United Airlines, EWR - SFO, Business Class

Flight Details 

Flight: United Airlines Flight 2046
Aircraft: Boeing 777-200
Departure: 3:30pm (scheduled) 7:48pm (actual)
Arrival: San Francisco SFO 6:34pm (scheduled) ~11pm (actual)
Seat: 11A

This is not a flight that went smoothly.  It is a flight that got caught up in a ground stop due to dramatic storms, with new departure delays issued every 30 minutes, for several hours.  It is a flight that let people voluntarily deplane to go wander around, and then called folks back after not too long.  It is a flight that optimistically pushed back, only to have the ground stop extended for hours.  Yes, I boarded this flight around 2:40pm, pushed back from the gate more than 2.5 hours later at 5:20pm, and didn't take off for another 2.5 hours.  My transcon flight duration rivaled that of a flight to SYD instead.  

United however is not to blame in any way.  This truly was weather related, and every airport in the northeast had full ground stops in effect, for both inbound and outbound aircraft.  The airline kept us reasonably updated, and did their best to get us out before the crew timed out, so, although a bit of a nightmare, and a lot of stress, I don't have negative things to say about United through it all.

Service 

Our crew handled all of the drama remarkably well.  Our pilot updated us as often as possible, and was as transparent as he could be.  He even used phrases like "to prepare your mindset, here is what we are looking at", as he explained how things needed to progress for us to make actual forward motion.  

I learned all about how ground crews weren't allowed outside when there was active lightening in the area, and every time there was a new strike, a 10 minute counter had to reset.  I learned that even once the weather cleared around us, the storm had built up a lot of badness that hung over us to the west, and so even though it was safe for the ground crew to be out and about, and ATC was not opening up any "departure lanes".  I learned a ton about the pecking order that comes once a window does open for takeoff, and why pushing back from the gate mattered so much (besides the cynical part of "gaming" the stats, the crew getting paid, etc).  I learned about how long it takes to spin up the engines, and why sitting parked with them off was a reasonable thing to be doing.  I learned my patience for rowdy toddlers throwing hard dinosaur toys around and hitting me in the head with them repeatedly wears thin after a few hours (er, minutes really), and really laud the crew for their patience as they attempted to deliver meal while tripping over said toddler and his plethora of toys all over the aisles. 

The crew was definitely following some standard protocols as we hit certain time milestones: 2 hours sitting there? Offer to let people off.  3 hours?  Bring them drinks and Biscoff cookies.  4 hours?  Issue $20 meal vouchers (not that we could use them ... as we were on board, detached from the gate, and wouldn't get to SFO until after everything closed, and they expired that night).  It was all appreciated though, and the crew stayed upbeat throughout, even welcoming people back on in a joyous way when they came back after deplaning, "Glad you came back to join us!" "Nice to see you again!", etc.

Seat.

Before all that though, the flight started with standard service.  Waiting at our seats was the nice Polaris Saks Fifth Avenue blankets and pillows.  Not entirely necessary for a mid-day (or, supposed to be mid-day) transcon, but really quite nice, particularly once it did get so very delayed.

Amenity Kit.

The amenity kit really didn't offer much of interest: a thin eye mask, low end ear plugs, a bamboo toothbrush, and a few toiletries.  But again, not really needed for this flight.

Food & Drink

Even though this is considered a "premium" transcontinental route, from a hub to a hub, United does not offer pre-order for the meal service, and, even more ridiculous, is that there are only two options: chicken or pasta.  This has been the case, in both directions, for years.  You either get chicken/polenta/broccoli or chicken curry, or cheese ravioli in red sauce or butternut squash ravioli, depending on which direction you are flying.  Literally, the same options, for at least the past two years.  No changes.

There are no menus provided, but the FA walked through the cabin, taking orders starting with elites, then front to back, offering up chicken or ravioli, with no description of them (e.g. is there a sauce with the chicken? A side?).  There was no mention of it, but I knew all meals are served with a salad and bread roll, all at once.   The dessert cart has resumed, so there is a dessert option (usually a tart or cheesecake), or custom ice cream sundae, or cheese.

Drinks

Water bottles were waiting at our seats.

Pre-departure choice of water or sparkling wine was offered.  I asked for a sparkling water, but was told that could not be honored.  Once we were very delayed, another round of water and this time, orange juice, came around.  I again asked for sparkling water, and that time, it was honored.  

Red Wine, Sparkling Aha, Nuts.

Drink orders were taken prior to pushback along with our meals.  There was no drink menu provided, but I knew they had flavored sparkling Aha as a standard offering, which I always enjoy.  I asked about wines, and was told "white, red, or sparkling", with no details on the varietal, let alone the wine maker or country.  This seems pretty standard on United.  I opted for a sparkling Aha (they have two flavors available, I rotated between both throughout), and "the red wine".  

Once under way, our drinks were delivered relatively quickly, along with a warm ramekin of cashews and almonds, lightly salted.  The wine really wasn't bad, not too boring, not too much acid nor tannin.  I'd gladly get it again, and I do adore the Aha.  ***+ wine, **** Aha, ***+ nuts.

Main Meal

Meal.

Meals were delivered one by one on a tray with napkin, cutlery, salad, bread and butter, main dish we had ordered on the ground, and salt and pepper shakers.  

The service element was a bit lacking.  I appreciated that they didn't make us pull out our tray tables way in advance so they could set down a placemat like some airlines, but, they also just suddenly appeared with trays in hand and you could see every person scramble to pull out their tray table.  (Also, no placemat is a bit gross on a plane, as I don't think they sanitize the tables between flights?)

Salad.

The salad was very basic: a small handful of mixed greens, two mealy tomatoes, and three slices of cucumbers.  At least it didn't feature any odd combos of ingredients, and was greens instead of grains base, but, definitely left something to be desired.  The cucumbers were reasonably fresh.  The same packaged sesame ginger dressing that came with the old Asian slaw salad was provided, which I didn't use.  **+.

Light Wheat Roll.

United serves a number of different breads on their flights (never a choice, no bread basket).  The garlic bread has many loyal fans, as does the pretzel bun, but for me, I don't care for either of those (nor the crusty white roll), yet I strangely do enjoy the hearty wheat roll.  

This wasn't the hearty, seeded wheat roll that I really like, but it was a mild white-wheat, which I hadn't had before.  It wasn't warm, but I think that is just our service being a bit slow, as my main meal wasn't particularly warm either, and my nuts were cold even though the ramekin was still a bit warm.  It was soft, didn't taste stale, didn't taste too processed, was lightly hearty.  I wouldn't go out of my way for this roll, but, I don't know of any other airline bread/roll that I like more (besides the aforementioned more hearty wheat one).  ***.

"The Chicken".

For my main dish, I went for the chicken.  Yes, amusing as I don't eat chicken, but I've had the ravioli before, and didn't care for it, so I went for the chicken, even though I don't like chicken at all.  I got this for the polenta basically, and, hopefully, for the sauce.  I had my own meal with me, as I knew my choices were going to be those two items.  

The food was lightly lukewarm, definitely not hot.  The broccolini turned out to be broccoli, which I like more in general, but this was the type of broccoli that makes kids turn up their nose and not want to eat their vegetables.  Kinda mushy, waterlogged, flavorless. *+.

I didn't try the chicken, it had extremely fake looking grill marks on it.  Portion seemed reasonable.

I did try the sauce, which I was looking forward to, both for my polenta and for dunking the bread.  The FA described it as a "mushroom sauce" when I asked about it, but it didn't contain any mushrooms, nor taste like mushrooms to me.  It did taste a bit like a marsala sauce, but, one that didn't have mushrooms, and didn't the alcohol properly cooked out.  It was quite harsh, and also sorta tasted like beef, which was odd to pair with chicken.  It seemed like it would go better with Sunday roast, mash, and carrots than this.  It also lacked any seasoning.  I added salt, but, I still didn't care for the base taste.  Shame.  *.

And finally, the polenta, the part I was most interested in.  It was a round cake, I think likely the same as they use for the vegetarian chili and polenta meal, which I've had on several other flights (IAH-SFO, where I thought it was decent, and SFO-SYD where I didn't care for it at all).  It was fine.  Soft, fairly creamy inside, lightly cheesy.  But also essentially zero seasoning, and, not very warm.  I had my own sauces with me, and frustratingly shook that tiny shaker over and over to get some salt and pepper out, and enjoyed it well enough.  ***.

Dessert

The dessert is definitely the part of this flight (besides the private seat) that I was most looking forward to, since the return of the sundae cart.  I know the ice cream isn't amazing quality or anything, but, I do genuinely usually enjoy some of the toppings (and of course, came prepared with my own additional toppings too).

Dessert service is done via the trolley, which comes through after the main meal is done and cleared for everyone.  They use one trolley for both cabins, so it starts in the front business cabin, and then slowly makes its way to the back cabin where I was.  The delay between my entree and dessert was a full hour, which seemed a bit long.

Finally, it came my way.  The lineup included United's signature made to order ice cream sundaes, standard simple cheese plate, and an additional dessert of the day, which for us was an apple tart.  The ice cream is always just generic vanilla, but the toppings are where the glory is.  On today's flight, the toppings available were hot fudge or warm caramel, sliced almonds, tiny chocolate chips, whipped cream, and cherries.  Nearly everyone, young and old alike, was opting for the sundae.  The FA told me that sometimes she gets to see the true joy and glee in the eyes of very formal looking business people, or old men, as they craft their sundae, and it brings her actual joy too.  It turns out, ice cream in the sky really does delight many people.

I was kinda curious about the other dessert too, so I did ask if I could have both, and the FA looked up, saw how many were left and how few seats were remaining to serve (benefit of being in the back cabin I guess), and said sure.  She had at least a dozen left, and only two rows behind me.  

Apple Tart.

Starting with the apple tart, which, honestly, I got mostly out of boredom / very confused state of hunger due to the delays and very odd eating schedule.  That said, I know that for the "pie in the sky", or "pie cookies" as I dubbed them long ago, that United serves on non-premium domestic routes, or the cheesecake, if you are lucky enough to get that, is always Eli's, which really does make both tasty cheesecake, and tasty other desserts (many of which I've reviewed before), so I had reasonable hope that this would be good too, if it came from Eli's.  It did look quite a bit like Eli's Apple Bavarian Torte, which I've had before, just with extra caramel drizzled over the top?

Anyway, it was reasonable enough.  The crust was like a soft, buttery shortbread cookie.  Not too crumbly, not too dry, not card-board like.  Better than most commercial products of its kind.  The layer above that was sorta like cheesecake, just a touch more mild.  And then, the apples of course, lightly spiced, no aggressive nutmeg or anything.  I liked that they were a bit al dente.  It had a fairly generous drizzle of caramel all over the top, which I think was the same caramel from the sundaes, which I do truly enjoy. 

Overall, not bad, better than average airline dessert, and if you really don't want ice cream, a quite reasonable option.  Bonus points if you ask for whipped cream from the sundae cart, or, do as I did, and pair with ice cream too!  ***+.

Ice Cream Sundae: caramel, slivered almonds, whipped cream.

For the sundae, I went with caramel (the hot fudge is great too, but, I was avoiding caffeine at night), slivered almonds for some crunch (and a touch of protein), and of course, whipped cream.  I learned long ago that I don't care for their cherries, and the mini chocolate chips I'd happily get, but, again, caffeine.  I had my own fresh strawberries, blueberries, and sprinkles to add to it.  The FA added a considerable amount of caramel, three big spoonfuls, then she paused to hand something to the other FA who interrupted her, and she added two more.  I almost think she forgot how many she had already added?  It was a bit excessive, but, I do like the caramel.

I took my first bite eagerly and was, frankly confused.  Sure, I'm used to airline ice cream being served at totally wrong consistencies, often rock solid and requiring an excruciating wait before you can eat it, or fairy soupy, but this was ... well, calling it "melted" is an understatement.  Melted ice cream is generally still at least ... cold?  This was not even lightly chilled.  It was warm.  Warmer perhaps than even my main meal.  

Once I got over the surprise of not having actual ice cream, I was somewhat fascinated by it.  It was remarkably fluffy and frothy.  Sorta like a sabayon or zabaione, just, clearly it had some dairy in there.  The caramel mixed in to make the flavor sweet and actually quite enjoyable.  It truly wasn't *bad*, but it certainly wasn't ice cream, not even soupy, too melted ice cream.  It was warm frothy light sweet custard.  The slivered almonds added a nice crunch.  The whipped cream wasn't necessary up against the frothy base, and it was actually colder and more solid than the "ice cream".  It floated nicely on top.  I added my own fresh strawberries and blueberries, and truly enjoyed this creation, but, definitely not what they intended to serve, and I'm a bit shocked that they served it without any seeming concern.  Surely, the FA must have noticed as she spooned on the toppings?

As "ice cream", this needs to get 0 stars, but, given my enjoyment of the overall thing (which my own berries definitely were essential to), I give it ****.

Pre-arrival Snack

I was a bit surprised when at the 1 hour mark before landing, a FA came through offering either hummus or cheese plates.  I couldn't see them, as cabin lights were off, so didn't quite know what I was opting for, but blurted out "hummus", which is totally odd on my part, as I don't actually like hummus.  I think I hoped for yummy crackers or veggie dippers for it?  Really, I was not expecting a "snack" like that, as most of the competition on this route simply offers a pass of a snack basket (which, to be fair, I'd actually prefer, I'd love a bag of salty popcorn, something chocolate, etc).

Hummus Platter.

The hummus platter perplexed me slightly.  Yes, it had hummus, as expected, but it had nothing to dip in it.  Not crackers, not pita, not veggies.  Instead, it came with tabbouli, a wedge of lemon, and three grapes.  Sure, hummus and tabbouli go together well, and a little acid from lemon elevates most things, but ... it was an odd snack with nothing to spread the hummus on, nor dip into it.  

The tabbouli had an abundance of very harsh raw red onion.  It blew my palette out nearly immediately.  The lemon was nice to have, would have been nice with the main meal too.  Grapes were fine, not too mushy.  And the hummus?  Yeah, it was generic hummus.  Overall, very meh, and hard to eat in a cohesive way.  ***.

I later saw the "cheese plate", which actually turned out to be a cheese and charcuterie plate (surprise, vegetarians!), with what looked to be a wedge of very bright orange cheddar, a hunk of swiss, two slices of salami, and a slice of turkey, served with a packet of water crackers.  If I were to fly this route again, I'd opt for that for sure, as I do kinda like those crackers, cheese is usually fairly reliably ok, and, well, I do like salami from time to time.