Tarts de Feybesse

Ooph.

That about sums up how I feel about Tarts de Feybesse.  And I feel bad about it, but ... wow, this place let me down.  I went in with fairly low expectations, given just how mixed online reviews were, but even so, ooph.  This just isn't going to be a positive review.

But let's back up.  Tarts de Feybesse is a newish bakery in Oakland, with a great pedigree - the pastry chef was a James Beard semifinalist of Outstanding Pastry Chef or Baker.  She was on Top Chef.  Some of their creations went viral pretty quickly on Instagram due to the quasi-realistic nature of the fruit entremets.  And yet reviews ... paint a very mixed picture, particularly for the price.  Still, I love baked goods, so I was excited to try them nonetheless.

I didn't actually venture to Oakland myself to seek these potentially mediocre items out, but instead was treated to a popup event at my office.  They brought 8 items with them (3 pastries, 4 entremet, 1 other).  I used restraint and selected only 4 items, which still felt a bit greedy, but truly I would have liked to try any and all of them ... or so I thought.  But one by one, I was let down.

Viennoiseries

The lineup starts with some classic viennoiseries.  These don't seem particularly noteworthy, just the basics, besides the savory ham and cheese "escargot", which sadly they didn't have with them at the popup.  People on Yelp/Google reviews do seem slightly more positive on these items than the more elaborate pastries, so I did select one to try.

Pain au Chocolat. $6.50.

"Laminated pastry with dark chocolate batons."

I went for a pain au chocolat, despite it looking a bit over baked and quite dark. The outside shattered nicely, which was a good sign, but it did taste burnt on the outside.

Pain au Chocolat: Inside.

I was let down pretty much immediately though when I cut it in half.  The single baton of chocolate was a meager filling.  The lamination was mediocre. The flavor of the pastry was average, not particularly rich nor buttery.  The chocolate seemed to be fine quality at least?

A very average pastry, as in, hotel buffet quality, but not what I'd expect from a French style bakery, even one in the US. Low 3/5.

Apple Chausson. $6.50.

"Apple compote baked in puff pastry."

I feel regret that I didn't try the apple chausson, but I was trying to be reasonable and only take one item from each category, and this was my second choice of viennoiseries, so I moved on.

Pistachio Eclair. $8.50.

"Choux puffs filled with pastry cream."

I also skipped the pistachio eclair, despite loving pistachio, as I don't generally care for choux pastry, and again, was trying to be reasonable and not take everything.  I'm still so curious about that pistachio filling though ...

Trompe L'oeil

The main attraction, or at least what gets all the Instagram and media buzz, is their signature lineup of Trompe L'oeil, basically quasi-realistic fruit shaped entremet.  Since these were the most appealing and interesting, I selected two to try.

Mango. $15.

"Almond financier base, Manila mango compote, white chocolate mousse and chocolate shell."

This looked stunning.  Not quite realistic, but, stunning nonetheless.  I was worried about style over substance, but I had hope, just given how nice it really did look.  This is their best selling and most popular dessert, for a reason.  It did indeed draw me in.

But I was let down the moment I dug in.

Mango: Inside.

Where to start.

I guess, the shell.  The shell was painted white chocolate.  I read reviews that commented on how waxy it was, and how it just tasted like candymelts, but I didn't quite believe them.  I assumed they were white chocolate snobs.  I love white chocolate, and don't have particularly high standards for it.  But ... indeed, this was really waxy, fake sweet, and not enjoyable.  It is rare that dislike white chocolate this much.  This was exactly the kind of white chocolate that makes people think they don't like white chocolate.

Then, the base.  A dense, wet, possible almond or coconut joconde? (A: almond financier). It was the type of cake that you take a bite and think, "Eww, this must be gluten-free".  But I don't think it was.  It just wasn't pleasant, like soggy dense sawdust compressed together.

Above that was the mango layer.  Surely it would be ok?  Sadly, no.  The mango was sour, not ripe, again, just not enjoyable.  The surrounding white part seemed to a fairly flavorless panna cotta.

I was shocked by how much I disliked all these elements, even though I knew reviews warned me, I still didn't really expect it to be this not tasty.  I'll give a generous 2/5, because it was pretty, and the cream was fine?

Raspberry. $12.

I wanted to try the raspberry too, but that was my third pick out of the trompe l'oeil, and I only went with two.

Lemon. 

"Lemon curd, lemon mousse, white chocolate."

The lemon was the most realistic looking of the bunch.

Vanilla Bean.

The vanilla bean item was hands down the least attractive item in the lineup.  And perhaps the most boring, after all, people literally call things "vanilla" to mean plain or boring.  I think it was supposed to resemble a vanilla bean.  Maybe?  This was my second pick of items though because I know how stunning a really good vanilla bean item can be, and know how easy to overlook it can be.  I dug in to my, uh, log.

Vanilla Bean: Inside.

It had the same very low quality waxy white chocolate shell as the mango.  And it had cream filling.  And ... that was it?  Where was the vanilla bean?  I didn't taste any vanilla bean, I simply tasted crappy white chocolate/wax.  This was perhaps even worse than the mango, as it was hard to extract even just the cream to eat. 1.5/5.

Other

The bakery also has a few other assorted items, like a basque cheesecake, classic Opera cake, and breads.  They only brought one other item with them, which I gleefully snatched up.

Riz au Lait. $10. 

"Creamy Tahitian vanilla bean rice pudding, French style."

Although it really didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the menu, as a pudding lover, I was thrilled to see the kinda random riz au lait on the menu.  It came in fairly average jar, a bit of a surprise given the visual appeal of other items.

The pudding was ... ok.  It did have ok vanilla bean flavor, unlike, well, the vanilla bean pastry itself.  I'm not sure what French style means exactly.  It wasn't too sweet.  The rice though was ... pulverized.  Tiny bits of rice, and very soft ones at that.  So it ate more like a mush than a rice pudding.  Is that French style?  I have no idea, but it is not a style I like it turns out.

I didn't particularly like this, but it was the best of the 4 items I tried by far in that I didn't actively find it to be poorly made, just I guess a different style. Or maybe it was poorly executed and not supposed to be mush. Id unno.  Low 2/5 and I struggled to want to finish it.