in a strip mall, because, LA.  In the same little mall as a Popeye's and 7-Eleven.  Oh so classy.

Ordering Register.

The setup is casual, order at a register.

For takeout, they call out your name, for dine-in, you are given a number to take to your table and the food is delivered to you when ready.

Kitchen.

Everything is prepared, to order, in the open kitchen.  Here you could watch each order being done individually - fries were weight out, dropped into the oil, and then tossed with toppings.  Each and every deep fried Oreo was battered and fried to order.  Hot dogs were actually queued up, with a few on the side of the grill just waiting to be ordered and assembled, but, besides that, things were very, very fresh.  And the staff quite busy.

Seating.

Seating is pretty simple, fake wood tables, comfortable enough benches.  Self-seating.

Hot Sauces.

Behind each table was a row of hot sauces on a shelf.  Standard ketchup and mustard were available near the soda fountain.

Food

The place is known for the hot dogs obviously.

The menu features 6 types of bacon-wrapped hot dogs with crazy toppings, all with optional fancier rolls like a pretzel roll or lobster roll, for a very reasonable $6.25.  The toppings sound incredible, ranging from the basic #TheHouseDog with bacon thousand island and green chile spread to #TheBrownDog with teriyaki sauce and sesame sweet aioli.  There are 4 more "Extra Dirty Dogs" for $7.25, ones loaded with even more toppings, like the #PattyMeltDog with melted cheddar fries and chipotle aioli on it or the #RancheroDog with a fried egg, tortilla strips, refried beans, and salsa.  I believe the hot dogs are beef, they have a veggie dog option too.

For sides, there are 2 corn dishes ("dirty corn" or "dirty esquite", e.g. elote or elote-in-a-cup), and 6 styles of fries (again, think, toppings, all using the same fries as a base).  A few street tacos round out the savory menu.  Certainly no healthy options here, no salads, nothing light, as both corn dishes are loaded with mayo and cheese.

The dessert menu is ... fun.  Deep-fried twinkes, battered and fried to order, served with horchata whipped cream to dunk it in.  Or deep-fried Oreos, same deal, housemade batter, fried to order, horchata whipped cream.  And then there is the horchata ice cream, a huge 4 scoop sundae with horchata syrup, rice crispies, almonds, and a full churro on top.  Or, go a bit more restrained, and get just a churro, again housemade, fried to order, and served with that horchata whipped cream.

#EloteFries. $5.50.

"Corn, lime mayo, chili powder, cotija cheese, cilantro, bacon."

For fries, I had 6 options: dirty fries (with chile and lemon seasoning), garlic fries (garlic oil, garlic seasoning, fried garlic bits), salt & pepper fries, #FilthyFries (with guacamole, chipotle aioli, cheddar and cotija cheese), #DirtyChiliFries (with beef chili and bacon cheddar), and these, the #EloteFries.

I nearly went for the garlic fries, but since I was debating between garlic fries and the Dirty Esquite (basically elote in a cup, as in, corn with elote toppings), I decided to get the #EloteFries as the compromise, as I'd still get all the tasty toppings from the Dirty Esquite.

My fries came in a takeout box, served open, since I was dining in.  A fork was stuck in by the server before she brought them to me.

I'll start with the good: the fries were fresh.  Seriously fresh.  Piping hot.  They really do make everything to order.

They were coated in chile powder, nicely seasoned, a bit zesty, and salty.  But ... I just didn't like the fries.  Yes, they were crispy enough, and fresh obviously, and not oily, but ... I don't know, I didn't like them.  I think they were too thick, and just too potato-y.  If that makes any sense at all?

But the toppings were good.  A generous glob of zesty lime mayo.  A little cotija.  A few springs of cilantro.  A few tiny bacon bits.  And of course, corn.

The corn was great, sweet, fresh, very tasty.  I like mayo, I like cheese, and I loved the seriously crispy bacon bits.

The problem though?  There really wasn't much of the toppings.  Even if I had liked the fries, I think I would have bee disappointed by the tiny amount of bacon in particular.

Oh, there was a lime to squeeze over the top as well.

Overall, a really cool idea, but since I didn't like the fries themselves, not much way to save this for me.  I think I would have liked the corn cup though!

Churro. $2.

"Housemade churro tossed in cinnamon sugar, with horchata whipped cream." 

I wanted dessert, since, well, I'm a dessert girl.  I've never actually had a deep fried Twinkie, or Oreo before, but, I wasn't quite feeling those.  The horchata ice cream sounded great, but, given that it came with 4 scoops of ice cream AND a churro, it seemed ambitious for me to take on myself.  Which left ... the churro.

I'd never normally order a churro, as I don't like them that much, but I knew this was freshly made, as in, they'd fry it when I was ready for it, and it certainly wasn't a generic frozen Tio Pepe churro that they were heating up.  Plus, it came with horchata whipped cream, which certainly sounded interesting.

So, a churro it was.

I was instructed to let them know when I was ready for it, which I did by nodding to the cashier after I had decided I didn't want more fries.  I heard him yell, "time to fire a churro!", or something like that, and several minutes later, he came back to my table with the churro, wrapped in a paper bag, a little container of whipped cream on the side.

Hot and fresh.  Very hot and fresh.

Part of a Churro.

I failed to take a photo of the full size churro, but here is about half of it.  As you can see, this is not a standard generic churro, no signature ridges.

It was really quite good.  Clearly freshly fried, which I knew because I watched it being done, but even if I hadn't seen that, I would be able to tell.  Piping hot, too hot even, on the inside.

The exterior was crispy, but not hard, if that makes sense.  I usually find churros really hard, whereas this was just nicely crisp.  Inside though?  Crazy soft, and actually, it seemed under-baked?  Not bad necessarily, but it was mostly liquid raw dough, which I don't think it was supposed to be?  Also, did I mention, HOT!

It wasn't greasy though, or at least, it didn't feel too heavy or oily, even though it was fried dough.  And I did like the crispy outside and doughy inside.  So I think I liked those elements.

It was rolled in cinnamon sugar, and here I felt it was not well executed.  Just, too much.  I scraped some off and liked it more that way.

And then, the horcata whipped cream.  It didn't taste like horchata necessarily, but it did taste like something.  Clearly not just whipped cream, not vanilla.  It was also a bit thick.  But I did like having whipped cream to dunk my churro in.

Really, this was a mixed success.  I did like it, but, I'm not sure the churro was cooked properly, it had way too much cinnamon sugar, and I only quasi-liked the whipped cream.

But $2 for a freshly made item wasn't bad.

Read More...

Drinks and Bites at Garaje

Update Review, February 2017

Oh, Garaje.  One of my favorite places in SF these days, which is funny, as it is a casual place, kinda a burger joint / taqueria, neither of which you'd expect to be at the top of my list.  But, Garaje clearly isn't really a Mexican place, nor is it a burger joint, or anything in-between, as you've read about in my previous reviews, from 2014 and 2016.  I'll skip all general descriptions this time around, since you can start there.

This visit was my first visit at lunch time.  I went with a group of co-workers when we wanted to have a lunch offsite, a rare occurrence for us.  We arrived at 12:20pm, and nearly every seat was taken, which didn't bode well for our large group of 8, given that most tables seat only 4.  Luckily, by the time we got through the line (which was long, but moved quickly), and went in search of seating, the one large communal table in the main area cleared out, and we swooped in.

Our group was all given separate numbers for food, even though we ordered (and paid, still cash only) as a group.  I think this was to simplifyy things for the kitchen, and ensure food was brought out as it was ready.  It did create a rather awkward setup though, as our food arrived at totally different times.  I was the first to order, yet the last to receive my food, a good 15 minutes after the first person in the group got theirs, which did not make me happy.

However, all my grumpiness over the agonizing wait for my food vanished the moment I took a bite.  Damn, this place is good.

Last time I visited, I went with Ojan and split the Crispy Crab Crack and the Surfer Leo Zapato (so I could finally try a zapato, but still get the crab cake that I loved so much on my first visit!).  It worked great, although was kinda too much food, but it made me also fall in love with the zapatos.  This time, I was met with indecision again.  The crispy crab crack really is hard to pass up.  But I did enjoy my zapato too, and wanted to try another one.  And I still had my eyes on the fish & chips, since I liked the beer battered fried fish in the Surfer Leo Zapato.   And, totally out of character, I was drawn in by the Jose Wong salad (I'd been really craving salads, not that this was a healthy one).  I would have also been happy with a pulled pork sandwich, or even the beer battered cauliflower "El Mermaid" taco.  I wanted it all.

In the end, I managed to basically get everything I wanted, by finding a co-worker to share with, and opting for the Maverick Zapato, aka, the one with the crispy crab crack inside a zapato, plus fries and a mini salad on the side.  I missed out on the fish, but, I still got 3 of the 4 items I really wanted, so, success.  It was also the perfect amount of food for two people, and I'd definitely go this route again, although, of course, there are still so many other things to try ...

Maverick Zapato. $14.  Thick Cut Skin On Fries. $3.

"Crispy Crab Crack, Fries, Avocado, Jack, Chipotle Mayo."

So ... this was a gut buster.  No doubt.  The crab crack alone is a massive deep fried crab cake.  It really is a meal in itself (there is a reason it is served just with slaw normally, and that is an entree not an appetizer.)  And then consider that zapatos have french fries, tons of cheese, and way more mayo than you'd ever put on yourself stuffed inside, in addition to whatever protein you pick.  Zapatos alone are huge, and more than a meal, even if you opt for a simple grilled chicken filling (several of my companions could not finish their zapatos, and they didn't order any sides!).  So, what do you get when you stuff a crab crack into a zapato?  Yeah, ooph.

Making the call to split this was absolutely the right move.   I loved every bite of it, but I can't imagine having more.  A half was plenty, a substantial portion, and left me absolutely stuffed.

So, how was it?  AMAZING.  Crispy grilled flour tortilla on the outside, just so much better than a standard burrito.  I normally don't finish the entire tortilla when I get a burrito, but this I easily finished.  It was not just a wrapper, it was an essential part of the tastiness.

Inside was the crispy crab cake.  I'll admit, it did kinda get lost inside the zapato.  The fried exterior provided crispy bites that I loved, and I could taste, and see, plenty of crab, but, I don't think I was able to appreciate the crab cake in quite the same way as when separate.

The fries worked much better here than in the Surfer Leo, since the mushy texture wasn't as strange with the mushier crab cake.  Or maybe I just knew what to expect this time?

And then of course there was cheese, tons and tons of very gooey, perfectly melted, delicious cheese.  And the chipotle mayo, which added more creaminess.  The cheese and mayo coated the fries, they coated the crab cake, they coated the tortilla.  There was tons, making this even more decadent (because, fried crab cake and french fries stuffed into a burrito isn't decadent enough already, right?), but, as much as I wanted to think "eww, too much mayo and cheese", it was just too delicious to care.

There was no moderation here, no way you could possibly convince yourself this was a reasonable choice of something to eat, but, sometimes, it just doesn't matter.  Its just too good.

That doesn't mean however that I'd get it again.  The crab cake really was better on its own, and I'd go back to that next time.  Delicious inside, yes, but you don't get to quite appreciate it enough with all the other elements.  That said, if I'm feeling the desire for something cheesy and comforting, I'd certainly get another zapato, just, probably back to the Surfer Leo.  The $14 price makes it one of the most expensive zapatos (most are $7-9), but, given the crab cake inside, it seems pretty reasonable.

We also ordered a side of fries.  They were entirely unremarkable.  Just fries.  Hot enough, fresh enough, but uninteresting.  I don't think Garaje makes just a cheese smothered version (they do make a version with carne asada or fried pork, guac, cheese, and salsa, which I had before), but I think cheesy fries would be pretty good.  I'd certainly skip these fries again in the future.  (Side note: we were bought a little bowl with packets of ketchup in it with the fries, why don't they have a ketchup dispenser or at least bottles of ketchup for dining in?)

Little Jose Wong.  $5.

"Cabbage, lettuce, cilantro, scallions, carrots, red peppers, jalapenos, crispy tortilla strips, peanuts, chile hoisen dressing."

As I mentioned, I was also craving a salad strangely, and was quite tempted by the Jose Wong salad on the menu, particularly after reading rave reviews.

You can get the Jose Wong as an entree salad for $10, and add toppings like grilled or fried chicken, carnitas, seared ahi, plancha grilled shrimp, etc, basically, anything you could get in a taco can be turned into a salad topping.  But we opted for a side salad, just to try it, along with our other goodies.

It came served in an adorable little Chinese takeout container, a bit hard to eat out of, but, cute.

This was a great salad.  The veggies were all crisp and fresh, and formed a great base.  I loved the crispy tortilla strip shreds on top, and the peanuts for additional crunch factor.  The dressing was spicy, sweet, and very tasty.  I'd gladly get this again, and would certainly choose it over the fries, but, half a zapato really was enough food for me, so it wasn't necessary.

If I ever visited Garaje and wanted a lighter option, I could certainly imagine ordering the full size salad and not feeling like I was getting "just a salad", and being quite satisfied with my meal.  I'm not sure how I'd ever pass up the other options, but, it could happen.  Really, ideally, I wonder if they could top the salad with fried fish?  It isn't listed as an option, but I don't see why that wouldn't be possible.  Just one piece of fried fish and the salad seems like it would be a great portion size ... or the salad and half a crab cake?

Update Review, May 2016

A co-worker of mine needed to plan a casual dinner for a fairly large group, within easy walking distance of our office.  The problem is, he knew the group would be somewhere between 20-45 people, but he couldn't require RSVPs in advance.  This rules out ... well, pretty much anywhere.  Places that can handle groups of those sizes really want confirmed guest counts at least 48-72 hours in advance.

He was pretty stumped, and I think was about to fall back on somewhere like Buca de Beppo, when I suggested Garaje.  Since I had attended a private party there back in 2014, I knew the format would be a perfect fit: he could reserve the upper mezzanine to give the group dedicated space, and then just hand out wrist bands so the food and drink costs would go onto the group tab.  People could come and go, and move about as they pleased.  I took my finder's fee by way of getting to crash the party.

If you aren't familiar with Garaje, I suggest reading my original review, and then returning here, since I'll be skipping background and format information, and just focus this review on this visit.

The venue worked well, except for the fact that we all arrived, about 35 or so people, all at once, at 6pm, when the line was already long.  We quickly overwhelmed the downstairs space near the register and some members of the group were in line for about a half hour.  Once we ordered though, food came quickly and was much loved.

Everyone raved about their dishes, and the variety I saw was huge: plenty of burgers, tacos, and zapatos, plus a number of Crispy Crab Cracks (at my recommendation of course), and even a few random things like chicken fingers.

The beer drinkers were also quite happy with the selection, as were the non-alcohol drinkers (lots of Bundaberg beverages, not just root beer and ginger beer), but I was again a bit disappointed by my options for alcohol that weren't beer: only sangria or honey-wine.  I had the honey-wine, and it was fine, but still a little too much like beer for my real taste.

View from Above.

We were again in the upper mezzanine, overlooking the entire space.  Here you can see the standard booths for seating, the pass and kitchen on the left hand side, and the front register.  Yes, it was packed.

The kitchen was crazy fast and efficient though, and our food arrived quickly.  They somehow managed to find us each and bring us our food while it was still piping hot.

Crispy Crab Crack. $11.

"Beer battered fresh Maryland lump crab cake, spicy slaw, cilantro lime sauce".

In the two years since my previous visit to Garaje, the menu did not change in any way that I noticed.  So I was again completely torn by wanting the fish & chips, the crab cake, a burger, and to finally try a zapato.  Luckily, this time I had Ojan with me, so we could order two things and split.  One of those things obviously had to be the crab crack again.  I know I had it last time I was there, but, it was too good to not order again.

The dish changed slightly.  It cost $1 more.  The crab cake, while still large, was actually only about half the size as before.  The pile of slaw that it was served with grew substantially though.

Overall, I still liked it.  The crab cake was delivered hot and fresh.  It was crispy on the outside, moist and full of shredded crab on the inside.  I love mayo based slaw, and this was fresh and crisp, and the jalapeño in it again really kicked it up a notch.  I of course loved the creamy cilantro lime sauce, as I'm a sucker for mayo based sauces.  A chunk of crab cake, dunked in sauce, with a forkful of slaw made for a delightful bite.  Fried, crispy, creamy, fresh ... it had everything you could really want.  I'd still get this again, although, I'm more open to trying something else now.

Surfer Leo Zapato. $9.

"Batter fried sustainable tilapia, fries, avocado, jack, chipotle mayo."

For our second dish, I sorta wanted to finally try a burger, but Ojan went out for burgers the night before.  I sorta wanted to try the bbq pulled pork or the fish and chips or even the hot pastrami.  But ... I settled on a zapato, one of the signature items at Garaje.

A zapato is sorta like a burrito, just sans rice, that is also grilled and pressed  Ok, so maybe not really a burrito.  How about a flour tortilla panini?

Anyway.  Garaje has a slew of different zapatos, including some basic varieties with jack cheese, refried beans, salsa, avocado, and your choice of protein like carnitas, mojo chicken, or carne asada.  See, basically a burrito.  But, then they also have some far more interesting options, most of which involve adding fries inside as well.  These include the "Surfer Vero" with plancha grilled prawns, the "Maverick" with an entire deep fried crab cake inside, or the "Surfer Leo", which we opted for.

The "Surfer Leo" is basically a fish + chips version of a zapato.  So ... fish + chips meats a burrito.  Yup.  While it might sound a bit crazy, it turns out to be pretty amazing.

Like my crab cake, the zapato came hot and fresh.  The flour tortilla was crispy from the grill, and it was cut in half, easy to pick up and eat.  Regular burritos can be a bit cumbersome, but this really was simple to eat.  While I don't really like flour tortillas, I liked the crispy aspect of this far more than a standard burrito.  A definite improvement.

Inside was several pieces of fried tilapia, french fries, and tons of cheese.  Avocado would normally also be inside, but due to my allergy, we asked for it on the side, so Ojan could add it in as he pleased.

The fish was super crispy, flaky, and really good.  I instantly wished I had ordered fish and chips.

The fries were a bit strange inside.  At first I really didn't like them.  So I pushed them aside and ate the rest of the zapato.  And then ... I came back and finished the fries.  I think I just didn't like the soft, starchy texture of the fries alongside the crispy fish.  I'd leave them out next time.  We also ordered a side of fries, again, hot, fresh, crispy, good fries.  So the fries were certainly good, just, not what I wanted inside.

The Jack cheese was kinda awesome.  I'll be the first to say that Jack is a pretty boring cheese, and not one I'd ever pick, but, it was melted so perfectly here that I didn't care what kind of cheese it was.  There was a ton of it.  Perhaps too much really, but it made it into such perfectly gooey comfort food.

Oh, there was also a very generous amount of chipotle mayo, super creamy, coating everything inside.  You know me and mayo, so, I loved that too.

I was shocked by how good this was.  Guilty pleasure food for sure.  Fried fish and french fries with an unhealthy amount of cheese smothered in mayo?  Yup.  I liked it even more than my crab crack.

Next time, I'm tempted to just get the fish and chips, as boring as that sounds, as I did genuinely enjoy the fried fish.  Did I mention that the fish and chips comes with the same awesome slaw from the crab cake, plus the chipotle mayo from the zapato, plus lime mayo too?  It really does sound up my alley.  Although I'd gladly get this zapato again (just with the fries left out), or the crab cake ....  Or maybe, the crab cake zapato?

Ok, I know, fish & chips, with melted jack on the fries?  Guess it is time to go back already ...

Original Review, April 2014

The other night I attended a birthday party at Garaje, in SOMA.  I was excited because it opened a year ago, and I still hadn't been, even though I've been hearing really good things.

So first, let me attempt to define what Garaje is.  At some level, I feel they are suffering from an identity crisis, so it is really hard to define.  Garaje is a sports bar, a taqueria, a beer hall, and a burger joint.  All in one.  But somehow, it works.

I'll dive into each aspect one at a time.

First, the sports bar.  The decor is uh, retro garage, with plasma screens showing sporting events.  You order drinks (beer only) and food (taqueria-style) at registers at the back.  They are cash only, but have an ATM near the doorway.  Drinks are dispensed immediately, and you are given a number for your food, which will be delivered to your table.  The single line, for food and drinks, is a bit of an issue, as it seemed to crawl along, and it regularly took 20-30 minutes just to get through the line.

Speaking of lines, the same goes for the bathroom, a single unisex room.  Yes one bathroom for an entire bar.  That line was regularly 5-6 people deep.

But I'll stop being grumpy now.  The food was shockingly good, even though the menu was expansive, and a bit of a strange assortment.  They somehow crank the food out quickly, even though it is all done à la minute.  This was the most impressive part.  I was at a private party up in the mezzanine, so I could watch the kitchen from above, and it was clear that they had minimal mise en place.  The cooks prepared each and every dish to order.  Each piece of fish going into a fish taco was dredged and fried to order, the slaw wasn't dressed until right before it was added to a dish, each order of fries was individually fired.  And this is at a bar?  This is certainly not ordinary bar food.

Like I said, a bit of an identity crisis.  Yes, it was a bar, albeit only with beer.  So maybe it was a taqueria, but with fancy microbrews on tap?  And burgers that people actually seek out?  Confusing, yes.  Delicious, also yes.

The taqueria part of the menu features tacos, basic street tacos, or far fancier options, like seared ahi tuna or plancha grilled farmed tilapia.  Ok, so it is an upscale taqueria.  The signature item seems to be zapatos, basically burritos that are grilled in a panini press.  But then there are also burgers, and they most certainly aren't the cardboard variety.  Marin Sun Farms grass fed beef, Acme buns, decadent toppings.  The birthday girl claimed that this is her favorite burger in the city.  The burgers are clearly not just thrown on the menu as an afterthought.  So now, it is a bar, a taqueria, and a burger joint?

Then, there are also salads and a slew of other sandwiches (fried chicken, grilled chicken breast, grilled pastrami, pulled pork, seared ahi) all also served on Acme buns.  At this point, I don't know how to define Garaje.

So I won't.  What I can tell you is that the food is on point.  Quality ingredients are used, it is well executed, and the food is incredibly flavorful.  It isn't a fancy place, and your food will arrive in a plastic basket.  But sometimes, this it is exactly what you need.

I highly recommend, and I'll certainly be returning, as there are too many menu items that I wanted to try.

Sangria.

Besides the food, the other major focus is the beer program, with a slew of microbrews on tap, and a sign proclaiming "no crap on tap".  But as a non-beer drinker, I was limited to only one alcoholic choice: house made sangria.  No cider, wine, malt beverages, or hard liquor are available.

The beer drinkers seemed very happy.  Garaje also has an impressive collection of glassware, and it seemed as if almost every type of beer came in its own custom glass.  Also exciting for some our group were the size options, including liter sized steins.  Given the long lines to order drinks, the liter option does make some sense, as you don't need to return as often :)  But, then again, perhaps it also adds to the bathroom line issue!

The sangria was not quite what I expected, as it was almost frozen and a bit slushy.  Not too sweet, a bit fruity, the strongest flavor was certainly the underlying red wine.  Not bad, and I was happy to drink it, but I of course would have loved more options.

For non-alcoholic options, they had soft drinks, iced teas, and a nice selection from Bundaberg, including tasty ginger beer.

Carne Asada Fries.  $8.

One of my dining companions ordered a bunch of fries, chips, and salsa.

We started with a side of plain fries, and I appreciated that they were crispy, clearly cooked fresh to order, and delivered immediately, as they were not soggy or limp.  The fries were a slightly thick style so they were fluffy inside, seasoned with the right amount of salt.  Pretty decent fries.

Next, the famous carne asada fries, the same thing, but topped with carne asada, jack, guacamole, and roasted salsa.  I didn't love the carne asada itself, it seemed a bit dried out and tough, but it was flavorful.  The jack cheese was perfectly melted, although I sorta wanted more, as many fries were left without.  I'm allergic to avocado, so I couldn't really dig into these much, but I'm sure if I was able to eat the guacamole, I probably wouldn't have missed the cheese as much.  Like all of the dishes at Garaje, there was a generous scoop of the guac, which was even more impressive on the tacos, as it literally seemed like there was as much guac as any other filling.  They don't skimp on the premium ingredients!

You can also add an over-easy egg for $1, which some of my companions added to their burgers, but not the fries.

Finally, we had some of Nico's chips and fire roasted salsa, also with guac.  The salsa was fine, spicy enough, and the chips crispy, but I didn't feel compelled to go back for more of them in the same way that I did with the fries.

The price for the plain fries ($2) was very good, but the carne asada fries ($8) were a bit high compared to other prices, since you could get a carne asada taco for just $3.  I wouldn't order them again, but, I also wouldn't have ordered them in the first place, due to the guac and steak.  Fries are also available in a pulled pork version.

The chips and salsa were $3, plus another $3 for the guac.  $3 for chips and salsa seemed a bit high compared with other prices, or compared to the fact that many taquerias include them with a taco.

Crispy Crab Crack. $10.

I really struggled deciding what to order.  Partially because I'd already had dinner, since the party started a bit late for me, and I thought it was just going to be a taqueria, so didn't think I'd be into the food.  So I wasn't really hungry.  But the real problem?  I wanted everything!  The seared ahi sounded particularly appealing, available as a taco, on top a salad, or as a sandwich.  And who can resist a classic fried fish taco, made with beer battered tilapia? (For the healthy types, you could also have your sustainable tilapia plancha grilled instead.  Or, you could just go all out, and get a full on order of fish 'n chips, which I was really, really close to doing.)  I also was very tempted by the "Surfer Leo" zapato, basically fish and chips (yes, including the fries), plus all the standard zapato fixings, inside a grilled tortilla.  Yelpers all rave about the zapatos, and this one had my name all over it.

Luckily for me, the line provided me plenty of time to ponder, make a decision, change it, and go back to pondering some more.  Such indecision.  But everything changed the moment I saw the "secret menu" (ok, not so secret, as it was posted on a large chalkboard just like the regular menu, and also listed on the printed menus at the register.  But they pretend it is secret.)  Indecision vanished, as I saw "crispy crab crack".  Crab crack.  Crispy.  No, not a type-o.  Described as "battered fresh Maryland crab cake, spicy slaw, cilantro lime sauce".

I was sold.  Sure, seared ahi or fish and chips are good and all, but ... crab!  One of my favorite ingredients.  Of course, in the Bay Area, I am used to local Dungeness crab, so it was a bit of a surprise to see Maryland crab make an appearance on a menu in San Francisco.  I love my Dungeness, but for crab cakes, Maryland crab does work well.

This crab cake was a monster.  Not an appetizer, not a side dish.  Probably best for sharing.  But share I did not do.  In retrospect, I should have.  Several people saw me with it and asked what it was, clearly seeking an invitation to try some.  But I just told them it was awesome rather than offering a taste.  And remember how I wasn't hungry?  Yeah, that vanished when this arrived.

First, they weren't joking with the "crispy" part.  I did see crispy in the name, and battered in the description, but I wasn't quite expecting this.  The same beer batter that they use for the fish, used to coat a crab cake, and then ... deep fried.  Genius!  I've had many crab cakes in my day, but I certainly haven't had one beer battered and deep fried before.  It worked beautifully, insanely crisp outside, moist inside.  Sooo much crab meat.  Yes, it was all shredded and there was some filler, no lump meat, but it was delicious.  Just like the fries, each one was made to order, dredged and battered and dropped into the fryer, delivered to me piping hot.

Served on top a bed of spicy slaw, fresh and crisp, with full slices of jalapeño in it for some serious heat, lightly dressed.  They are not afraid of flavor or spice.  As I watched from above, I saw each and every order of slaw dressed to order, so it was never soggy.  I loved combining bites of the crab cake with the spicy slaw.

And finally, the cilantro lime sauce, which was basically super flavorful mayo.  At this point, I was all in.  Deep fried crab smothered in flavorful mayo?  Sure, bring it on.  I hesitate to admit this, but I used up my entire container long before consuming my entire crab cake.  I wanted even more.  It was the perfect creamy compliment to the crispy fried deliciousness and the spicy slaw.

A fabulous dish, and I'd most certainly order it again.  The crab cake is also available as a sandwich, with chipotle mayo, on an Acme bun.  Tempting, but I'd still probably go for this version again.  But ... I do still want to try a zapato.  Perhaps I'd find a buddy to split with, and have half of each.   Yes, that is the plan, next time ... 

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