Lord of the Fries, Sydney

Um ... I accidentally wound up at a vegan fast food restaurant, and didn't realize it, until after I had ordered.

This one needs some explanation.

Lord of the Fries is a shop on George Street in Sydney, that I have walked by more times that I can count.  It never has many people, yet I'm always quasi-interested, as the signs with sweet potato fries, onion rings, and sauces look so good.  I remember I looked it up at one point, saw pretty bad reviews, and decided to stop glancing its way as I walked by.

Until one evening, when my plans were horribly foiled (a parade left me unable, physically, to get where I was going), my fallback place went out of business (!), and other fallback was cash-only which I learned when I got there without cash.  I was walking back to my hotel, completely dejected, and as I passed by, I decided right then and there that all I wanted was fried food.  So I walked in, ordered a pile of fried goodies (and sauces!), and then waited for it to be ready.

Around that time, I noticed that you could upgrade burgers to Beyond Meat patties.  I just thought, "huh, calling out a veggie option as an 'upgrade' is an interesting way to justify the upcharge.  Then I saw the chicken burgers were called ... "chick'n".  And the fish burger ... "phish".  Same with the hot dogs.  Doh.  Ok, so all the burgers and hot dogs were vegetarian.  I see.  And the Beyond Meat was just a higher end veggie burger, truly an upgrade.  Ok, got it.

But I didn't realize the entire place was also vegan.  Which ... um, may have changed my ordering decisions, given that I went all in on mayo and cheese sauces.  Or, at least, I *thought* I was.  Doh.

So yes, Lord of the Fries is a vegan fast food chain, with locations around Australia and New Zealand.

Sweet Potato Fries / Onion Rings / Sauces. $15.50.

It also ... was awful.

What I had was a big pile of lackluster, greasy, old food.  And ... vegan sauces.  Sigh.
Such a fail.  A pricey fail.

At least the name is cute?

Fries

"Our fries are made from locally sourced, fresh Aussie potatoes, cooked with their skins on in a sustainable non-gmo cottonseed sunflower oil blend and ready to be enjoyed with any of our internationally inspired dipping sauces. They aren’t just incredibly delicious, they’re also 100% vegan without chemicals, toxic preservatives or other nasties. "

Ok, so I wasn't there for the burgers or hot dogs.  I was there for the other stuff.  Like the fries.  I was eyeing all the options, really.  Classic or thin shoestring fries or thick chunky fries or ... sweet potato fries!  Ok, I wanted sweet potato fries.

Sides

"Perfect meals are the result of the perfect side, and we go above and beyond when it comes to providing a full-flavoured accompaniment to your vegetarian fast food meal. Our vegetarian munch boxes are a crowd favourite, plus we’ve got scrumptious vegetarian onion rings and did we mention vegan milkshakes?"

And then I saw ... onion rings!  I wanted onion rings!  They also had chicken wings or nuggets, and fish nuggets.

Onion Rings Munch Box, Sub Sweet Potato Fries. $8 + $1.50.

I opted for a "munch box", after asking the server if she liked the sweet potato fries or onion rings more, and her answer was that I should just get a munch box and sub sweet potato fries for the regular fries.  A non-answer, but it worked.

Well, I'll start with the positive.  The box was generously filled.  And the food was hot.  But that's about all I have to say positive.

I'll start with the sweet potato fries, because, when I opened my box, that is all I saw.

Sweet Potato Fries: "This healthier (and extra tasty) alternative will sweeten up your day – paired perfectly with our Belgium sauce."

The fries were a mix of sizes, mostly because many were broken.  That didn't really bother me exactly, but they also just weren't very good at all.  Soggy from oil yet crispy in a dried out way, no real flavor.  They seemed old.  They were not very good at all.  Very greasy.

The "Onion Rings".

"Sliced onion, lightly crumbed and deep-fried for all your crispy goodness needs, perfectly partnered with our fresh, locally sourced golden fries. 100% Vegan."

But what about those onion rings?  My box was a combo box, 50-50 right?  HA.

I finally found some onion ... things, buried in the bottom.  I think I had 4 total.

Which didn't matter, as they were worse than the sweet potato fries.  The coating entirely fell off, they were soggy, and quite oily.

Sauces

"One of the big decisions you need to make when at Lord of the Fries is whether to get an Australian favourite (Aussie Tomato Sauce and Vinegar) or something more exotic like our Indian Mango Chutney and Sour Cream to go with your fries and sides. We have a delectable range of internationally-inspired, amazingly tasty sauces all designed to suit any taste-buds. They are all 100% vegan and 100% delicious. After you pick your sauce all you need to do is to decide whether you want to smother the fries and sides in it or have it on the side for dipping."

Yes, I'll admit that the sauce lineup is part of what drew me in.  Broken into two categories "Classic" for $1.50 or "Deluxe" for $3, and available on the side, or with your item smothered in it.  The options range from simple "American" BBQ sauce to assorted aiolis, to Mexican salsa and sour cream.  Or, well, their vegan equivalents.

I couldn't make up my mind, and kinda wanted to try a bunch, so, I did just that, ordering two Classics and one Deluxe, all on the side. 

Sauces: Parisian (Classic), Vietnamese (Classic), French Canadian (Deluxe). $6 total!

Diving into each of the sauces:

Vietnamese (bottom left): "Vietnamese food is known for its’ french influence, we took it the other way and added some vietnamese chilli to some french mayo and in so doing have created this beautifully creamy vegan spicy mayo which is a delight over our fries or sides."

I thought this was going to be, um, spicy, as it said "chilli" and "spicy mayo", but, alas, this was sweet chilli mixed in to the vegan mayo.  Which is fine, just not what I was expecting.  This one was ok, and the best with the sweet potato fries.  But clearly vegan, and missing whatever it is that makes mayo actually creamy and delicious.

Um, I also saw later that a side, yes, the side portion here, of this is 373 calories.  Um, what?!

Parisian (top right): "Inspired by our friends in France, this vegan aioli garlic mayo tastes as fancy as it sounds."

I also got the garlic aioli, and it was also ... fine.  Still missing the oomph of good mayo.  But decent garlic flavor.   The only item I finished.  This was a nice reasonable (!) 280 calories.

French Canadian: "The Lords pay homage to the Montreal classic fry topping of shredded cheese and hot gravy with this vegan version of the Canadian staple." 

This was awful!!!  The gravy was entirely flavorless and gloopy.  At least it was quasi-warm?  The vegan shredded cheese at least didn't taste vegan, and at the time, I didn't realize it was, I thought it was just "Tasty Cheese".  That said, cold shredded cheese was not at all what I wanted.  This is *not* poutine!!!

Overall, none of the sauces were particularly good, and I felt silly for spending so much on them.