Update Review, June 2023
I sorta forgot Noah's Bagels existed. There was a long time where events in my office catered from Noah's, and I got to try all the baked goods, bagels, and whatnot when there were leftovers, but I haven't encountered Noah's in many years.
Until now, when an event in my office had breakfast sandwiches catered by Noah's, and had far, far too many. No baked goods, no plain bagels, but plenty of breakfast sandwiches, a section of the menu I had never explored before. The host had ordered a few kinds of bagel sandwiches, all with eggs/egg whites and additional toppings, along with breakfast burritos. I got to try one of each. I can't say I was impressed.
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Turkey Sausage & Cheddar on Plain Bagel. $41/6.
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"One or two eggs, plus with turkey-sausage and cheddar cheese on a bagel your choice."
For my breakfast bagel sandwich, from the 5 or so options the host had laid out, I went with the turkey sausage and cheddar, which is probably what I would have selected for myself from the full lengthy lineup anyway. The event host opted for plain bagels, which certainly wouldn't have been my pick, but alas, plain it was. Ours came with one egg (I think?), but you can also get them with two.
The egg was fully cooked, basically the same patty style you get at a fast food breakfast, likely just heated up in a microwave, and not fried to order. The yolk was barely discoverable. It was entirely unseasoned. Eh on the egg component.
The cheese was nicely melted, decent sharp cheddar. The sausage patty was a reasonable thickness, not a thin wimpy patty. It was fairly flavorful, did have some seasoning in it, but I wasn't really into it, not really sure why.
And finally, the bagel. Just a generic plain bagel. Not toasted. Not a particularly good bagel. Quite chewy.
Overall, this was pretty mediocre. The sandwich was fairly poorly assembled, with one half containing just a sliver of sausage patty, and the other half containing 80% of the patty. Same with the cheese, one side had most. Only the egg was centered.
For catering, these come in packs of 6 for $41, and are $8-10 if you order individually (depending on how many eggs you opt for). They are a fairly hefty meal, 570 calories, 23g fat, 33 g protein.
I wouldn't get this again. **+.
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| Chorizo Breakfast Burrito. $49.99/6. |
"Stuffed with cage-free eggs, chorizo sausage, thick-cut bacon, melted cheese, shredded hash browns, and a dab of Jalapeño Salsa Cream Cheese Shmear, all rolled up in a fresh flour tortilla. Get a hearty kick of flavor and start your day off right with the new Chorizo Breakfast Burrito!"
Next up, the breakfast burrito. These come in only one style, with, well, everything in them: eggs, chorizo, bacon, cheese, hash browns, jalapeño salsa cream cheese ... in classic burrito form, flour tortilla.
I cut it in half, as I knew there was no way I'd finish this entire thing in one sitting, plus, I wanted to see the insides. The egg was the first surprise - I was expecting scrambled eggs, I'm not sure why, but those just seem more breakfast burrito appropriate? I say this, realizing I'm not sure I've ever actually had a breakfast burrito before, so, uh, I don't know why I thought that. The eggs were the same as in the breakfast bagel sandwich, patty style fried egg, two of them. **+.
Next up, the meats. Here we had a different style of sausage, chorizo sausage this time. Still a patty style (although I think bigger than the turkey one), cut in half, and stuffed in. I liked it far more than the turkey sausage, it was zesty and flavorful. ***. Then the other meat, the bacon. Two slices of flabby bacon that is entirely not the style I like, too much unrendered flabby fat. Not particularly "thick cut" as described on the menu. Again, likely just microwaved to warm up. Meh on that bacon. *.
The hash browns were not a patty (like the egg and sausage) and instead were just loose shredded style, plenty of it. From being inside the burrito, the hash browns were basically a rather soft and soggy mess, and missed the crispiness of hash browns that I enjoy. They were also entirely unseasoned. **.
Finally, there was some melted cheese, although not much at all (the cheese was far more substantial in the breakfast sandwich), and cream cheese, which added a creaminess you might otherwise get from sour cream in a burrito, but I didn't really want with my eggs, sausage, and hashbrowns. I didn't really taste the jalapeño salsa component. **. Oh, and the tortilla was a standard soft tortilla. Just lightly warmed up, not grilled.
Overall, this certainly had a lot going on, but I found it ate a bit dry, and, besides the chorizo, was rather bland, everything could use at least a little salt and pepper. It also was a very low effort assembly and re-heating job, missing fresh fried eggs, properly cooked bacon, and a trip on the griddle that could have jazzed up the tortilla too. **.
This is a pretty serious beast of a gut buster, as you might guess given the ingredients. It clocks in at a whopping 1120 calories (68 g fat, 49 g protein), which, um, should definitely last you through the morning.
Update Review, Sept 2016
Last time I reviewed Noah's, I concluded: "Noah's is nothing to write home about." I had zero intention of going back. But, my apartment complex hosted a brunch and they picked Noah's for the treats. The spread was mostly bagels (no toaster) with plain cream cheese (it *is* whipped so was nice and fluffy), plus a couple muffins and decadent looking danishes. Since the untoasted bagels with plain cream cheese were totally unappealing, I obviously went for the
baked goods. They were not good.
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| Cinnamon Walnut Strudel. |
There was only one of these left when I arrived, and I went immediately for it. I should have taken it as a sign that others in the room had mostly untouched strudels sitting on their plates. I did hear one guy say, "I can't eat this, it is too sweet.". I'm certainly not one to shy away from sweets, so, that didn't concern me.
The sweetness wasn't really the problem with it. Yes, it was absolutely covered in white icing that was sweet. But the pastry itself was the problem. It was danish dough, but, it wasn't flaky, it wasn't buttery, and it certainly didn't taste fresh. The top was way too crispy, over cooked but not burnt necessarily. Just hard, dried out, and a bit stale tasting.
Also on top was the dark brown coating you can see underneath the icing and nuts above, which I think was cinnamon mixed with ... something. It was super hard too. The bits of walnut at least added a nice crunch?
The only redeeming quality was the sweet cinnamon inside the folds of the danish. Sweet, good cinnamon flavor. But, with so many other elements not good, that wasn't enough to go on.
Maybe it would be better warm?
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| Chocolate Chip Muffin. |
Not satisfied, I went for the last muffin: chocolate chip.
It was perhaps worse than the danish. It looked ok, loaded with little chocolate chips, and topped with a bit of streusel. But ... it took was overcooked and stale. And it tasted like ... cake. Not a muffin, just like a cake, but sans frosting. And the streusel? As plain as the muffin itself.
Not a winner.
Update Review - Thintastic Bagels from Noah's, (circa 2014)
Last week,
I reviewed the regular bagels from Noah's Bagels. I wasn't impressed. In fact, the only product I've ever liked from Noah's is the
Asiago Garlic Bagel Clusters, fully of cheesy, garlicky, deliciousness.
But, it was time to try out another new product, and how do I say no to that? This time, Thintastic Bagels. Thintastic bagels are only available in the basic flavors of plain, whole wheat, or everything. They are essentially a regular bagel, but, uh, thinner, designed for the calorie or carb conscious diner. A plain Thintastic bagel weights in at only 140 calories, compared to a regular plain bagel's 250.
If you like Noah's regular bagels, perhaps these will appeal to you, but for me, they were exactly the same as the regular bagels, far too bready, not "real bagels.
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| Whole Wheat Thintastic Bagel. |
Yes, it was shaped like a bagel. It was called a bagel. It looked like a bagel, albeit one that had been quite smushed.
But it tasted like wheat bread. It had no crust to it, clearly not boiled. Just, dense bread. It was fine bread, but, bread. Not a bagel.
It also just didn't look very appealing. I know that it supposed to be thinner, but it just looked squashed.
If you like bready bagels, and are watching out for carbs, perhaps this is for you, but it was certainly not for me.
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| Honey Almond Schmear. |
I also got some cream cheese, er, schmear, to pair with my bagel. Noah's has schmear in a slew of flavors, all of which sound awesome. It is always so hard to pick one. All are "double whipped" so nicely fluffy.
Honey Almond: To go with my whole wheat bagel, I decided on the honey almond, as I thought it would compliment the whole wheat well.
It was pretty standard cream cheese, nicely fluffy, slightly sweet, with little bits of crunchy almonds inside. Not bad, but, you aren't going to Noah's for the schmear, are you? ***+.
Jalapeno Salsa: A bit zesty, but not too spicy. Some tomato aspects to it. I used it to make a bagel melt with cheese, onions, and more fresh jalapenos. ***.
Onion & Chive: Great flavor! Very strong onion and chive. I really liked this one. Even tasty just to use as a dip for celery or carrots. ****.
Update Review - New Products from Noah's Bagels, (circa 2014)
I received an offer to come trial a new product at Noah's Bagels (or, if you are in some parts of the country, Einstein's). They called them "Bagel Clusters", described as bite-sized pieces of bagel dough, with toppings added, then baked. They claimed to be "served piping hot, for you to pull apart and enjoy". They were trying out one sweet version, cinnamon sugar, and one savory, asiago garlic. I do sometimes really enjoy bagels, and hot baked goods, so I eagerly signed up to redeem my
freebie. I selected a Noah's location near me, and was assigned a day and time to come try them.
When I arrived at the location, the guy pointed me at the Bagel Poppers, little bite sized chunks of bagel, served cold, in a container. They have had those in the stores for a while now. I said, "uh, no, not the bagel poppers, the bagel clusters", and I showed him my certificate. He said that they did not have bagel clusters, and that he was instructed to just offer people bagel poppers instead. I didn't want cold little bagel nuggets, I wanted a hot, fresh, almost-muffin-bagel! Grumble!
I tried to sign up for another location, but since I'd already signed up, I wasn't able to. And you can't buy them yet in the shops. So I had to enlist some friends to sign up and let me tag along to try out the real things. I was impressed that Noah's kept good control of the trial experience, allowing only single sign ups, limiting the time slots, and requiring ID to actually receive the product. But uh, I actually WANTED to receive the product, not the alternate!
They clearly have some kinks to work out before these go live everywhere, but one of them was really delicious, so I hope they decide to offer them.
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| Cinnamon Sugar Bagel Poppers. $1.99. |
So, on my first visit, I got the cinnamon sugar bagel poppers instead. They were basically bite sized bagel chunks, served in a togo container. Served at room temperature, and already pre-packaged. They tasted incredibly stale and dried out. Yet at the same time, they were gummy, as condensation had formed inside the sealed container. Dried out and strangely gummy? Gross. Very gross. Would never get again.
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| Cinnamon Sugar Bagel Cluster. $2.99. |
On the next visit, to a different location, I entered to see the bagel clusters displayed in the case along with all their other goods. Seemed like this location was already selling them?
They looked exactly as I expected: basically, little bite size chunks of bagel dough, mushed together and baked kinda like a muffin. I asked the staff member which one she recommended, and she said she hadn't tried either. Dear Noah's, let you staff try them so they can help guide your customers! Being a fan of sweets, I went for the cinnamon sugar version.
I was a little surprised when she just reached in and handed it over. I mentioned that the e-mail I received said they'd be served "piping hot". She looked at me quizzically and was like, "uh, no. And we aren't supposed to put other things into the toasters." Hmm. Perhaps some kinks to work out here.
Anyway, I eagerly dove in. It looked pretty good, like a hybrid cinnamon roll / cobblestone muffin / monkey bread. Unfortunately, it went the way of the
cobblestone sweet bread from Panera: all looks, and never quite what you wanted it to be.
Like the bagel poppers, it was dry and stale. There was cinnamon-sugar coating all over the chunks, along with some streusel on top and along the sides.
It had potential. It was fun to pull the pieces apart, far more interesting to eat than a regular bagel or muffin. But, the good part of bagels is when they get toasty and warm, and then you have plentiful toppings on them. This didn't have warmth, or crust, or toppings. It was just cold, stale, chunks of bagel.
There were several ways this
could have worked for me. If it had been drizzled with some kind of icing, and just turned into more of a dessert offering, that might have worked better, more like the Panera one. Or, if it had something to dip the chunks into as I tore them off, that actually would have been fun. Or perhaps, just if it had been served hot and fresh, like a warm muffin. But as is, it was a failure.
It was huge however, hard to see in the picture, but far more bagel pieces than a standard bagel, far bigger than even an American-sized muffin these days. The regular $2.99 price tag seemed appropriate, but I'd never get another one of these in this form.
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| Asiago Garlic Bagel Cluster. $2.99. |
On the last day of the trial, another friend had an invite, so we headed to yet another location. As we walked in, certificate in hand, the guy at the register identified us immediately, before we even approached, saying "bagel clusters!!" We looked up in surprise, and said yes. He asked which kind, and given my horrible review of the cinnamon-sugar, my friend went for the asiago garlic. Not something I'd normally order, but it was her choice, and I was just there to steal a bite.
To my surprise, the worker beamed. "Great choice!" he exclaimed. "It is really delicious!". His excitement was very different from my previous visits, as was the fact that he'd actually tried the product. I was still very skeptical, given how horrible the other one was. He dashed off into the back. The bagel clusters were not out on display, and were hidden away somewhere.
The first thing I noticed when he handed it over was how much smaller it was than the cinnamon-sugar. Since they were from different locations, I'm not sure if they intend for one to be smaller, or if it was just a difference in the baker, since they are just starting making them. Regardless, it was still plenty large for two of us to split.
As I pulled it out of the bag, the next thing I noticed was how slick my hands got. They were glistening, just from touching the wrapper! Uh-oh. The next thing I noticed was that it was actually slightly warm. Not "piping hot" as promised, but not room temperature. I forget what I noticed next, as I was immediately distracted by how delicious it was.
It was cheesy. It was garlicky. It had a nice chew to it. A strange thing to have for breakfast, as I don't tend to have cheese or garlic for breakfast, but it was tasty. It reminded me of garlic knots from a pizza place back in my hometown. Probably more appropriate for an afternoon snack, unless you are into garlic in the morning.
Anyway. It was good. Not what I would have ever ordered on my own. Not what I was expecting. But it turns out that cheesy, garlicky, warm, bagel can be really good. I guess just like any good cheesy garlic bread at an Italian place. I know Noah's actually has a garlic bagel, and a bunch of different cheese bagels, so I might be tempted to try those out too, although I'm not sure how I'd top them. Cream cheese doesn't seem right, maybe just butter?
I hope these come to market, I'd certainly get another. And I can only imagine how much better it would be even warmer, if the cheese were a little more gooey ...
Original Review (circa 2013)
I'm not really sure what has inspired it, but a while ago, I went on a bagel kick. The thing is, I don't really like plain bagels, or even what I'd call "basic" bagels - sesame, poppy, everything ... they just really don't do it for me. I want bagels that are more like muffins, loaded up with goodness. Or I want to have all sorts of flavored cream cheese to put on top. Most cafes carry only standard bagel flavors, with plain cream cheese, which are so boring!
Noah's Bagels is obviously not a cafe, and of course offer something like 25 types of bagels, starting with Classics like you can find in just about any cafe (everything, plain, whole wheat, pumpernickel), to the "Signature" bagels, which are still pretty commonplace varieties, ranging from the savory (sesame, salt, garlic, egg, potato, 9 grain, sourdough, onion, asiago, etc) to sweet varieties (blueberry, cinnamon raisin, cinnamon sugar, chocolate chip, etc). For the truly interesting ones, they have "Gourmet Topped Bagels", like the dutch apple crunch, power protein, or a slew of cheesy offerings.
A few months ago, I went to a new product sampling for Noah's, for their
new bagel clusters. I tried both the sweet and savory versions, and was pleasantly surprised by the asiago garlic ones. I'd never had cheesy bagels before, but the cheesy bagel clusters inspired me to try their slew of the regular cheese bagel options.
I've also tried a few other bagels and spreads from Noah's over the years, so I've included those notes below too.
Overall, Noah's is nothing to write home about. Their bagels remind me more of bread than what I consider a bagel. I realize that yes, bagels are a bread product, but particularly if you were to just eat one plain, they really are just bread. They don't have an interesting chew, nor a crust to speak of. They are moist and fluffy. I think they are not boiled like real bagels should be. You certainly wouldn't ever want to just eat one plain. If you toast it and add a generous slathering of their slew of flavored cream cheeses, or turn it into a bagel sandwich or pizza bagel, then perhaps they are worth eating. But as a bagel? Not winners.
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| Tuscan Pesto Gourmet Topped Bagel. |
I started with the most extravagant of the cheesy bagels - Tuscan Pesto Gourmet Topped Bagel. You may be looking at the photo and saying, "uh, bagel? Where is the hole?" I guess the "gourmet topped bagels" are regular bagels, but with so many toppings baked in that they cover the hole.
I'm not sure what a tuscan pesto bagel really is made of. Their website has absolutely no information. It seemed to be a plain bagel, topped with some form of cheese, some pesto, and it seemed like onions?
I also wasn't entirely sure what to do with it. They say that the gourmet topped bagels are designed to stand alone, or be served with cream cheese. Putting cream cheese on this seemed really strange. I sliced mine in half and toasted it. The top half, with all the pesto and cheese, was decent enough. Basically warm, pesto-y, cheesy bread. It certainly didn't benefit in any way from being a bagel, nor were the pesto or cheese particularly good, but it was what it was. Not a breakfast item, and not really a meal, perhaps a side with some pasta? But again, why a bagel?
The bottom was pretty much devoid of anything worthwhile though. It was just a plain bagel, slightly more oily than normal from oils that ran off the cheese when they baked it. Recall that I find no purpose in life for plain bagels, particularly not for oily ones that are basically just bread. I turned it into a pizza bagel with sauce, and it was ok, but I was just trying to salvage it at that point.
Maybe I just don't get it, but I don't see why I'd ever want this. If I wanted a good bagel, this is not it. And if I wanted good cheesy pesto bread, this was also not it. A mediocre cross of all of the above. Meh.
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| Cheddar Jalapeño Gourmet Topped Bagel. |
Next I moved on to another of the gourmet topped bagels, the Cheddar Jalapeño Gourmet Topped Bagel. Like the tuscan pesto, it was a plain bagel, coated in cheese and toppings, with the hole filled in.
This one was worse than the tuscan pesto. That one at least had something interesting going on from the pesto and herbs, but this was just a plain bagel, covered in poor quality cheddar, with a few slices of probably canned jalapeño. Yes, the jalapeño had a little heat, but it wasn't interesting enough to stand alone. Perhaps it would work with some sundried tomato cream cheese?
I wasn't sure what to do with it. Again, why was it a bagel? Maybe it would have worked well with egg in it as a breakfast sandwich, with the cheese on the bagel instead of inside? Since I saw it as basically just cheesy jalapeño bread, I cut it into chunks, warmed it up, and served it alongside some chili. It worked fine as a cheesy bread to dunk into my chili, but again, why a bagel? I wouldn't get again.
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| Asiago Cheese Signature Bagel. |
And finally, the most basic of the cheese bagels, this one from the Signature bagel line. A standard bagel, (this time with a hole!), and some asiago baked on top.
The asiago actually had a decent flavor, far more flavorful than the other cheese bagels I tried. But again, I wasn't sure what to do with it. Sundried tomato cream cheese? Turn it into a pizza bagel? I dunno. I wouldn't get again.
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Assorted Bagels
- Blueberry Bagel: Loaded up with blueberries, but just not much flavor. Decent chew. Nothing great, and wouldn't get again.
- Pumpkin Bagel: Very … pumpkiny. But same boring, bread-like, texture.
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| Blueberry Shmear. |
I liked that it was whipped and fluffy, but it did not have much flavor to it. Blueberry cream cheese, er, shmear, should taste like blueberries! Meh.
