Quest Nutrition Bars

Quest Nutrition is another nutrition snack foods company, focusing on high protein items.  They made protein powder, bars, protein pasta, and even, uh, protein chips and peanut butter cups.  

Protein Bars (Original Review, 2016)

I've tried only the bars, as they are an easy grab-n-go item for me when I'm dashing around on weekends.  Quest makes 3 different product lines for bars: "Cereal Protein Bars", in flavors like Waffle and Cinnamon Roll, Hero bars, with gooey fillings and sweet candy-like coatings, and more standard protein bars.

"America's Favorite Protein Bar leads the charge in Quest's mission to end metabolic disease. Every delicious Quest Bar flavor has 20-21 grams of protein and plenty of fiber without a lot of unnecessary ingredients or extra carbs. All Quest Bars are gluten and soy free, and contain no added sugar."

It is the protein bars that I tried, which is also their most extensive product line, with more than 20 varieties, many of which sound rather awesome (e.g. Strawberry Cheesecake, Cinnamon Roll, PB & J, Mint Chocolate Chunk).

The protein bars are high protein, 20+ grams per bar, made from a protein blend of milk protein isolate and whey protein isolate, along with soluble corn fiber, almonds, and, some chemicals.  They are virtual no sugar, using artificial sweetener only.  Sounds promising, nutritionally, in some ways.

I tried several flavors, and, I have to admit, my reaction was a bit unexpected.  The texture is all wrong, but, they don't taste that bad.  I stopped after trying only 3 varieties however because whey protein isolate bothers my stomach, and, these made me feel awful almost immediately.  If you can tolerate whey protein isolate though, I do recommend, for taste and yummy chunks inside!

S'mores Protein Bar.

"Toasty-sweet marshmallow, rich chocolate and crisp graham cracker layered together in this melt-in-your-mouth, campfire classic. "

This one looked ... promising.  I could indeed see large chunks of chocolate.  I could indeed see areas of graham cracker.  It didn't look THAT fake.

And, at first bite, it wasn't awful either.  It was kind of a strange texture, but I loved the big chunk of chocolate.  And then ... the aftertaste hit.  Wow, it was horrible.  I don't know what it was, if it was the "protein blend" or all the artificial sweeteners.  Whatever it was, it was truly awful.  I actually spit it out.  I couldn't handle it, nor could I handle taking a second bite to give it another chance.  Zero stars?

Cookies & Cream.

"With real cookie crumbles and delicious cream, America’s favorite flavor can now be your favorite Quest Bar! "

So, I tried another, the promising sounding Cookies & Cream.

And, like the S'mores, it was actually almost good.  The texture was odd, but it had huge chunks of chocolate cookie and cream in it, both of which were actually good.  This was much better than the S'mores.

Except, well, it had the strange protein blend in it, which immediately made my stomach feel really funny.

I need to stop trying these bars! **.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.

"Our best-selling bar is like sneaking a spoonful of cookie dough straight from the bowl."

I don't listen to my own advice.  Particularly when I discover cookie dough bars.

It was like every other bar.  The texture is strange, the taste is strange, but, the chocolate chunks and slightly cookie dough nature of it are good.  And it makes my stomach feel strange.  **.

Protein Chips (2023 Review)

Quest makes two styles of protein chips, either tortilla chips or "original style".  The tortilla chips look much like regular tortilla chips, triangle shaped, and they come in a bunch of zesty varieties (nacho cheese, chile lime, ranch, spicy sweet chili, loaded taco).  The original style aren't really standard potato chips, but rather, they seem to be baked, hexagon shaped, and look much like Popchips.  They come in more standard potato chip flavors such as sour cream & onion, cheddar & sour cream, or bbq.  All use their protein blend (whey and milk protein isolates), and boast a fairly impressive load of protein (19g per bag or so).

I tried only one kind of tortilla style chips, but I'd gladly try more.  Which, is very odd for me to say.

Loaded Taco.

"Say hola to the Quest Loaded Taco Tortilla Style Protein Chips! Each crunchy chip is seasoned with loaded taco flavor and ready to feed your taco cravings whenever they hit. Keto-friendly."

Things I don't generally like: tortilla chips.  Tacos.  Most Mexican food.  Healthy strange protein items.  And yet ...  I both tried, and liked, these taco flavored protein tortilla chips?  Um, yes.

I kinda liked them.  Yes, they tasted quite a bit like Doritos, which I generally do not like (although not as heavy in the tomato department).  Mostly zesty, slightly cheesy, tortilla chips.  They had a good crunch and completely normal tortilla chip texture.  Very savory.  They had a slightly odd aftertaste, but, there was so much spicing that it was easy to overlook.  I didn't hate them.  They went remarkably well with salads with tomatoes and/or corn, and great with Mexican style chipotle like creamy dressings.  

I easily finished my bag.  While I wouldn't seek them out again, they really weren't bad, and the protein stats are quite compelling (and, somehow, the protein isolates in this form didn't bother my stomach the way it does in bars).  I'd like to try more flavors.  ***.

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Culture, An American Yogurt Company, NYC

If you have read my blog, or know me at all, you know how much I enjoy ice cream/frozen yogurt/gelato/etc.  I have a scoop of some kind of frozen treat with nearly every dessert after dinner (warm pie a la mode, fruit crisps/crumbles/tarts always "need" a scoop, even a heated up leftover donut requires ice cream in my world ...).  Most week days I have the soft serve at my office after lunch, and weekend lunches *always* conclude with a warm chocolate cake or cookie with ice cream on top.  So ice cream (and its close relatives) are just part of my everyday baseline.  

But when you put me in warm, sunny weather, I turn a bit crazy about frozen desserts.  About soft serve in particular.  I don't just want my afternoon frozen treat as a component in a larger creation, I need it to be THE starring role.  And it needs to be soft serve (hard serve is for eating at home!).  It needs to be consumed outside, in the afternoon sun.  Rainy days need not apply.  If it is ice cream, or frozen yogurt, from a shop that doesn't specialize in toppings, then it needs to be in a cone (cake cone, not sugar, ideally cone shaped but the flat bottom will do), with sprinkles or dip.  If the temperature is over 85*, dip is not considered.  If it is a shop known for toppings, which is generally more true for froyo than ice cream, then, a dish with ALL the toppings is in order.

Now that you have this context, let me further explain that I got to live in New York for the month of August this year.  Let's just say, I certainly made the most of my soft serve "needs".  I dragged coworkers nearly immediately to Soft Swerve, my favorite soft serve ice cream in the city.  I took advantage of birthday freebie scoops to get generic hard serve at Baskin-Robbins and Haagen-datz, and birthday froyo at Pinkberry and 16 Handles.  I indulged in the office soft serve ice cream every single day.  I finally ventured to Mister Dips to get an epic soft serve creation there (review coming soon!).  On so on.

My last week in town, my co-workers wanted to get me cake to celebrate.  Now, NY has excellent cake, don't get me wrong, and I had plenty of it too when I was there (namely, Empire Cake, several times a week, without fail!), but I wanted more of an adventure.  It was going to be 90*+, and, well, I certainly could not stay indoors eating cake.  I had to go get creamy soft serve.

My destination, and thus theirs, was Culture, An American Yogurt Company.

"Here at Culture An American Yogurt Company our goal is to provide a healthy snack alternative to those who crave quality strained yogurt combined with artisanal toppings. We manufacture fresh and frozen yogurt in house. Our yogurt is made from specially selected live probiotic cultures and the freshest local milk, nothing more. Manufacturing all yogurts on premises ensures quality health-conscious treats that are extremely fresh."

I was drawn to it because it sounded like no other froyo around.  The froyo (and their own regular yogurt too) are made fresh every morning.  They use local dairy.  Flavors rotate daily, and are generally quite fascinating.  Toppings are not your run-of-the-mill generic shop options, rather many are housemade, and they are well curated.

Menu Board.

Culture offers both regular (as in, non-frozen) Greek yogurt, and of course, the reason we were there, froyo.

This location has 6 flavors, which change daily.  On the day we visited, the flavors were:

• Original
• Nutella 
• Lychee 
• Pear Ginger 
• Unsweetened Raspberry
• Organic Cherry Vanilla

They seem to always have one organic, one unsweet, and one chocolate-adjacent, along with two others, and the always-available original flavor.  Prices for basic cup/cone are $5 kid's, $6 small, $7 medium $7, and $8.50 large(-$1 for non-frozen yogurt, +$1 for organic flavor).  

From there, of course, are the toppings.  The lineup of toppings features fresh fruits, sprinkles, sauces, nuts, seeds, granola, and then the less healthy options like white chocolate shavings, chocolate chip cookie bits, and mochi.  No real candy toppings.  Basic toppings are $1 each, or you can opt for a specialty curated topping creation for $2 each, which includes an option key lime pie (lime custard, crumble, lime syrup) or the classic sundae (cookie cup(!), sauce, whipped cream, cherry on top), along with higher end toppings like their version of wet walnuts (featuring maple syrup instead) or sophisticated balsamic strawberries.

Our group exclusively got frozen yogurt, in a variety of flavors and topping combinations.

I sampled all but the unsweet raspberry flavor, and the one person who tried that puckered up immediately and exclaimed over how very unsweet it was.

Lychee:  This was my favorite of the flavors I tried.  It was not nearly as sweet as I expected, and the lychee flavor was fairly subtle.  Just a lightly sweet, tangy, yogurt.  If I had wanted just fruit toppings, or fruit/granola, or mochi, I would have opted for this flavor.  Another member of my group really liked it.  ***+.

Pear Ginger:  This was by far the most flavorful of the flavors.  We nearly all agreed that it was *too* flavorful.  The ginger was insane.  That said, one co-worker did get it.  **.

Organic Cherry Vanilla:  I expected more from this.  It was lightly fruity, lightly sweet, but I wouldn't have been able to tell you it was cherry, and I didn't taste anything particularly vanilla either.  I wanted it to be creamier, and just more ... something.  It was a touch too boring.  ***.

Nutella: I'm not a huge Nutella fan, but, I wanted to try this as it regularly gets raves.  It was good, sweet, sorta chocolately.  A touch grainy and not as smooth as the others.  I would have been happy enough with this flavor if I had wanted something more chocolately.  ***+.

Overall, I found the flavors (besides the pear ginger) to be a bit muted, but, the quality yogurt was quite clear.  This is frozen yogurt for those who actually like yogurt, and not just flavor syrups).

Small Original Tart ($6) Vermont Maple Specialty Sundae ($2)
w/ Strawberry & White Chocolate Shavings (+$1 extra).

In the end, I went with the simple, classic, "original" flavor, which is a lightly sweet tart flavor, much like Pinkberry's standard original flavor, or Anita Gelato's froyo, just, a bit stronger in the actual yogurt taste.  You can tell you are eating a relatively healthy, actual yogurt base here.  Not a super rich, creamy froyo - you wouldn't accidentally think it was ice cream, but, a refreshing, tart, not too sweet, quality yogurt.  ***+.

I opted for the original flavor because I was really curious about the special "Vermont Maple sundae".  You see, I really do quite like wet walnuts, and this is their play on wet walnuts, just, more sophisticated, using maple syrup, yes, real syrup, rather than standard cloying corn syrup goo.  The Vermont Maple sundae comes with your choice of fruit (banana, strawberry, blueberry), and I opted for strawberry, but also added white chocolate shavings, as I kinda adore white chocolate, and was excited to see them offered, not just little chips.

The toppings were quite generously piled on, and for $1 per topping, this really did feel like a reasonable price.  The berries were fresh and chopped into perfect size pieces, the walnuts had a lovely maple flavor (and syrup to them that coated the froyo), and, I loved the standard sweet white chocolate shavings.  With all my sweet toppings, it certainly didn't eat like a healthy, tart yogurt, but that was fine with me.

Overall, enjoyable, quality product, but I didn't find myself super excited to return.  ***+.

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Eléa, NYC

My last week in New York, I was really, really craving nice grilled octopus.  Yes, random, and specific, but I had really excellent octopus at The Rusty Face in Brooklyn just a few weeks prior, and had been craving more ever since.  My office served it a few times in those weeks in-between, and it was always good, but, not even on par with The Rusty Face version.  I really wanted one more great octopus dish before I left.

I had a handful of restaurants on my short list for octopus, that I had researched meticulously, but, somehow, at last minute, I pivoted to a totally different venue, one that I had only heard about an hour before.  Why?  Simple.  A friend highly recommended it, for the octopus in particular.   Thus, my restaurant of choice was Eléa.

"Meaning “olive” in ancient Greek, Eléa offers guests a menu of soulful and modern Greek dishes that encompass flavors across the region’s many islands and terrains."

So, yes, not only was I getting my last chance octopus from a place I had barely just heard of, I was getting it from a Greek restaurant.  Greek is rarely my style of cuisine.

Eléa has an extensive menu, ranging from raw bar selections, to salads, a slew of spreads, appetizers, seafood dishes, lamb, ribs, filet mignon, etc, etc.  Great sounding dessert lineup.  I was there just for the octpus, but couldn't help myself from ordering a spread too.

Branded Bag.

It was not particularly close by, so I ordered delivery (which, took forever!).  The custom Eléa bag gave my delivery order a classy touch.

Selection of Spreads: Taramo Salata & Pita. $10.

"Roe of grey mullet fish, capers, red onion."

To start, Elea offers a selection of spreads (literally, an entire section of the menu called "Selection of Spreads"), for $10 each ($21 for a trio, $29 for five).  The lineup includes the standards of hummus and tzatziki, along wtih more interesting options like melitzanosalata (eggplant based), tyrokafteri (red pepper), skordalia (almond/garlic), fava, and, the one I went for, taramo salata (fish roe).  I was thrilled to see the taramosalata on the menu, as I fell in love with it many years ago when a hotel I was staying at had it nightly in the lounge, and I binged on it for days on end.  I don't know the last time I had it!

When I opened my container, I was a bit surprised.  I expected the spread to have more color to it from the roe, but also, to be topped with capers and red onions as their online photos showed, and description implied.  This looked more like ... very white hummus, or maybe the skordalia dip?  I tasted it, and was even more let down.  It didn't taste like much at all.  Sorta like slightly thick mayo.  Maybe a touch of garlic.  Where was the fishy flavors from the roe?  The brininess from the capers? The acid from the red onion?    It was smooth and creamy, but, that is about all that was positive about it.  The flavor was really, really lacking.  I'm still not entirely sure if this dish was correct (was it another spread?) or if it was accidentally unfinished (should it have had the toppings?), but, it was bland and boring.  * for smoothness, but, hard to give it much more credit.

It came with a substantial portion of pita (perhaps part was for my other dish?), wrapped in foil to keep it warm.  It was highly average pita. Not particularly light and fluffy, and a thin style.  I don't generally like pita all that much (exception being sometimes I really do like the big puffy version from Oren's Hummus), so take my "meh" with a grain of salt, as I'll usually say "meh" about pita.  **.

Overall, a complete let down.  The portion was generous, but, not actually welcome as it was so bland.

Eléa Classics: Htapodi. $27.

"Grilled Spanish octopus, fava puree, pickled pearl onions, confit cherry tomatoes, capers."

The real reason I ordered from Eléa of course was for the well regarded octopus.  The Eléa version came with some things I do enjoy (capers, pearl onions, confit tomatoes even) and one thing I was really not excited for (fava puree), as I don't care for legumes.  But my friend who recommended the dish, and nearly every online review I saw, all raved about that puree with this dish, so, I was at least willing to try it.  I did ask for it to be separate, on the side, in my order instructions, but that note was not honored by the restaurant.

The octopus itself was fine.  It was cooked well - not chewy, not rubbery, not overcooked, properly cleaned, etc.  The pieces were cut into an easy to eat size.  But it was simply just roasted I think, as it had no grill marks nor smoky flavor.  I really like a smoky octopus, charcoal grilled, etc, and this was just plain.  So, execution was fine, for that style, but I wanted it smokier.  ***.

The toppings let me down a fair amount.  I loved the capers, the brininess they added, and there was tons of them.  They went very well with the octopus.  So those were a win.  ****.  

But the pearl onions, which I expected to love as I love onions in general, and pearl in particular, just had an odd taste to them.  I know they were pickled, but these had a flavor that just didn't appeal to me.  Somewhat acidic, yes, but there was more to it.  I ended up discarding these after trying a few and just truly not enjoying.  They were cooked nicely though, soft, not raw, not slimy. **.

Then, the cherry tomatoes, that said they were "confit" but really seemed basically raw.  Slightly softened from being with the warm other ingredients, but definitely not confit.  They were fine, but, average, and just lightly warmed tomatoes.  ***.

And lastly, the fava puree.  I think the fava puree here is the same that you can order as a standalone dip, with Santorini yellow split pea, shallots, dill.  It ... reminded me a lot of hummus, which makes sense.  And I don't like hummus.  I had hoped the fava flavor would somehow be mroe interesting, or perhaps that the shallots and dill would lift it, but ... yeah, not my thing.  It was remarkably smooth though, and a nice thickness.  It also seems odd to lose your delightful octopus in the spread ... even if I liked it.  **.

So, overall, lots of elements that just weren't really my preference, and octopus that was prepared well, but not in the style I wanted, so, overall, a pretty average dish for me, not one I'd get again.  ***.

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CLIF Bars

Why do so many sports/nutrition bars always sound SOOO good, but then, well, taste like nutrition bars?  While there are a few brands of these sorts of grab-n-go bars that I actually like (such as Perfect Bars, which I genuinely like), most tend to have a odd texture, bad aftertaste, or leave my stomach feeling unsettled (whey protein and my stomach are not friends).  And yet, I do keep trying them, because I often want an easy snack on hand when I'm out and about.  Plus, I'll admit, I can get drawn in by the flavor names.  

These days, you certainly have your choice of sports and nutrition bars to pick from.  Every grocery store, corner store, even vending machine will give you options for bars, some vegan, some high protein, some high maintenance that require refrigeration, etc.  So many choices.  But back in the day, there was CLIF, the original pioneer in the market, started back in 1992, and mainly targeted at hikers.  Now CLIF makes many different product lines, such as the classic CLIF energy bars, high protein BUILDERS bars, crunchy granola CRUNCH bars, trail mix style MOJO bars, and the children's Zbar line, along with the spin-off brand, LUNA, which is bars specially designed for women (that I've reviewed before), cereals, and gels.  So many products.  But back to those flavor names that draw me in.

"Spiced Pumpkin Pie", "Peanut Toffee Buzz", "Peanut Butter Pretzel", "Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough", "S'mores", "Caramel Nut Brownie" ... these are just some of the enticing product names from CLIF.  I've tried many of their products over the years, most I don't really care for, but I do sometimes find a hit (and I'll admit I don't mind most of the kids Zbars).s

Classic Clif Bars

"CLIF BAR® Energy Bar is the first bar we made, and it’s still everything we’re about. Nutritious, organic ingredients. Performance nutrition. And great taste. Whether you’re on a 150-mile bike ride or exploring a new trail, this energy bar is built to sustain your adventure."

The original product from the company is the signature CLIF energy bars.  They are all pretty much the same, made with mostly organic ingredients, focus is on sustained energy, a good blend of carbs, protein, and fiber.  They are designed to be eaten at least an hour before hard exercise, or afterwards as a recovery item.  They aren't really meant to just be snack foods, and uh, taste that way.  Maybe this is good, because if they tasted as good as their names, I'd probably try to eat them as snacks.

The base for the bars is all the same, a mix of oats, brown rice syrup, soy butter, and date paste, along with some Clif special mixtures: ClifPro® (made from a bunch of soy products) and ClifCrunch® (made from assorted products to add fiber).  This gives them all the same texture, just kinda mushy, very dense, with some oats in it.  The flavor variety comes from the mix-ins and drizzles on top, that sound good, but never really save the bars.  These things don't taste bad per se, but I don't know why I'd ever want to eat one.  Unless I was needing it for athletic nutrition.  Which ... gee, I guess that is what they are for after all ...

Sierra Trail Mix Clif Bar.

"Bringing together timeless trail mix ingredients such as peanuts, raisins, chocolate and seeds."

Mmm, who doesn't like trail mix (always called GORP in my household ... aka, "good old raisins and peanuts", usually made with M&Ms too).

This sounded like the most promising Clif bar to me.  It was their standard base, with added peanuts, chocolate chips, raisins, and pumpkin and sunflower seeds.

Like all the bars, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't very good.  The right thing for hiking, or sports recovery, but not something you'd ever want to just grab to eat.  Or at least, I don't.  **+.

Peanut Toffee Buzz.

"Crunchy peanut toffee meets roasted peanuts and organic peanut butter."

Now, this sounded good.  Crunchy toffee? Roasted peanuts?  Peanut butter?  Plus it contains caffeine from green tea extract, hence, the "buzz" part of the name.

It even looks good, drizzled with something on top.  But ... it is still a Clif bar.  The little bits of toffee were tasty, as were the chunks of peanuts, but, the texture and flavor of the base is just really not good.  I need to remember that I never actually like Clif bars and stop trying these!  **+.

Chocolate Chip Peanut Crunch.

"Chocolate chips and crunchy peanuts for serious satisfaction."

Ok, so I never like regular Clif bars, but ... chocolate chips and peanuts sounded so promising.

But chocolate chips and peanuts don't make up for a bar that is made from soy protein isolate, soybeans, oats and oat fiber, and strange flours.

Sure, the bits of chocolate and peanut "crunch" looked appealing, but they weren't actually tastable in the bar given the other dominant ingredients.

I don't like Clif bars.  *+.

Chocolate Chip Peanut Crunch.
(2023 Update).

"Chocolate chips and crunchy peanuts for serious satisfaction."

I was drawn in to this bar by the name, as, well, I like chocolate chips, peanuts, and crunchy things, but forgot that I had tried it, and not cared for it, years ago.

Given the first ingredient in the name, "chocolate chip", I was surprised to see so few chocolate chips.  This is not a chocolate dominant, or even all that noticeable, bar.  There was decent texture ("crunch") from the bits of peanut and protein isolate crisps, and very light peanut flavor, but mostly, it tasted like Clif fake chemical mixes.  

It had a nice chew, and is a bar that eats nicely, but, you really have to like the taste of the classic Clif mix, which, I don't.  **.

White Chocolate Macadamia Nut.

"Roasted macadamia nuts meet creamy, scrumptious white chocolate flavor."

I know I should give up but ... white chocolate and macadamia nuts are things I love!

The first time I had this, I liked the sweet white chocolate nuts, but couldn't really find the macadamia nuts.  I noted it was "the best Clif bar I’ve had, but I didn’t LOVE it.".

So I tried it again.

I was much less impressed this time.  As always, I hated the base.  I still didn't find anything I'd identify as a macadamia nut.  And I didn't find white chocolate really either.  There *were* white soft chunks, that seemed like they should be white chocolate, but, they instead tasted mostly like ... nothing?

Do not like. *.

Peanut Toffee Buzz.

"Crunchy peanut toffee meets roasted peanuts and organic peanut butter."
Surely this would be good right?  Peanuts? Toffee? Peanut butter and peanuts were early in the ingredient list.  I had hope.

I shouldn't have.  Still a Clif bar.  Still just such an awful mushy texture, awful taste from all the protein isolates.

I hunted for peanuts, as I could see bits of peanut, but, alas, they weren't really to be found.  I didn't taste any peanut.

I hunted for toffee, and what I found were little bits of soft mush, kinda sweet.  Was that the toffee?  It wasn't worth seeking out.

I have no idea what the icing drizzle on top was.

The "buzz" comes from green tea extract, also, not something I detected.

Sigh, Clif bars. *.

Blueberry Crisp.

"Inspired by the home-baked flavor of blueberry crisp fresh from the oven."

Great blueberry flavor, aroma of a blueberry muffin, dried blueberries soft and sweet, nice crunch from chopped almonds, and then ... the Clif bar funk.  #stillAClifBar *+.

Oatmeal Raisin Walnut.

"Plump raisins, sweet cinnamon and organic rolled oats combine for ol’ fashioned, home-baked goodness."

Great aroma.  Almost seemed like it was going to be a pleasant oatmeal raisin cookie-like experience.

And then it was a Clif Bar.  Horrible texture, strange flavor. Did not like. *.

Carrot Cake.

"Warm, sweet spices paired with the fresh taste of carrots, raisins & apples."

I don't know about you, but when I think of carrot cake, the spices, raisins, and apples (?) aren't exactly my focus.  Carrot cake is all about the cream cheese frosting!  I thought this would be drizzled with some kind of healthy icing, but alas, it wasn't.

I also don't think of soy protein isolate, soybeans, oat fiber, rolled oats, etc, obviously.

So the base of this met my Clif bar expectations, even though not my carrot cake expectations: horrible flavor and texture, lots of weird stuffs going on in there.  It did had actual chunks of carrots, and some classic carrot cake spicing (nutmeg, cinnamon, cloves), so, I'll give them that. *+.

Carrot Cake: Detail.

The thing that really surprised me was the white chunks, visible here on the underside.  Given the ingredient list, and description, I thought, "oh, chunks of dried apple, boo", but they turned out to be chunks of something sweet and actually tasty.  Like white chocolate or even sorta kinda cream cheese inspired.  I actually really liked them.

But I have no idea what they were.  There is no white chocolate ingredients, no dairy ingredients ... they were some magic combination of isolates and strange sweeteners that managed to taste good?  No idea.

Berry Pomegranate Chia.

"A sweet and tangy combination of strawberries, cranberries, pomegranates & organic chia seeds."

How did I wind up with this?  I have no idea.  I certainly didn't purchase it, given my general displeasure with Clif bars, my complete and utter dislike of chia, and general feelings of "eh" on cranberries and pomegranates.

Better question ... why did I bother try it?  Again, I have no idea, except my desire to try #allTheThings and you know, "do it for my readers".  Y'all are important to me!

The shocking thing to me is that I didn't hate it.  Maybe I was in the mood?  The texture was good, slight crunch.  It tasted healthy, but not in a bad way.  It was pretty fruity.  Sure, the fruits weren't ones I really wanted, but it was vaguely "kinda tart, kinda sweet berry" flavor, certainly not identifiable as pomegranate, which makes sense, since dried cranberries and dried strawberries come long long before the pomegranate powder in the ingredient list.

If you like chia and fruity-tart flavors, give this one a try. **+.

Additional flavors tried: 

• Chocolate Brownie: "The rich, indulgent flavor of a fresh-baked brownie.". Mushy texture, not very good flavor.  Did not deliver the "brownie" it promised! *.
• Chocolate Chip: "The classic, cravable taste of a fresh chocolate chip cookie." Same mushy base, little bits of decent chocolate chips, chocolate drizzle on top for a tiny bit more chocolate, but overall, just sweet and mushy and not something I want.  *+.
• Crunchy Peanut Butter: "Smooth, organic peanut butter mixed with crunchy peanut pieces.". Same mushy base, although with nice peanut butter flavor.  But I'd much rather taste my peanut butter in another form. **.
• Coconut Chocolate Chip: "Sweet organic coconut paired with chocolate chips and a creamy chocolate drizzle." Again, mushy, but the coconut flakes added a little more texture, making it a bit crunchy.  This was better.  The flavor from the coconut was also good.  One of the better Clif bars, but I wouldn't really want more. **+.

Crunch

For a while, Clif made a line of bars known as "Crunch".  These are crunchy, fairly classic granola bars, marketed as a lighter option than the Clif energy bars.  They amp up the fiber content by incorporating rye flakes, barley flakes, oat bran, and oat flour, along with the standard toasted oats and rice crisps.

 They were discontinued, but I still tried one once.

Honey Oat CRUNCH bar.

This was a serious meh for me. I don't tend to like hard style granola bars, and this was no exception.  A hard, crisp granola bar.  Seemed very generic, although it had all sorts of different ingredients besides standard oats (rye flakes, barley flakes, rice crisps).  None of them really added any flavor, and this was majorly lacking in flavor.  I guess you don't expect much from honey oat flavor, but there was just nothing going on here.  It didn't even work chopped up on thrown on a fruit and yogurt parfait in place of granola. *+.

Mojo Bars

"Sometimes we get a craving for something sweet...and salty. That’s why we make CLIF Mojo™. It’s all about different flavors and textures to satisfy your sweet (and salty) tooth"

The Mojo line was the most candy bar like of all of their products.  Basically trail mix bars, loaded up with fruits, nuts, and candy.  Some are even dipped in chocolate.  They are sweet, salty, chewy, full of texture, and far less healthy.  These are of course, my favorites.  Yet, they were discontinued too.

Besides the soy rice crisps, they are mostly made from regular ingredients: whole macadamia nuts, peanuts, cashews, almonds, chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, white chocolate chips, pretzels, almond butter.  These are just sweet treats, no focus on sneaking fiber in there, balancing glycemic load, etc.  They are just for fun.

White Chocolate Macadamia.

First up, white chocolate macadamia.

This included pretzels, macadamia nuts, white chocolate chips, and cashews.  It sounded like a winner, but was a lot more bland than I expected.  It was mostly just sweetened stuck together soy crisps, with some pretzel pieces scattered throughout.  The pretzels didn't add the crunch nor the salt that I expected, and there was barely any white chocolate nor macadamia, so I didn't get any of those flavors either.  Sadness, as this sounded so promising!  Still, better than regular Clif bars. **+.

Dark Chocolate Almond Coconut.

"Toasted coconut, chunks of chocolate, and whole roasted almonds."

Now this was very good!

Generous sized chunks of chocolate and flakes of coconut.  Nice combination of flavors, good crunch, nicely sweet.  I didn't taste any salty component though, as advertised, but still, for a granola bar, this was quite good.  ***+.

[ No Photos ]

Other Varieties Tried.

• Dipped Chocolate Peanut: Peanuts, chocolate, pretzels, dipped in more chocolate.  This was  really great.  Whole flavorful peanuts, salty, and chocolately, all in one?  Yes please!  ****.  Subsequent review: Nice chunks of peanuts.  Slightly salty, kinda hard though, would have liked it softer.  Very little chocolate dip, just a thin layer on the bottom, so you don’t taste it much.  Good bits of pretzel, rice crispies, peanuts, and honey roasted peanuts.  ***+. 
• Mountain Mix: Made from almonds, peanuts, raisins, and chocolate chips.  It was really chewy, kinda hard to chew.  Least favorite that I tried.  Mostly just tasted like raisins and crappy peanuts.  Did not like. *+.
• Peanut Butter Pretzel: This has pretzels, peanut butter filled pretzels, and even more peanut butter. The chunks of pretzels were a good size, and it was a delightful mix of sweet and salty.  Really good. ****.

Builder's Protein Bars

"We’re all building toward something great. That’s why delicious CLIF® Builders® and CLIF® Builders® Minis offer complete plant protein, including essential amino acids to help support, rebuild, and repair muscles."

If regular Clif bars aren't substantial enough for you, the BUILDER's bars are a step up in terms of protein content, with 20g protein each.  Loaded up with all sorts of ... stuff.  Designed for building muscle.

They are layered bars, with the bottom layer made up of soy rice crisps, the top layer is a smooth concoction, and the whole thing is coated in chocolate.  Don't let the chocolate fool you.  They taste absolutely horrible.  I'd never eat these, even if I was a body builder.  There have to be better tasting ways to get an easy 20g of protein.

Cookies 'n Cream.

I lost my notes on the Cookies 'n Cream bar pictured here, but did try several others as well.

Crunchy Peanut Butter:

"No chocolate here, just a heap of crunchy, peanut-buttery, protein-packed goodness."

This tasted like paste. Not even really peanut butter flavored paste. Totally nasty.

Chocolate Mint: 

"Chocolate and protein don't get cooler than in this tasty, well-earned reward for a workout."

Every aspect of this was nasty. It did have a subtle mint flavor that was ok, but besides that, the flavors, the textures, everything was just really horrible. *.  Subsequent review:  I forgot how much I hated this before, and tried it again. So gross! The mint flavor was nice, but everything else about it was awful. *.

Organic Trail Mix Bars

"CLIF® Organic Trail Mix Bar is made for mixing it up and discovering all the good stuff the day has to offer. Combining simple and organic ingredients that are good for both our bodies and the planet, our trail mix bar comes in flavors for just about every occasion no matter where the trail takes you."

Next up, trail mix bars, another discontinued line.  These came in 4 flavors, all featuring dark chocolate: Dark Chocolate Almond Sea Salt, Dark Chocolate Cherry Almond, Dark Chocolate Pomegranate Raspberry, and Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter.

The bars are also organic and gluten-free.

Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter.

"Featuring big chunks of organic dark chocolate and organic peanut butter."

This one wasn't too bad for you, not too high in sugar (8 grams), and has moderate amount of protein (6 grams).

The base is a mix of peanuts, almonds, soybeans, and rice crisps, plus peanut butter and dark chocolate chunks.  The bottom side is coated with a dark chocolate coating.

I was pretty excited for this one, as I love peanut butter and chocolate.  But somehow, despite having both peanuts and peanut butter, I didn't really taste much peanut flavor.  The large chunks of dark chocolate were nice, but, the chocolate wasn't that intense.  The nuts were fine, but I didn't like the rice crisps.

It was also not soft, instead, it was a very hard style.  Not crispy like some bars, actually just hard.  I didn't like this. *+.

Coconut Almond Peanut.

"Featuring rich and nutty organic peanuts and organic coconut."

Like the other trail mix bar, this one isn't too high in sugar (6 grams), has a moderate amount of protein (6 grams), although might be a bit high in fat for some (13 g), due to the nuts.

The base is similar to the dark chocolate peanut butter, a mix of peanuts, almonds, soybeans, and rice crisps, plus coconut.  The bottom side was not coated like the previous bar.

This one actually tasted more peanuty than the dark chocolate peanut butter, but I didn't taste all that much coconut.  I again didn't care for the crisps.

This was a hard style bar, basically just nuts and the crisps bound together by sweeteners (tapioca syrup, cane syrup, and honey).  It wasn't bad, but, it just wasn't interesting. **.

Nut Butter Filled Bars

"The athletes and foodies in the Clif kitchen have crafted a different kind of energy bar. CLIF® Nut Butter Filled Energy Bar brings together two great energy foods – a delicious, creamy nut butter inside an organic energy bar – to deliver sustained energy."

Nut Butter filled bars are one of the newer product lines from Clif, bars filled with assorted nut butters.  These are small, but not light items, 230+ calories, and 5-7g of protein, designed truly for fuel for activity.  Some of these were decent.

Coconut Almond Butter.

"An organic energy bar filled with delicious, creamy almond butter."

I don't generally like almond butter as much as other nut butters, but I gave this bar a chance, since they were giving them out at an event I attended.  It was the first kind I tried.

And ... yeah, not for me.

The almond butter was blended with cashew butter, which didn't make it any better for me, since that was bitter.  I also didn't care for the date paste used as sweetener.  It did have nice coconut flavor to it though, and the texture (and oats) were quite nice, but, as someone who doesn't go for almond butter, cashew butter, and dates, this was just not for me. **.

Chocolate Hazelnut Butter.

"An organic energy bar filled with delicious, creamy hazelnut butter."

I moved on to a more promising sounding bar - chocolate hazelnut!

Again though, the nut butter wasn't quite as advertised.  The hazelnut butter was really a mix of hazelnut, cashew, and almond butter.  There was enough hazelnut though to balance out the others, so I didn't mind it too much.  The nut butter is also where the chocolate is, blended in, which I'm sure also helps mask the other nuts.  The filling was creamy and actually pretty enjoyable.  A healthy version of Nutella?

I again liked the texture of the outer part of the bar, the oat base was enjoyable.

This was far more successful than the first, and something I'd consider eating again, if I wanted a healthy but mid-range calorie bar. ***+.

Peanut Butter.

"An organic energy bar filled with delicious, creamy peanut butter."

Finally, my favorite kind of nut butter: peanut butter.  Yup, I guess I'm just traditional.

I was most excited for this filling, as it was just pure peanut based peanut butter, no other nuts mixed in.

The peanut butter was .. fine.  Better than the blended butters, but, it wasn't very creamy.  It was rather dry.  I actually preferred the chocolate hazelnut butter.

The wrapper layer was again decent enough.

This was very close to something I liked, I just wished the peanut butter had a bit more to offer.  And ... maybe some chocolate chips or something?  Still, I finished it with no problem. ****.

Chocolate Peanut Butter.

"An organic energy bar filled with delicious, creamy peanut butter."

I expected the Chocolate Peanut Butter to be like the Chocolate Hazelnut Butter.  That is, the oat based plain bar filled with chocolate nut butter.  Instead, it was reversed; the cocoa was in the bar, the filling was the same plain peanut butter from the standard peanut butter bar.

And again, the peanut butter just wasn't great.  Not that much flavor, not creamy.

The chocolate in the base didn't really come through.  Yes, it was dark, but, it didn't taste of much chocolate at all.

This was the bar I expected to be the highlight, since I like peanut butter, and chocolate makes better, but it really let me down.  I liked it less than the plain peanut butter.  ***.

Clif Kids

For kids, Clif has a number of product lines: zbar, zbar protein, zbar fruit & veggie, zfruit, and zfruit & veggie, the later two which ditch the grain, aka, bar, elements.

zbar

"CLIF Kid Zbar® is an organic, baked whole grain energy snack, made with a blend of carbohydrates, fiber, protein, and fat to give kids energy so they can keep zipping and zooming along. Our products never include high fructose corn syrup or artificial flavors."

I believe this was the first product line from Clif for kids.  Zbars come in 5 kid friendly varieties: chocolate brownie, chocolate chip, iced oatmeal cookie, iced lemon cookies, s'mores, all of which feature an organic oat blend as the base, with flax seed and soy butter, sweetened with cane syrup, maple syrup, and fig paste.  The bars are smaller than the adult versions, and come with attractive packaging and a drizzle over them.

Chocolate Chip.

"All the thick, chewy, goodness of a chocolate chip cookie – gone nutritious!"

The first zbar I tried was the chocolate chip.

Perhaps they can trick a child into thinking this is anything like a chocolate chip cookie, but, they sure didn't trick me.  I did not like this.

It was a dense granola bar, too bitter from the flax, and strangely sweet from the date paste.  Yes, there were tiny little chocolate chips, and a chocolate drizzle on top, but tasty this was not.

**.

Iced Oatmeal Cookie.

"A delicious and nutritious blend of organic whole grain oats with a touch of cinnamon and vanilla."

Next up, "iced oatmeal cookie".  Again, not a cookie!

A dense, hearty, healthy tasting oat based bar.  Yes, it had some cinnamon and vanilla, so had spicing like an oatmeal cookie.  Yes, it had a drizzle of icing on top.  But, no, a cookie it was not.

Maybe for a healthy bar it was fine, but if you want something remotely cookie-like, this is not it.

***.

Iced Oatmeal Cookie: Limited Edition (2022).

"A delicious and nutritious blend of organic whole grain oats with a hint of cinnamon and vanilla that your kids will ask for again and again."

The iced oatmeal cookie bar was reformulated, and came back out as a "limited edition" (that then stayed part of the lineup).   It looked nearly identical, but had 12 whole grains now instead of the prior 9 ...

My bar was approaching its expiration date when I ate it, which I think resulted in it being fairly hard.  I remember these being far softer?  I had boiling water on hand, and dipped it in that, and then microwaved on medium for a minute, and it totally transformed it - back into a nice soft moist bar, with melty little creamy sweet chips inside.  No, I don't think they recommend doing this to them, but it totally worked.  I really enjoyed the spicing, it reminded me of Christmas cookies, slightly gingerbread like, slightly, well, "holiday" spiced, if that makes sense.  The oat base made it a touch healthy and hearty tasting, but it was drizzled with very sweet icing, and the little chips inside made it even sweeter.

I knew not to expect a dessert-like cookie, so I pulled this out on a morning when I wanted a supplementary easy item with my breakfast, not a dessert.  While I still don't think this would ever satisfy my dessert cravings, I'll admit that it felt a bit too sweet and certainly more in the dessert direction than I had thought previously.  Think, breakfast appropriate if you also think a glazed cinnamon roll or donut is breakfast appropriate.

***+.

Apple Filled with Almond Butter.

"Oats, apples, and cinnamon, oh my! This organic, soft-baked bar with creamy almond butter filling is ready to take on the fly!"

This really was almost good.  It was just the particular flavors (apple, almond) that weren't great for me.

The soft, sweet, oatmeal cookie-like bar really did feel like, well, a cookie.  But it tasted faintly of apples, not exactly my thing.  The drizzle of icing certainly helped this feel like an indulgent treat.

The filling was a fairly smooth creamy almond butter.  A nice touch, except, I really wanted peanut butter.

So, very close to being something I'd like.  How about some kind of berry (strawberry, raspberry, etc) and peanut butter filled?

***.

Cinnamon Roll.

"Nothing warms your heart quite like a freshly baked cinnamon roll. Made with 12 grams of whole grains and swirls of cinnamon, this snack bar has everything you love about soft, doughy cinnamon rolls without the mess."

I kinda thought I had tried this flavor before, but, besides the vague memory that most of the ZBar varieties I tried always sounded like great desserts, but then, in fact, were not actually a "real dessert", I didn't remember this specifically.  And, it turns out, maybe I never did try it before?  I was surprised to find I didn't have a prior review.

I decided to try this for breakfast, alongside yogurt, fruit, and chocolate, you know, very balanced.  Cinnamon rolls, after all, are morning pastries right?

I took one bite, and decided breakfast was not appropriate.  Or maybe I just wasn't in the mood.  But I didn't dislike it, I just didn't actually want with breakfast.  The bar had a nice chew, a slightly hearty base flavor (yay whole grains?), and was plenty sweet from the drizzle on top.  It did, indeed, sorta taste like a cinnamon roll, in bar form.

I immediately set about getting some granola to throw on top of my yogurt + fruit instead though, and decided this would be best actually as a dessert, dunked into fall spiced homemade whipped cream, that of course I just happened to have.

***.

zbar Protein

"Made for little hands and busy bodies, CLIF Kid Zbar® Protein’s balanced blend of plant-based pea protein and crispy, delicious flavors make these bars a perfect back- to-school snack. Made with organic oats, these hunger-busting snacks also have no high fructose corn syrup or artificial flavors – and they’re non-GMO and gluten free."

The kid's protein bars, Zbar Protein, remind me of more standard protein bars, just made a touch more kid friendly - they use crispy bits, come in flavors that kids might be drawn to (chocolate chip, cinnamon crunch, cookies n creme, etc), and are slightly smaller.  But besides that, they are still protein bars, still have things like whey protein in them, and wouldn't really trick you into thinking they are a candy bar.

Cookies 'N Creme.

"Classic creamy cookie crunch."

I tried the cookies 'n creme flavor, which had a crispy chocolately rice base studded with a tiny tiny chips ("creme"?), and an undercoating of white creme.  The little chips weren't distinctly white chocolate, nor yogurt, but I liked them as little pops of sweet, the same with the coating on the bottom.  The bar had a nice chew, a slight touch of chocolatelyness.  It did sorta taste like cookies and cream.  It also had a touch of "protein bar funk", just that kinda odd-off taste that many have, although that was minor.  Perhaps the whey protein caused it?

Overall, better than many protein bars, and I liked the smaller size, but I'm not sure a kid would really like this, the slightly odd taste and bitter aftertaste doesn't seem particularly kid friendly.

***.

zfruit

The zfruit line has been discontinued, it was a foray into non-grain bar based items, instead, fruit sticks.

Clif Kids ZFruit Rope - Strawberry.

This reminded me of a fruit roll up in its flavor, but obviously wasn't thin.  I kinda liked the flavor, not quite real strawberry, but really not bad.

What I didn't like was the chew.  I wanted it chewier, like licorice, but it was softer.  I'm sure this appeals more to kids, the actual target audience for it, but I would have preferred something more substantial to bite into.

Overall though, tasty enough, and apparently, a full serving of fruit! ***.

Other Products

BLOKS Energy Chews

"CLIF® BLOKS® Energy Chews provide quick, chewable, energy to athletes while training and racing. BLOKS® come in 33 calorie cubes, with sleek and portable packaging, making it easy to customize and track caloric and electrolyte intake during long outings and races."

Shot Bloks are energy chews, like caffeinated gummy candy.  The ones I tried all had a good chew to them, decent flavor, and definitely gave me a kick of caffeine.  Whee!  I of course just ate them for fun, but they would make sense to eat during a workout for a little hit of power.  Dangerously tasty. ****.

Shot Electrolyte Drink

Another discontinued product, but in the same product family as the BLOKS, Clif also made a drink mix in several flavors.

Cranberry-Razz: Good flavor, sweet but not too sweet, and actually kinda refreshing. ***+.

Read More...

Soft Swerve, NYC

Update Review, August 2023

After several years, and a pandemic, of not visiting New York, I finally made it back this summer.  I had an agenda loaded with culinary adventures, and wasn't staying or working anywhere near a Soft Swerve location (they have multiple now!), but, I had such fond memories from past visits, that I managed to fit it in.  I visited their newest location, in Kipps Bay, and dragged a couple co-workers with me.

Soft Swerve still offers their standard (awesome) soft serve flavors, but they now also have a larger range of hard serve ice cream, and have changed up their toppings somewhat (alas, no more halo halo toppings).

Sadly one of the soft serve machines was out of order, so they had only four soft serve flavors available: vanilla, frozen hot chocolate, thai tea, and ube.  The ube I was delighted to see of course, but I was sad that the black sesame was not available.  I took the opportunity to try the two others.

Frozen Hot Chocolate (soft serve): 

"Made in house with real dark chocolate and our special blend of hot chocolate mix. This ice cream flavor is rich, smooth and creamy."

I tried this mostly out of curiosity, wondering what the distinction between regular chocolate and "frozen hot chocolate" would really be.  It turned out to be pretty uncanny.  It did, indeed taste like, well, frozen hot chocolate.  It had a much more cocoa-esque flavor to it than regular chocolate soft serve.  You could even sorta taste the marshmallows on top.  A very good chocolate soft serve, it turns out. The texture was perfect, remarkably creamy.  ***+.

Thai Tea (soft serve): 

"With hints of vanilla and subtle notes of sweet spices, our Thai Tea ice cream is made with tea leaves imported from Thailand."

The Thai tea was exactly what you'd expect.  Deep flavor, but fairly sweet, just like traditional Thai tea.  Light spicing.  And again, just, perfect consistency, so amazingly creamy and smooth.  Very good.  ****.

Black Sesame (hard serve): 

"Tastes similar to peanut butter but with rich roasted notes."

I tried a bite of my co-worker's black sesame hard serve.  It was very good - great nutty, slightly savory taste.  Fairly creamy, seemed like decent quality hard serve.  I still wished they had the black sesame soft serve at this location though. ***+.

Ube Cup. $7.50.

"A 5 oz serving of our most popular ice cream flavor, made with real purple yams. Definitely a must try flavor if you've never had it before. Pairs very well with toasted coconut and mochi."

I went for the ube soft serve, my past favorite.  It was again great - as with the other flavors, the consistency is what really sets it apart.  Amazingly creamy, rich, and smooth.  Stronger ube flavor than many other competitors.  Not too sweet.  Probably the best ube soft serve I've had anywhere.  ****+.

Not pictured is the toppings I added, as I had them on the side so I could create my own perfect creation.  The cotton candy crunch and mochi both went very well with it.

Cones.

Cake Cone. $0.25.

"Light, neutral-flavored, wafer-style cone with a crisp texture."

For me, soft serve is best consumed in a cone.  I got it in a dish so I could save part, and then create my perfect cone with toppings myself.  I added a cake cone on the side for $0.25 to do so (extra cone or dish is always $0.25).  I appreciated that they use the style of cake cone that is, well, a cone, rather than generic Joy cups with flat bottoms.  Eating out of an actual cone shape is more pleasurable for me, but I like cake cones more than sugar cones.  

Anyway, the cone was fresh, not stale, and exactly what I wanted.  ****.

Cotton Candy Crunch. $0.75.

"Featuring the pink, blue, and purple colors of standard cotton candy, this sweet crunchy candy topping will turn any ordinary ice cream serving into an extraordinary dessert treat."

I got this mostly for fun, as I wanted a crunchy topping, and because the regular rainbow sprinkles didn't look particularly interesting (just the standard generic kind).  Plus, bonus points for making a *very* Instagram worthy creation once I added to my cone.  I asked for them on the side in case I hated them though.

The verdict?  Yup, they were pretty, crunchy, and sweet.  Not necessarily strongly "cotton candy" flavored, but, sweet and enjoyable enough, and far more fun than standard sprinkles.  ***+.

Rainbow Mochi. $2.

The rainbow mochi was clearly quite fresh, very soft and pliable.  Great to just munch on, but also went well with the ube flavor in my soft serve.  I don't think they make these in-house, but, they picked a good quality product, and clearly store it well so it doesn't dry out.  Recommended, particularly with flavors like ube or thai tea.  ****.

Update Review, July 2019

My trip to New York *started* with Soft Swerve.  I have #priorities.

Literally, landed at 8:20pm, spent waaaaay too long in horrible traffic getting to hotel, checked in at 10pm.  10pm!  I was grumpy, I was confused about what to eat (too late for big dinner in this time zone, had been munching nontstop on the flight, etc), and soft serve ice cream was all I could think about.  Luckily for me, I knew Soft Swerve was a 14 minute walk from my hotel (or, 11 minutes, as I did it in a all-out power walk).  I literally checked in at the hotel, dropped my bags, and left, immediately.

11 minutes, plus a minute to wait for the one guest in front of me, and that was all it took for me to be instantly transported out of my funk.  Soft Swerve is just *so* good.

And pretty much exactly the same as my last visit.  Really friendly service.  Offers to try the flavors without me asking.

I did try the macapuno again, to give it another shot, and again didn't care for it.  The coconut flavor just isn't for me, although I think it likely is great with the ube, and you can swirl them.  I also tried the black sesame again, and did like it, the nutty nature was pleasant again, but ... this time, I went straight for the ube.  No need to mix it up here, I knew I had a winner.

My Creation: Halo Halo Toppings (base), Ube Soft Serve, Condensed Milk Drizzle, Rainbow Sprinkles, Mochi.

This was near identical to what I got last time.

Halo halo toppings in the bottom.  This time, ube soft serve only (the black sesame was good, but, I wanted #allTheUbe).  Same condensed milk drizzle and rainbow sprinkles on top, and this time, I added mochi was well.  They were nicely arranged around the edge.

The ube soft serve was as magical as ever.  Perfect consistency.  Soooo purple.  Lovely ube flavor.  Just, fantastic.  

The mochi was soft and a nice compliment, and the sprinkles were just for fun, but I loved them.  I wish I had left off the condensed milk this time though, as it made the whole thing just too sweet, particularly with the mostly sweet toppings in the base.  I think the black sesame was a more bitter flavor, and so that actually helped last time.

The halo halo toppings seemed to be a slightly different mix this time, but still included soft sweet red bean mash that I appreciated, you know, for the "protein", nata de coco and assorted jellies that were sweet and slimy and fabulous.  The palm seeds were definitely my favorite.  I'm not sure there was boba in here this time, I didn't find any, but then again, it was dark as I walked back to the hotel devouring it, so I may have just not seen them.

Overall, I was pleased with my creation, although it was kinda pricey.  $5 for the soft serve, $1 for mochi, $1 for halo halo, $0.50 for sprinkles, $0.50 for condensed milk ... $8!

I'd get this again, leaving off the condensed milk and adding something for crunch on top.  Or, if it was a nice warm day, I'd be more than happy with a colorful cone of ube soft serve, with rainbow sprinkles, and nothing more.

I wish I lived in NY.  Seriously.

Original Review, October 2018

OMG. <3. <3 <3 <3.

Yes, that is my summary of Soft Swerve, a Asian influenced soft serve ice cream shop in New York City.  The Yelpers agree, awarding 4.5 stars with nearly 1500 reviews.

It truly is some of the best I've ever had, and the toppings lineup is incredible.  In my "normal" life, I eat ice cream at least ... 5 times a week (often paired with a warm dessert), but when I visit the East Coast, I'm all about the soft serve.  It may be normal to folks who live there, but is a rare thing in San Francisco.

Luckily for me, New York is filled with soft serve, ranging from ice cream trucks everywhere, to fancier artisan places, to those that are all about the Instagram shots or "creative" flavors ... complete very long lines (hello, Big Gay Ice Cream, Dominique Ansel Kitchen, etc.  Of course I've tried those too (sorry, the burrata soft serve that Dominique Ansel I actually just didn't find very good ... it was icy and didn't taste like burrata at all, but the Cheetos soft serve with crumbled Cheetos on top at Big Gay Ice Cream was surprisingly delicious ... in small quantity).

Soft Swerve does create Instagram worthy ice creams (yes, colored cones, yes, a wall with the perfect backdrop for your snaps, etc), but they also don't complicate things too much.  And I've never encountered a line there.  And the ice cream is good.  Really, really good.

I don't know much else about them, not where they source the dairy, etc, etc, but I know this.  100% worth the trek.

Signage.

On the sidewalk is a chalkboard, I think with messaging that changes regularly.  I giggled when I read this one, but it did set off my "trying to hard" radar (unwarranted, luckily).

Menu.

Inside more chalkboards present you with your choices, and a step by step guide to ordering (not that it is complicated).

Step 1: Cup, classic cone (red colored, $1 extra), chocolate cone (black, $1 extra).  One size only ($4.50), besides pints.

Step 2: Flavor.  4 choices only: Ube (Purple Yam), Macapuno (Coconut), Matcha (Green Tea), or Black Sesame.  The first two and second two can be swirled, or you can layer 2 flavors.

Step 3: Toppings ($0.50-$1 each).  Many, many toppings, crunchies, drizzles, etc.  More on these soon.

You can also pick one of their pre-designed creations for $5.99.

Over my multiple visits, I tried all the flavors besides the matcha (since I was always visiting later in the day and didn't want caffeine).  All flavors were incredibly creamy.

Coconut is the one flavor I didn't select for my full size creations, although it was creamy, and good soft serve, the flavor wasn't as intense as the others, and I just preferred the ube and black sesame more.

Counter.

You order right up at the counter, where the toppings and cones are displayed in glass containers, just for looks.

More toppings display.

The toppings lineup is also on the other side of the area, in bigger jars, labelled.  It includes ...

Crunchies: Oreos, Toasted Coconut, Cereal Marshmallows, Cap'n Crunch, Reese's Puffs, Toasted Almonds, Freeze Dried Strawberry, Almond Cookie, Sprinkles, Chocolate Sprinkles, Fruity Pebbles, Skor Toffee, Crushed Nilla Wafers.

Chewies:
Mochie, Halo Halo Toppings

Drizzles:
Strawberry, Chocolate, Condensed Milk, Caramel, Dark Chocolate, Pineapple

Pick as many, or few, as you wish.

My Creation: Halo Halo Toppings (base), Black Sesame Soft Serve, Ube Soft Serve, Condensed Milk Drizzle, Rainbow Sprinkles.

For my creation, I went for the ube and black sesame.  Since they weren't on the same machine, I had to layer them.  I appreciated that I was asked which I'd like on top, and went for the ube ... yes, because I thought the purple would be prettier on top.

The black sesame is a wonderful flavor, nutty in a way that reminds me of peanut butter.  I think that a full cup of just that would be too much, but combined with any other flavor it works great.  So creamy and flavorful.

But the ube.  Swoon.  Again, perfectly creamy, and excellent flavor.  Seriously, one of the best ice cream flavors I have ever had in my life.  Anywhere.  I *adore* this ube soft serve.  It is perfection.

On top I drizzled condensed milk for a little sweetness, and it complemented the ube magically.  I added rainbow sprinkles, uh, for fun?  I love sprinkles, and I really appreciated the little bit of crunch and pops of color on top.

The base of the cup however is the most interesting part: Halo Halo.  I didn't realize when I selected it that it would be in the bottom, but, it made sense.  There was tons of this, and it was very fun to dig through and find all the bits.

Palm Seed.

The Halo Halo "topping" was a scoop each of sweetened red bean (actually really good, not mushy!), mochi (soft and pillow-y), nata de coco (slimy, slippery, and flavorful, great flavor alongside the ube), pandan jellies (more fun texture, but not much flavor), boba (good texture, not too firm, not too mushy), and palm fruit seeds.

I loved all these "toppings", on their own, combined, and with the ube soft serve.  It was like the merging of an asian dessert and soft serve of my dreams, and, yes, it was my dreams.

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