California Pizza Kitchen

Update Review, July 2024

As you know, I can never resist a good freebie, so when T-Mobile had a partnership with CPK offering up $7 off your order (no minimum order, works for takeout), I of course had to take full advantage.

Bread. 2 Orders.
(Complimentary).

When I previously ordered from CPK, the bread also included oil, today it did not.  Each order was two hunks, in a plastic bag that was just hand tied shut.

Last time I had the bread I noted strong sourdough taste, but this time I didn't taste the sourdough as much.  Is it possible I'm starting to tolerate sourdough?  The bread had a good chew to it, and tasted fresh.  Soft baguette style.  I kinda liked it.  ***.

Curly Mac 'N Cheese (CPKids). $6.99.

I went for a kid's meal, to stay within my free $7, but also because kid's meal portions generally I find sufficient.  I had the options of several different personal sized pizzas, pasta with all different sauces (meat, tomato, alfredo, butter), grilled or crispy chicken, or this, the mac and cheese.  I do love mac and cheese, and the CPK mac and cheese recently got a lot of attention due to a mishap made "famous" on TikTok where someone got the sauce and no actual pasta in their order, and CPK decided to use it as a marketing opportunity (which, I applaud them for).  CPK Mac and cheese was going viral, and it was on my mind.  So after seeing CPK mac and cheese raved about on social media the past few weeks, my choice was easy.

The dish didn't look all that great.  It looked ba-sic.  No breadcrumbs on top, no crispy top, not even very creamy.  But it actually really was quite good, particularly once I stirred it up.  The pasta had just the right amount of bite to it, and the shape was both fun and functional, as the sauce really did cling to it well.  The sauce was unnaturally orange, and was instantly recognizable and nostalgic for me: Velveeta!  It was cheesy, it was creamy, it was rich.  I enjoyed it, although I'm not sure how much better than a Velveeta mac and cheese box from the grocery store it really was.

This relatively small child's portion was 820 calories, and a good value at $6.99.  Like all kid's meals, it included a choice of drink.

Interestingly, the adult version is more than double the price ($15.99), but only 40% more calories (1280 calories).  So you could just get 2x kid's version = $6.99 x 2 = $13.98 and get more mac and cheese (820 x 2 = 1640 calories worth) AND get two drinks.  Cheaper, more mac, and bonus drinks.  Just sayin'.  The adult one does allow far more customizations: add chicken, bacon, salmon (several styles), sausage, shrimp, broccolini, mushrooms, tomatoes, burrata, monterey jack (interestingly, not the edamame offered to kids), or swap out the pasta for 5 different choices.  

I wouldn't go out of my way for this, but if I was craving this style of mac and cheese, it certainly did the job.  ***+.

Chocolate Milk (CPKids).
(Included).

All kid's meals come with a choice of drink.  The options are actually fairly extensive, with classic fountain drinks, but even things like a shirley temple or roy rogers, without an upcharge.  I was thrilled to see chocolate milk as an option, and went for that.

It was pretty basic chocolate milk.  I think it was made with thin style chocolate syrup mixed with regular milk, as the chocolate settled out pretty quickly.  It wasn't particularly chocoaltely.  I wanted stronger chocolate flavor, richer flavor, something.  Basically, think Hershey syrup in milk.  I'm sure kids love it, but I wanted something a bit more.  Low ***.

Update Review, August 2021

Another year, another birthday freebie dessert to redeem at CPK.  After the success of last's years Red Velvet Cake a la mode, I was pretty tempted to get it again.  And of course, I toyed with the idea of getting the pudding again, because even though my second year of getting it was mediocre, I sure did love it the first year.   But I decided to go rogue and try another new item ...

Bread & Dipping Oil (Complimentary).

Well, this was amusing.  In the days of "zomg, they charge for bread?!" outrage, CPK included it, sans my asking, in my takeout order ... which was dessert only.  Lol.  I assume they just include it standard and didn't pay any attention to the contents of my order?

The bread was two hunks, that looked hand torn.  The bread was soft, nice chew, but, ugh, sourdough.

The oil was good though, seemed high quality, good flavor to the oil, some herbs.

Sad this was sourdough, otherwise, decent quality.

Key Lime Pie. $7.49.

"On a graham cracker crust with housemade whipped cream."

I didn't ask for the whipped cream on the side, but it came separate.  The crust was broken off (and missing) on one corner.

The pie was ... well, key lime pie.  With graham cracker crust.  If you read my blog frequently, you know that I don't really like lemon nor lime desserts, and I generally call graham cracker crust "throwaway" and liken it to sawdust.

The pie was smooth and creamy, a nicely set custard, that, well tasted like tangy (sweet) lime.  The crust was fairly thick, crumbly, buttery, sweet, but ... yeah, graham cracker crust.  It was a perfectly fine key lime pie.  Probably even a good one.  I liked the slice of lime on top for garnish.  But ... it was still a key lime pie, and just isn't something I'll ever get excited about.  It was also just far too sweet on its own, and needed copious amounts of whipped cream (and, fresh blackberries that I added) to cut the sweet.

The "homemade" whipped cream I'm still skeptical of, it deflated quickly, but, it did have a decent "cream" taste to it, so perhaps it is made with real cream.

I wouldn't get this again, but, I really think this is personal preference, and this was a good key lime pie.  ***.

Update Review, January 2021

Another year, another birthday freebie to redeem at CPK.  After really hating the famous butter cake last year, I almost just went back to the tried and true salted caramel pudding, but, at last minute, I decided to mix it up again, and try something different: the red velvet cake.  I'm not normally a cake person, but, for some reason, I was really in the mood for cake ...

Red Velvet Cake. $7.99. A la Mode. $2.25.

"Frosted with hand-whipped vanilla bean cream cheese and white chocolate curls. Also available with vanilla Häagen Dazs."

Red velvet cake.  So random, I know, as I generally am not all that excited about cake, and red velvet I'm particularly opinionated on.  But ... I dunno, I was craving cake?

My order came with whipped cream (standard garnish?), and I also made it a la mode (because, cake needs ice cream!), each of which came packaged separately for takeout.

The cake was actually decent, a large slice, 3 layers, moist enough cake.  It even had a slight tang to it, like a red velvet should.  Not remarkable, but really not bad.

The frosting was quite heavy, as is often the case with cream cheese frosting, but it almost seemed like a cheesecake more than a frosting.  Very, very rich, very very heavy.  I'm a frosting girl, through and through, but I found I enjoyed this more as just the cake, with either whipped cream or ice cream.

I did like the white chocolate shavings on the backside.

The birthday reward does not normally include ice cream (you can pay extra), but, the lovely staff at my location threw it in for free - thank you!!!  It is just vanilla Häagen Dazs, but, I really do love vanilla Häagen Dazs, I think it is remarkably good, reliable vanilla.

I ended up treating this as two individual desserts - a red velvet cake (without much frosting) with ice cream and a "cheesecake" with whipped cream, basically, the frosting and whip.  I did have some all composed of course, but I enjoyed it the most in my deconstructed form.

As you may expect, this is not a light dessert, clocking in at 960 Calories for just the cake, plus 280 if you get the ice cream, and the whipped cream ... 

I appreciated my dessert, but I am not sure I'd get this one again.

***+.

Update Review, September 2019

I've long known about the "famous" butter cake from CPK.  If you do *any* research at all into what dessert to get at CPK, you will read the accolades.  People go nuts for this cake.  They have created dozens of copycat recipes.  They adore it.

I finally tried it.

I did not adore it.  I did not even like it.  I didn't even ... tolerate it?  This was so far from a winner for me.

But let me start from the beginning.

Every year, I go to CPK around my birthday (read on below for past reviews), to redeem my birthday freebie.  I've always gotten the salted caramel pudding, as, well, I love pudding, I got it once and enjoyed it, and the other menu options really don't sound appealing (key lime pie - I don't like citrus desserts, red velvet cake - kinda eh for me, and something we have often at my office,  chocolate molten cake - always a crowd pleaser, but rarely the thing I really want).

But this year, CPK introduced a strawberry shortcake to the menu, that looked classic, and, gets good reviews.  Shortcake biscuits with beautiful pearl sugar tops, fresh berries, stewed berries, whipped cream ... it sounded, and looked, great to me.  I was very eager to get it, and placed my order for it.

I waited in anticipation.  And then I waited some more.  And some more.  I sent a grumpy txt to a friend about how long I was waiting.  Around the 30 minute mark (!) I was called over and told the news: they no longer have that item.  Seasonal special.  In its place, I could have the new seasonal item: a ice cream sundae with sliced apples and caramel sauce.

Um, thanks.

I was ... let's just say a bit annoyed.  I had waited a long time AND it took them that long to realize they don't have what I ordered?  Sigh.  I turned down the suggested apple sundae (I don't like apples, and it wasn't ice cream weather), and considered my options.  Since I was making a fast decision, I decided to finally try the butter cake, given just how much everyone else seems to like it.

Butter Cake. $7.99.

"Trust us... Just try it. Served warm with housemade whipped cream."

So, here it is.  The butter cake.  The very famous butter cake.

I'll give them one credit: it was served warm.

But ... um ... this cake.  Was one of the most boring desserts I've ever had in my life.

It was ... just a cake.  It was a dense cake.  Not really moist, not really dry.  It just was.  A sweet cake, but it had no real flavor of any kind to it.  The top tiny bit was different from the rest, and it seemed like it *should* taste different, as visually it was a bit different, but ... it all tasted the same.  Plain.  Boring.

I kept thinking I was missing something.  Was there a caramel sauce or something that was forgotten?  Was there something hiding in the center that would come oozing out?  Nope, and nope.

It is just a plain cake.  A plain cake with a high butter content.  So high, that this cake, this actually kinda small, definitely single serving, little cake has ... wait for it ... 1100 calories.  Yeah, what?  How is that even possible (and 73g fat, 64g sugar, but hey, 10g protein)!

I just don't understand.  The whipped cream on the side was standard whipped cream, and really didn't seem housemade, but if they say so.  It deflated immediately.  It didn't really add anything to this cake.

Perhaps this would be better a la mode, which is an option, for $2.25 (and 280 calories) more.  I desperately wanted some kind of crunch element, perhaps some candied buttered pecans?

I wanted anything ... except this.

Update Review, October 2018

I don't often go to California Pizza Kitchen, since I'm not really that into pizza, but last year, when I had a birthday freebie to redeem, I discovered a dessert there that I loved: salted caramel pudding.  It was fabulous, as you read about them.

On this visit, I was inspired to get that pudding again, but almost went off course and opted for another dessert, as my research tells me the butter cake really is a thing of wonder.  Next time ... 

I ordered through the app for the first time, which was quite easy, placing my pickup order when I was a few blocks away.  It was being finished right as I arrived.  Perfect!

Interior.

My visit was to the San Francisco location.

The restaurant is quite large, with bar seating, a huge inside seating area, and large patio.  And at 12:30pm on a Sunday, the restaurant was nearly vacant.  Two guys sat at the bar, and two tables were occupied.  I am not sure if this is normal, but if so, how can they afford the rent in SF?!

I was getting takeout though, as was one person ahead of me with a large catering order.  The open kitchen allowed me to see the action, and they did seem to be making plenty of pizzas, all just getting boxed up.  Maybe everyone just does takeout from here these days?

Salted Caramel Pudding. $6.29.

"Rich caramel pudding, black cocoa cookie crumbs, housemade whipped cream, caramel sauce and natural flaked Maldon sea salt." 

My treat was handed over in the same kind of takeout cup as last time.  However, um, it looked quite a bit different.

Left: 2017. Right: 2018.

The ratios were all off.  Last year, the primary component was the pudding, this year, far less pudding, with an equal amount of whipped cream.  The cup wasn't full.  And where was the caramel sauce on top?

I asked the person handing it over, "isn't it supposed to have caramel sauce on top?"  He confirmed it was, and took it back.  I worried it also didn't have the Maldon sea salt on top, but that was harder to see visually.  I hoped they would fix both.

Salted Caramel Pudding: Fixed?

It came back ... with caramel, yes.  A big glob right in the center.  Clearly, whoever added it was annoyed that I sent it back.  But come on, its supposed to have caramel!

It certainly did not have the salt either, which was sad, as this is a very very sweet dessert without it.

Like last time, I found it extremely frustrating to eat.  The first spoonful, all whipped cream (and caramel glob).  I could work to dig for the pudding, but getting the crumble too, at least while eating the first *half* of the cup, was nearly impossible.  And this is a dessert that really does need all components to work.

But that was all true last time, and I still loved it.  This time however ... my experience was just not as positive.

The whipped cream deflated almost instantly.  It seemed like very light whipped cream from a can, not "housemade" and not able to hold up for even 5 minutes as I ate it.  It was necessary though, to balance the caramel pudding.

The caramel pudding was sweet.  Too sweet.  I noted that last time too, but when it combined with the cookie crumbs and whip it worked last time, although, yes, still quite sweet.  This time I just found it cloying, and one note, certainly not salted, and with just some deflated whipped cream and extra glob of sweet caramel it wasn't enjoyable.

I dug desperately for the cookie crumbs, knowing they were essential and would make a difference.  And they did.  But ... cookie crumbs tasted stale this time, all clumped together, and even almost freezer burned tasting.  Not very good.  But again, necessary, both for the texture, but also the contrast to the too sweet pudding.

Overall, this just made me very sad.  It wasn't good, and it wasn't anything like my memory of only a year ago.  Once I mixed everything together, it was certainly better, like a very sweet version of a "dirt cake" I had growing up, but really nothing like last year.

I'm not sure if I'd try it again, or venture out to try the crazy butter cake, or red velvet cake, or just give up on desserts at CPK entirely ...

August 2017 Review

My last visit to California  Pizza Kitchen was in 2013, when they had a promo for a free appetizer.  I didn't like it.  I said I had no reason to return.

But this year, while arranging my birthday freebie crawl, I saw that I could get a dessert for free.  Well, I'm a dessert girl, no matter the quality, so I quickly added it to my itinerary.

I visited the San Francisco location, and opted to get it to go, since I was coming straight from another birthday freebie, and planned to bring it home to have later.  Ordering was simple, they have a dedicated take out ordering/pickup/waiting area to the side of the bar (with its own entrance actually).

The staff were very friendly, multiple people said happy birthday, no one seemed at all offended that I was coming just to get my free dessert, not ordering anything else, and taking it to go.  They talked me to about how good the pudding was.  It was ready within just a few minutes, and handed over with a spoon and napkin.

The entire experience was incredibly pleasant, and the item I selected?  Delicious.  I'll be back. 

Dessert Menu.

The dessert menu had an assortment of tempting options.  Crowd pleasers for sure, but, turns out, that works for me.

First, "Butter cake".  What is butter cake?  I'm not entirely sure, but, it sounded possibly awesome.  Yes, the menu actually just says "Trust us ... just try it!" as the description.  If I was dining in, I probably would have gone with that option, but since it was served warm (with whipped cream or ice cream), it didn't seem like a good choice to take out.  Also, gulp, 1380 calories!

The seasonal special, not listed on this menu, was strawberry shortcake, also tempting.  I love a good strawberry shortcake, but, to be honest, I kinda doubted how fresh the berries really would be.  Even the red velvet cake sorta called out, though I'm not a cake girl.  At least I was able to easily look past the key lime pie (I'm not one for citrus desserts) and the warm chocolate souffle cake (clearly needs to be eaten there).

Which lead me to the salted caramel pudding.  As if it was really a contest, given both my absolute love of pudding, and the fact that I was not able to find a single bad review of it.  People love it.

Salted Caramel Pudding. $6.29.

"Rich caramel pudding, black cocoa cookie crumbs, housemade whipped cream, caramel sauce and natural flaked Maldon sea salt."

When you dine in, it comes in a cute little canning jar.  For takeout, they used a plastic beverage cup.  I didn't mind, as my portion easily looked twice as large as the little canning jar photos I had seen.

It was a layered creation, with the cookie crumbs at the base, the pudding in the middle, and topped with whipped cream and drizzled with caramel sauce.

I didn't wait more than two steps out the door to at least try a bite, even though I was intending to save it for later.

My first bite was indicative of the difficulty eating it I would have.  The bite was entirely whipped cream (and caramel sauce).  It tasted like generic canned whipped cream, which is fine, but they do say it is housemade.  The caramel tasted like the standard stuff you get on an ice cream sundae, or at Starbucks.  That caramel on top didn't seem salted, and I didn't see any flakes of Maldon on top.

I dug deeper, trying to get to the pudding.  I succeeded, and came out with a bite of pudding and whip.  And ... I was impressed.  That was very, very good pudding.  It was a thinner consistency than I'd expect, almost runny, but the flavor was so good I didn't mind.  Sweet, rich, deep flavor.  I worked hard to get a spoonful of just the pudding.  The result?  Well, it was too sweet, actually.  The pudding alone was cloyingly sweet.  Even though I wasn't excited about the generic whipped cream, it did help cut the sweetness.

But the real magic came when you managed to get a bite of all the layers, including the cookie crumble, hiding at the very, very bottom.  It was extremely hard to do this, and you really just had to mix the entire thing up and not be able to get "perfect bites" with the ratio you wanted, but it barely mattered.  If you got it all, or, really, just the pudding and cookie crumble, it was really, really good.

"Black cocoa cookie crumbs."

The cookie crumble, described as "black cocoa cookie crumbs" was ... basically Oreo crumbs.  The woman taking my order even said, "Oh, do you like Oreo?  If you do, the base is all Oreo, and its amazing".   When she said that, my heart sank a little, actually.  I don't really like Oreo.  If that is why people loved the pudding, then, it probably wasn't for me.  I nearly changed my order.  But I'm glad I didn't.

Yes, it was basically Oreo crumbs.  But it clumped together in ways that it formed either loose soil or little crumbly chunks, all of which were intensely chocolately, almost like a very loose brownie.  I loved the play of the textures against the pudding.  I loved how the very dark cocoa provided the balance needed against the crazy sweet pudding.  It just worked.

This was a creation that was much more than the sum of its parts.  Seemingly generic whipped cream and caramel, pudding that was both too runny and too sweet, and crumbled cookies I don't really like, combined into something totally delicious.

I loved it.  I devoured it.  I had told Ojan I was going to share with him, but, uh, I didn't.  I'd gladly get it again for a birthday freebie, but now I am even more curious about that butter cake ...

Original Review, March 2013

I went to CPK once, when I first moved to California, because I thought it was a thing ... it was "California" after all!  The only thing I remember is that it was the first time I ever had bbq chicken pizza, and I liked the idea of bbq sauce on pizza.  I don't recall if I actually liked the pizza, or anything else.

The other day, CPK was running a promo for a free item off their small plates menu.  I was walking by, was slightly hungry, and couldn't resist a freebie!

I could select any item off that section of the menu, including small salads (meh, they weren't going to have quality produce right?), quesadillas (chicken, ugh), chips and guacamole (allergic), crispy mac 'n' cheese with cheese sauce (tempting!), or focaccia.  I picked the focaccia, as it was most like their speciality, pizza, so I figured if they were going to do any of these items right, it would be the focaccia. It was by far the cheapest of the small plates, but I wasn't really trying to maximize my freebie.

Ordering online was easy, I specified my pickup time, and then it asked if I wanted complimentary bread and utensils, and if so, for how many people.  I set the time, said yes to the extras, and went to get it.

I arrived 10 minutes early to pick it up, and it was already ready ... I guess not freshly made!  But it was kept in a warming area, so at least it was hot.  I also did not receive the bread or the utensils.  I didn't really care, but it was interesting that they have you specify that, and then leave it out.

Long rambling story short ... I have no reason to go back there.

Mediterranean Focaccia.  $2.75.

"Herb cheese focaccia baked in our pizza oven and served with Mediterranean olive oil and Parmesan."

The focaccia was sliced up, like breadsticks.  It had some type of cheese on it that I couldn't really identify, and only the middle pieces really had much on them.  It also had some herbs coating it, but there wasn't much flavor.  It was pretty unremarkable.  I love the buttery oilyness that can make focaccia delicious, and it wasn't present in this.  It was oily, but not in a nice way.  If you had handed me the plate, I would have told you it was just standard breadsticks, not focaccia.

On the side was the dipping sauce: oil and parmesan.  I liked the parmesan in it, but the oil itself was completely flavorless.  I use higher quality oil just for cooking!  I guess I shouldn't have expected more, but as a dipping oil, I definitely wanted oil with some flavor.  The focaccia would have been better with a marinara sauce or something else to dip into, but then I guess it would be too much like pizza?

Anyway, this wasn't good.  I guess the $2.75 price tag matched the quality however?  

Read More...

Häagen-Dazs

Update Review, August 2024

Another year, another round of birthday freebies, and of course Häagen-Dazs was on my list, as they actually make decent ice cream.

Mint Chip.

"Sweet cream infused with mint and mixed with chocolaty chips make this a dreamy, cool classic."

For my birthday scoop, I was a bit boring, and got the mint chip.  I was craving it.

It was fairly basic, but I was in the mood for something simple.  Slight minty flavor, quality chips, reasonable number of chips and well distributed.  Nothing remarkable, but good.  No freezer burn, no icey chunks (ahem, Baskin-Robbins and your horrible scoop shop quality control!).  ***+.

Pistachio (new recipe).

"Lightly roasted and salted California pistachios paired perfectly with velvety pistachio ice cream."

Häagen-Dazs changed their pistachio ice cream recipe, and thus, they gave it for free to everyone (first 500 per location) to celebrate.  Of course I went for the freebie.

This is a flavor for those who truly like pistachio. Very intense flavor, both in the base ice cream and in the plethora of nuts it was loaded with. You really truly need to be in the mood for pistachio, but if you are, this one really delivers. ***+.

Update Review, 2023

Another year, another birthday freebies crawl, this year I was in Manhattan for my birthday, which meant I could get my free Häagen-Dazs for the first time ever.  Häagen-Dazs may not be the most exciting, but, I do find that I enjoy their ice cream, and for a generic grocery store brand, it is better than most.

My visit was to an actual Häagen-Dazs store, located in Penn Station.

Cookie Dough, Mini.  $5.99.

"For those who relish a taste of something playful, we re-created a childhood treat. We blend chunks of buttery cookie dough and sweet fudge chips with our finest pure vanilla ice cream. Ah, such sweet memories."

The Häagen-Dazs I visited only had 8 flavors available (Amtrak train station location).  I tried the butter pecan, but wasn't particularly into it, so, I went for cookie dough, without sampling.  It was decent cookie dough ice cream. I appreciated the generous size flecks of chocolate, in addition to the cookie dough pieces.  Basically bits of goodness in every bite.  Fairly nice quality vanilla base, I do always think Häagen-Dazs makes a nice vanilla.

Nothing amazing, but, a good reliable choice. ****.

Update Reviews, 2020-2021

I've reviewed Häagen-Dazs flavors before, both originally in 2013, and later in 2018, so these are just a few updates.  Summary?  While it may be an "everyday" brand, I do find the quality high, and their vanilla has become my go-to.  I'm eager to try some of their new "Spirits" line.

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Vanilla.

"Vanilla is the essence of elegance and sophistication. This marriage of pure, sweet cream and Madagascar vanilla creates the sweet scent of exotic spice and a distinctive taste that lingers on your tongue."

I've reviewed this flavor before, but it continues to surprise me every time I have, just how good it is.

It is *just* vanilla.  Vanilla!  Vanilla is bo-ring.  But this is really, really good vanilla.  Complex flavor (if that is possible with vanilla!), rich, creamy.

I think my favorite vanilla on the mainstream market these days.

*****.

Vanilla Chocolate Chip.

"Our delectable chocolate chips are swirled with our creamy, smooth vanilla ice cream, allowing two flavor titans to come together in this classically indulgent treat."

Given how much I've liked the vanilla before, it should come as no surprise that I adore the vanilla chocolate chip as well.

Same high quality vanilla base, with plenty of chocolate chips (er, chunks?) throughout.

****+.

Chocolate.

"Rich, creamy, and totally indulgent. Made from the finest cocoa and pure, sweet cream, our chocolate ice cream is the ultimate experience."

I often comment that I'm not really a chocolate ice cream kinda girl.  But, much like the vanilla, Häagen-Dazs has done something kinda magic with their chocolate ice cream.

Rich, creamy, indulgent.  Very very "milk chocolate", if that makes any sense.  I always really enjoy it.

****.

Update Review, January 2018

I've reviewed Häagen-Dazs flavors before, so these are just a few updates.

Chocolate Peanut Butter.

"We start with our legendary chocolate ice cream and swirl in ribbons of creamy, smooth peanut butter.  The experience is an irresistible blend of flavors in every delicious mouthful."

Well, this was delicious.  Rich and indulgent.

I'm not normally a huge lover of chocolate based ice cream, but, the peanut butter and chocolate combination is one that is hard to resist.  The ice cream was smooth and creamy, and the chocolate flavor fairly deep and rich.  A very good base.

The peanut butter swirl was excellent.  Very creamy, strong peanut butter flavor, smooth, and, most importantly, it came in very big globs.  

This also melted nicely, and it helped to make it melt a little so the peanut butter also softened.

Overall, very good, and I'd gladly have it again.

Peppermint Bark (Limited Edition).

"Celebrate the season with our rendition of this holiday classic. rich white chocolate ice cream is blended with crunchy chocolaty peppermint bark and peppermint candy pieces."

I didn't know this was white chocolate ice cream until I looked up the description later.  I thought it was a vanilla base.  Which tells you about how, uh, white chocolately it was.

I did like the bits of peppermint bark and peppermint candy though, so I got a scoop.  That said, it had a "fake mint" taste to it that I couldn't quite get past.

Overall, ok, but I wouldn't get again.

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Caramel Cone.

"We balance a creamy blend of caramel ice cream and rich caramel swirls with the sweet crunch of chocolaty cone pieces to create a sweet, harmonious bite."

This sounded far more exciting than it was.  It was just kinda sweet with a few assorted bits of chocolate covered slightly crispy cone chunks.  Better than Americone Dream from Ben & Jerry's because the waffle cone pieces weren't soggy at least?

I should have read my notes from last time, because, well, my opinion didn't change.

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Pralines & Cream.

"Ribbons of golden caramel and sweet nutty praline pecans swirled into our signature vanilla ice cream."

 This was very sweet, but about as promised.  Lots of caramel, lots of sweet covered pecans.  Fine, but you certainly needed to want sweet to enjoy it.

Again, I should have read my notes from before, because my opinion is the same.

Original Review, November 2013

As you may have noticed, I like ice cream.  Particularly when it is part of an elaborate sundae.  Or when served alongside warm pie.  Or soft serve, in a cone, with sprinkles.  But for the occasions when the ice cream craving hits and I'm at home, I always have my freezer stocked.  I have some favorite local brands of store bought ice cream from back in New Hampshire, but I haven't really found any here in San Francisco.  So I've been exploring all the widely known "premium" brands, like Ben and Jerry's, Baskin-Robbins, and now, Häagen-Dazs.  I'm not impressed.  This seems as generic as any other store brand ...

• Caramel Cone: “This creamy blend of caramel ice cream with rich caramel swirls balances the sweet crunch of chocolaty-covered cone pieces for a harmonious bite”. Tasting notes: Decent sweet caramel ice cream, nice crunchy chocolate cone pieces.  Better than the Ben & Jerry's version of something similar.
• Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough: "Chunks of buttery cookie dough and sweet fudge chips blended with our finest pure vanilla ice cream." Tasting notes: it was loaded up with generous chunks of cookie dough, but they weren't particularly good, and the ice cream wasn't very creamy.  Meh. [ Generous amount and size of chunks of cookie dough, good flavor. ]
• Praline and Cream: “Ribbons of golden caramel along with sweet and nutty praline pecans swirled into our signature vanilla ice cream.” Tasting notes: super sweet, too much sweet.
• Salted Caramel Truffle: “Smooth, sweet-cream ice cream, ribbons of rich salted caramel, and decadent chocolaty truffles”. Tasting notes: Not very caramely or salty.  Meh. [ Has little chocolate truffles in it, but not very creamy or interesting. ]
• Spiced Caramel Biscuit: “Crumbles of sugary, crunchy cinnamon-sparked biscuits blended into velvety caramel ice cream.”  Tasting notes: Biscuit pieces give a nice crunch, but otherwise boring and forgettable.
• Strawberry Cheesecake: Tasting notes: just sweet, not good.
• Vanilla: Tasting notes: This was probably my favorite of theirs, which is crazy, because it is so plain.  But it is a decently creamy ice cream with good enough vanilla flavor.  I don't ever want a bowl of it plain, but alongside some pie, or topped with berries and whipped cream, it can hit the spot!

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Klondike Ice Cream

Update Review, 2021

In early 2021, Klondike introduced a few new products, including new exciting flavors of cones and ... shakes.  Shakes? From the grocery store freezer aisle?  Yup.

Shakes

"Get ready for the greatest shake since the invention of milkshakes- all in a cool, convenient pouch. Deliciously creamy and loaded with great taste, these shakes are perfect for enjoying at home or on-the-go. So just sit back, chill out and slurp anytime, anywhere."

Ok, so, pre-made milkshakes?  Ones that, um, don't require any kind of shaking/mixing?  These didn't exactly sound promising.

Shakes come in three varieties, classic vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry (er, "Chill Out & Vanilla", "Wind Down & Chocolate", and "Sit Back & Strawberry").  I was only able to find the vanilla in my area, and I think strawberry is already discontinued, which was fine with me, as vanilla was my first choice.

"No blender, spoon, straw, cup, diner, or rollerblade waiters necessary to enjoy this mess-free marvel. Klondike Shakes come with a one-of-a-kind spill-proof pouch and built-in straw. Just shake, twist, and chill out in as fast as 3 to 5 minutes. Skip the burger & milkshake joint and make your next shake run to the ice cream aisle for the fastest way to shake on-the-go!"

Early reviews for these were ... interesting.  Nearly every reviewer said the "take out of freezer, wait 3 minutes" instructions were awful - that it took far, far longer for these to reach a soft enough consistency, 20 minutes or more.  They reported that the chocolate were far thicker, and never got soft enough (I couldn't verify, as sadly, I only found the vanilla).  They also said that these were ... not anything like milkshakes really.

And yet I was actually very, very excited for the Klondike shakes.  Why? Because many reviewers say that they taste like ... soft serve ice cream, particularly the vanilla ones.  Now, I could care less about milkshakes actually, but have a serious, serious fondness for soft serve ice cream, and that is NOT something you can get at home easily, so, I wanted to see if it was possible.  I think the only time I've seen soft serve packaged ice cream was in Tokyo, where in that magical place, even 7-Eleven had soft serve in a cone in the freezers (and other convenience stores, like Ministop, actually just have soft serve machines!).

Anyway, I live in the US, where soft serve at home is not a thing, so, if Klondike Shakes were even close, I was thrilled.

And, spoiler, thrilled I was.

Chill Out & Vanilla.

"We’re bringing all the joy of your favorite diner-style milkshake to your kitchen freezer! Twist open Chill Out & Vanilla to conveniently enjoy a classic shake with thick, creamy vanilla flavor blended together with Klondike frozen dessert anytime, anywhere."

I did attempt to evaluate the product as intended, as a milkshake.  And yes, other people were right - taking this out of the freezer and waiting 3 minutes did not yield a milkshake.  You could wait substantially longer, more like 15 min, or try warming it up in your pocket, but, 3 minutes, absolutely not.  The result once it softened was sorta akin to a milkshake, but even with the fairly innovative pouch, it was pretty hard to suck out.  Plus, you missed out on all the fun of using a straw, topping with whipped cream, etc, that you get with a real milkshake.

So, as a "milkshake", ***, because kinda annoying.  That said, the vanilla flavor was good - it did taste exactly like higher quality soft serve vanilla ice cream, with much more of a vanilla bean essence to it than something like McDonald's soft serve.

But I was much more interested in these for their likeness to soft serve ice cream.  After opening up a couple of these, I even found a technique to open along the seam of the pouch to easily extract the contents.  My method was pretty simple: pull one out, clean up my dinner dishes, and assemble the rest of my ingredients for whatever I was crafting (a sundae with hot fudge, bananas, strawberries, nuts, etc, etc), perhaps a cone with sprinkles, perhaps a warm piece of pie, crisp, or cobbler that needed to be served a la mode ... whatever it was.  By the time I was ready, so was it.  Cut it open, dump out the soft ice cream, enjoy.

It really was as close to soft serve from a machine that I can imagine getting at home.  Lovely soft consistency, not too melty, no icy bits.  Great vanilla flavor.  I actually really, really loved these, as soft serve.

The pouches are only 110 calories each, again, more like a tiny fast food soft serve than a milkshake, clearly.  They are kinda pricey for a small little soft serve, but, wow, so nice to have at home.

****+ as soft serve.

Original Review, February 2018

I've reviewed a lot of classic ice cream bars over the years.  Most fail to satisfy me, as I've turned into a snob, and these "ice cream novelties" and "frozen dairy desserts" just aren't exactly the quality level I've come to appreciate.

But I found a winner.  Klondike bars.

I didn't eat many of these growing up.  My family never had them.  Our school ice cream program never had them.  But I do remember liking them, although I rather suspected some of that was just the novelty of an item that came with a different wrapper style.  But maybe that is why I was so excited when I tried one recently?  They still are a bit of a unicorn to me, not a common item I encounter.

Klondike bars have been around since the 1920's, and are named after the Klondike River.  Their unique aspects are the fact that they do not have a stick, are square shaped, and have foil wrappers.  Klondike makes their signature bars in a huge variety of flavors at this point: original (chocolate), dark chocolate, double chocolate, heath, mint chocolate chip, s'mores, cookie dough swirl, krunch, reese's, oreo, caramel pretzel, brownie fudge swirl, neo-politan, and more.  Different flavors of ice cream, differing coatings, but all squares of ice cream coated in chocolate of some form.

The company also makes "Kandy Bars", described as "Klondike meets candy bar", shaped more like a traditional candy bar, but, made of ice cream.  And ice cream sandwiches, including Oreo ones (yes, with giant Oreo cookies and a ice cream filling with bits of oreo inside it (like what I tried in Canada, but made by Nestlé), and those made with Mrs. Fields Cookies.  They also are the maker of ... choco tacos!

Single Serve Klondike Bar.

Most Klondike bars come wrapped in that signature foil wrapper, but, single serve ones come in a more standard plastic bag wrapper.   I almost expected a foil wrapper inside, but, alas, nope.

The single serve bars are also 20% bigger than the standard, 102 grams instead of 85 grams.  The size threw me off a bit.

The Original.

"A huge hunk of creamy vanilla ice cream covered in a thick, chocolatey shell.  It’s simple, classic perfection — The best thing to happen to ice cream since, um, the invention of ice cream."

I had an original Klondike bar.  Just vanilla ice cream, just a plain chocolate shell.

The chocolate had a nice snap to it.  It was thick enough to taste, but not hard to bite into.

The ice cream was soft, sweet, and creamy.  I let it melt just a bit, and it got even better.

I really enjoyed this, simple as it was.  ****.

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Think Thin

I try to like protein bars, I really do.  Or maybe at this point I only do it so I can add to my review labels for bars?  Seriously though, if I could find one that tasted good, smelt good, had nice texture, and was good for me, I'd love it.

"Protein helps fuel a full, energetic life. And good nutrition should always be delicious. That’s why thinkThin® products are packed with protein and come in a variety of decadent flavors."

Think Thin wins on the "sounds good" front, and little else.  They make a ton of product lines: High Protein Bars, Protein & Fiber Bars, Protein & Superfruit Bars, and Protein Nut Bars, plus, uh, Protein Cakes, Protein & Fiber Oatmeal, Protein & Probiotic Powder, and Protein Smoothie Mixes.  

I tried several types of bars.  I can't say I want more.

High Protein Bars

"Our highest protein bar for consumers seeking post-workout energy or even meal replacement. Also great for those watching their sugar intake. 20g protein, 0g sugar, 0 guilt. Gluten Free."

These are the type of stats that should scare you away immediately.  There is no way something like this will taste good.  Where does all the protein come from? The "protein blend" made from why protein isolate, soy protein isolate, calcium caseinate, and casein..  Mmm, tasty.  Oh, and soy crisps too.

But the varieties available all sound good: "brownie crunch", "maple almond", "cookies & cream", etc.  Protip: Don't trust the names.  These things are awful.

Chunky Peanut Butter.

"This high protein bar packs the nutty flavors of chunky roasted peanut butter blended with cocoa and covered in luscious milk chocolate."

Ok, so, this looked, and sounded good.  Who doesn't love chocolate coated peanut butter?

First, the coating.  It looked like chocolate, but, it certainly wasn't creamy milk chocolate.  Made from "coating": maltitol, cocoa butter, chocolate, sodium caseinate, milk fat, soy lecithin, natural flavors. salt.  Yum.

It was tasteless and the layer too thin to be useful anyway.  So if you are looking for a chocolate flavor to compliment the peanuts, this is not it.  But that was the least of the problems.

Chunky Peanut Butter: Inside.

The inside was the problem.  This was just downright nasty.  It tasted like sawdust.  The consistency was sawdust.  It was really, truly, gross.  I didn't taste peanuts either, just, sawdust.  I spit it out.  I really couldn't swallow something so foul.

Wow, it isn't like I expected this to be good, but I certainly didn't expect it to be this bad.

Cinnamon Bun White Chocolate.

"A sweet yet spicy mouthful of exotic cinnamon wrapped in creamy white chocolate is a perfect choice for those who want a little adventure at 3:00 pm."

If at first you don't succeed ... try, try again.  Plus, who doesn't love cinnamon buns and sweet white chocolate?

The aroma on this was actually pleasant.  Cinnamon-y.  Really not bad.

The white chocolate "coating" was similar to the chocolate though, basically lost, just giving a touch of sweetness, an element of icing.

And it did taste like cinnamon.  But with a base of soy protein isolate, whey protein isolate, chicory fiber, and brown rice syrup, how tasty could it really be?  At least it wasn't quite as sawdust-y.

Crunch

The Crunch line seems to be a trial, with only a few flavors available, and no main listing on their website.  A lighter item.  I think they pivoted these to the nut bars?

Blueberry Mixed Nuts Crunch Bar.

"With 60% less sugar and 2x the amount of protein than leading fruit and nut bars, this delicious nutty delight is not only a good source of fiber packed with peanuts, almonds and cashews, but also has a generous helping of blueberries - natures jewels and nutrition-rich superfruits."

I obviously wasn't into the protein bars, but bars that have real nuts, and are just stuck together with sweetness generally appeal to me (at least, as much as any bars do).

Through the see-threw packaging, I could see that this bar really did look like sweet stuck together nuts, yet it promised to be a bit better for me, so I gave it a try.

I couldn't decide if I hated it or not.

Yes, it did have nuts.  Whole peanuts, almonds, and cashews.  And they were bound together by sweetness (brown rice syrup in this case).  But it had a strange bitterness, which, once I looked at the ingredients list, I realized came from chicory fiber (why was that in there?).  I also saw another gem hiding in the ingredients.  No, it wasn't the blueberries.  Soy crisps.  Made from ... soy protein isolate.  Sigh.

This was almost good.  Sweet sticky nuts ... almost.  But strangely bitter.

Lean Protein & Fiber

"At only 150 calories, thinkThin Lean Protein & Fiber™ bars deliver the perfect balance of 10g of protein and 5g of fiber to give you energy and help keep you full and satisfied."

Salted Caramel Lean Protein & Fiber Bar.

"Bite into smooth caramel covered in dark chocolate, with a crispy salty finish."

I'll start with the good.  The flavor was actually really great, salted caramel.  The dark chocolate coating was equally flavorful and deep.  Chocolate and caramel go together well.

But, how do you get 10g of protein and 5g of sugar into a 150 calorie bar?  With a base made from protein blend of soy protein isolate, whey protein isolate, and calcium caseinate,  And, you can tell.  The texture is strange, the taste is funky, particularly on the finish.  Sad, since it could be so tasty, but, destroyed by what it is.  **.

Oatmeal

Hot oatmeal is enhanced with additional protein and fiber, and comes in numerous varieties: madagascar vanilla with almonds & pecans, Farmer's market berry crumble, honey peanut butter, banana bread, apple spice, and original sprouted grains.

Packaging.

thinkThin uses a slightly different form than most oatmeal packets, and it contains a handy feature - you can use it as a measuring cup!  Yup, you dump the oatmeal into a bowl, and can use the packet to measure the water - the fill line is on the back.

Instructions are provided for either a microwave cook (add cold water, heat, stir, wait) or adding boiling water (stir, wait).

I went the boiling water route, as I already had water ready.

Original Sprouted Grains.

"Fuel up and feel great, with a warm, wholesome and delicious bowl of Original Sprouted Grains Oatmeal. It’s a protein and fiber fueled way to fill your day with plenty of positive energy. Each bowl is a hearty blend of whole grains, like whole rolled oats, steel cut oats, sprouted buckwheat and sprouted quinoa. The thick, rich texture is full of body and perfectly balanced with a mouthwatering hint of brown sugar. Made with just the good stuff and Non-GMO Project verified. So you can feel great about every single bite."

It looked like ... powdery oatmeal.  Not sure what I was expecting, but I think I thought there would be something slightly more interesting about it.  More bits of something perhaps, and certainly not all the powder.

Still, I added my boiling water, stirred, let it get thick, and tried to enjoy.

It was very meh.  Very boring.  The base is mostly just standard rolled and steal cut oats.  They were fine.  The sprouted grains, buckwheat and quinoa were minimal.  I did like the bits I got, they added great crunch, but, there just wasn't much of that at all.  I wanted more texture.

And then, the flavor.  This isn't a flavored variety, although it has a touch of salt and a touch of brown sugar.  It tasted odd though.  It tasted like fake sweet, which makes no sense.  The only thing I can think is that perhaps the chicory root fiber or soy protein isolate they add made the taste off for me?

I tried adding more toppings, but I still just couldn't get excited about this.  It really was a nice healthy bowl of seemingly quality oatmeal though.  **+.

Madagascar Vanilla with Almonds & Pecans.

"Power up-perfectly with a warm, wholesome and delicious bowl of Madagascar Vanilla, Almonds, Pecans oatmeal. It’s a protein and fiber fueled way to fill your day with plenty of positive energy. Each bowl is a hearty blend of whole grains, like whole rolled oats, steel cut oats, and the super-grain red quinoa. The thick, rich texture is full of body and perfectly balanced with a mouthwatering assortment of almond and pecan pieces along with real Madagascar Vanilla Bean-crushed for a sweet, creamy flavor."

I moved on to another good sounding version, this one promised me almonds and pecans, and vanilla flavor.  I was again hopeful for more texture, crunch from the red quinoa I knew not to expect, but I thought the almonds and pecans might deliver.  And maybe the vanilla bean would mask some of the strange flavor ...

But, alas.  Again, just powdery oatmeal.  Not much texture.  Not really sure where those promised almonds and pecans were.  And, no, I didn't taste vanilla either.  I didn't taste much.

Well, that is, except for the strange, fake sweetness that came on the finish, and lingered.  I really do not understand, as the only ingredients, besides the base whole grains, almonds and pecans, really are cane sugar, soy protein isolate, and chicory root fiber. The chicory root should be bitter, and I didn't think soy protein had a fake sweet taste ... but, this tasted, well, fake sweet.  I really did not like it.  **.

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Dough

Dough is a strange business.  They make two things: pizza and donuts.  This isn't all that strange, as, well dough is the base of each, but ... they aren't open past 2pm.  They aren't open at all on weekends.  So, a pizza place that is lunch only, weekdays only, that happens to also sell some donuts?  It just seems like a business model that wouldn't work out.  But anyway.

I've only had the donuts, but they aren't particularly special.

2023 Tastings

Assorted Donuts.

Dough makes all sorts of fun flavors, but this event had only basic chocolate and maple gazed, crumb, cinnamon sugar.  All were cake style donuts.

Chocolate Cake with Sprinkles.

I got the chocolate sprinkle.  It was a fairly greasy donut, kinda like NH style.  And a cake donut, which I don't usually prefer.  Nicely crisp though.  Good for a cake donut.  ***.

Donuts.

I clearly wasn't intending to review these, as my notes only say, "All were fine. Not great."

2024 Tastings

I haven’t really cared for Dough donuts before, but when a co-worker brought in a bunch, including raised donuts that I don’t think I’d tried before, of course I had to try.  Alas, they were not particularly good.

Cinnamon Roll.

First I snagged a hunk of the cinnamon roll.

Meh.  Tasted like bad oil.  Fluffy donut, good glaze, but not very fresh tasting. *+.

Strawberry & Cream.

Then it was time for ... the strawberry & cream!

Ok, so this looked awesome, and seemed far more interesting than a generic jelly donut.  In fact, it turned out not to be jelly at all, but instead, actually strawberries & cream.

But ... same meh donut base: fluffy, well glazed, but just not fresh tasting, old oil taste.  

Strawberry & Cream: Inside.

Inside looked great still but ... the strawberries were way too sweetened in goo, and didn't taste fresh at all.  

The white creme is the very fake style that I like for some reason (e.g. probably non-dairy, very sweet, and very stable due to all the chemicals).  So, yay for “creme”, but meh to the rest.  *+.

Sprinkle Iced Cake:

I also tried the sprinkle iced cake donut you can see in the background, just for completeness.  Very sweet icing, very sweet sprinkles, and again, fairly bad oil taste to the base donut. *.

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United Polaris, UA 194, SFO-MUC

Another day, another United Polaris flight, much like many others, although this one featured a unique schnitzel dish, and ... a mis-catered dessert cart that meant NO ICE CREAM SUNDAES.  Wah!

Flight Details:

• UA 194, San Francisco to Munich  
• Departure: 1:30pm (Actual: 2:10pm).  
• Arrival: 9:45am (Actual: 10:35am)
• Seat: 12A
• Aircraft 777-200

This is the story of a flight that took place during the historic geomagnetic storm in early May 2024. Very cool for those of you who got to see brilliant skies, but, not so great for those of us who were attempting to fly across the US, where almost the entirety of the airspace was closed due to the massive interference with radar.  This mean we took a looooong route around, and there was plenty of drama around connecting flights (including myself, we were wheels down to my connecting takeoff time of only 48 minutes, so once we deplaned, dealt with going through immigration to enter Schengen region, getting to the other terminal, and boarding it was very, very tight - and very very stressful!  Let's just say, I was one of those people running through an airport).  That all said, I don't blame United for any of that, it truly was a historic one-in-a-lifetime type of geographic event.

Service & Amenities

This was a standard Polaris flight, not long haul enough to qualify for extras like pajamas.  A fully loaded flight (in all classes) meant no extra blankets nor pillows nor mattress pads around.  

My flight crew were actually fabulous.  Friendly, welcoming, sympathetic to the drama that they knew most of us would have given the delay and long route.  Most of the flight was folks with connections, and, well, we were all in for misery ahead.

Speaking of misery, due to series of other unfortunate things, I booked this flight just the day before, which meant I got the last available seat, 12A.  So at least it wasn't a middle seat, but, 1) it was an even row, so not the private ones near the window, which yeah, is considerably less private, and my side table was on the wrong side for my right-handed nature 2) it is the only row with NO window, like, legit no window, which I didn't realize would matter so much, but it turns out to be pretty drab particularly for a day flight, and 3) in back cabin on a smaller aircraft with only one set of FAs for all of Polaris, so it took forever for service.

No PDB of any kind offered, standard water bottle waiting at the seat.  A hot towel was presented once underway.  Since I was in the back cabin, and this was the fewer FAs type flight where they serve the whole first cabin first, which, combined with a departure delay, the new service flow, etc, meant for a very loooong time before I even had a drink.

Food & Drink

Meal service has returned to the pre-covid flow finally though, with drinks and nuts served from a cart, followed by appetizer/salad/bread from a cart (in theory, not quite how it happened), and then main dishes delivered one by one.  A dessert cart follows (again, in theory, not really what happened) with the cheese, sundaes, and dessert of the day.  I didn't get a drink until after 3pm, nearly 2.5 hours after being on board.

Nuts, Aha
Elizabeth Spector Cabernet Sauvignon 2021.

Eventually once underway, I got my sparkling Aha, mixed nuts (cashews/almonds only, not really salted, warm), and red wine.  I opted for the cabernet sauvignon, they also had a pinot noir.

This was one of the better wines I've had on a United flight.  It drank a bit grapey, but was low tanin and acid, had a bit of complexity.  I'd try something else next time, but it wasn't bad.  Retails for $65, so also a bit splurgy for United.  Low ***.

Linner

With a 1:30pm departure (and then delay), and a 9:45am arrival, the main meal was kinda ... late lunch/early dinner.  Confused further of course by the fact that I ate in the lounge in the airport too, both because it was lunch time then, and because I had low hopes for the United catering.

Menu.

The menu was essentially the same as I had in January ex-SFO to SYD.  Simple salad.  Appetizers were the same burrata or shrimp machboos.  Choice of 4 mains.  Crumb cake or sundae.  Rinse and repeat.

Main Course Options.

The main dish was 4 choices, with a regionalized offering (pork schnitzel) replacing the standard beef option.  The others were the expected chicken, fish, or pasta:

• Lemongrass chicken with coconut jasmine rice, bok choy, grilled lemon cheek and Thai red curry sauce
• Butternut squash ravioli with Swiss chard and pepitas
• Grilled salmon with roasted green asparagus, lemon, thyme roasted red bliss potato wedges and turmeric lemon zest beurre blanc
• Pork schnitzel with creamy mushroom and pepper sauce, Yukon potato wedges with thyme, buttered baby carrots and lemon

I pre-ordered the schnitzel out of novelty/curiosity more than anything else, and hoping it would perhaps have tasty creamy mushroom sauce.  The chicken and salmon were both sold out already on pre-order when I selected my meal in advance, but I didn't want them anyway.  I was vaguely interested in the butternut squash ravioli, but reviews mention the sauce is greasy, and the chard bitter.  So, schnitzel it was.

Romaine Salad.

"with carrots and cherry tomato."

Our trays were delivered with just the salad on them.  About 10-15 minutes later, the cart came through the aisle with appetizers, and then a bread basket followed.  Very drawn out service.

The salad was pretty basic, yup, romaine, yup some not totally awful cherry tomatoes, a bit of carrot shards.  Standard balsamic vinaigrette that I didn't use.  It was what it was.  Low *** as it was boring, but nothing wrong with it.

It was considerably better once I added the dressing from the appetizer, and later, the main dish.

Shrimp Machboos.

"with tomatoes and mint yogurt dressing."

I had this before, and found it impressive in looks, but not taste, but, hey, it had been 4 months, maybe it got better?

It had changed, but I don't think for the better.  The shrimp were again ridiculously large. Seriously, they were such beasts.  It was impressive.  Tail on.  They looked great.

But ... wow, they were soooooo chewy.  It was a workout to cut them, to chew them, to interact with them in any way.  Just, not well prepared.  They also were flavorless themselves, no succulent nice shrimp flavor.  They had a spice rub on them, that was certainly flavorful, but, the shrimp themselves were remarkably tasteless.  So, tasteless, chewy, tough, but well seasoned in the rub I guess? Um, * for the rub, 0 stars for the shrimp themselves.

The mint yogurt dressing was a thin sauce in the bottom of the bowl, that I used with the salad, and that worked quite well.  *** dressing.   There were more random cherry tomatoes in this dish was well.

Dark Roll.

And finally, the bread basket came through with assorted breads to pick from.  I was in the back cabin, second to last row, so I had slim pickings.  I'm not sure if the crowd favorite garlic bread or pretzels were offered to others, but I had only sourdough, white, or dark to choose from.  I went for the later.

It was lightly warm, soft, and didn't taste stale.  Not particularly great, but not bad.  I still do like the wheat ones normally offered ex-SFO, was sad to not get one of those. Low ***.

Schnitzel.

"Pork schnitzel with creamy mushroom and pepper sauce, Yukon potato wedges with thyme, buttered baby carrots and lemon."

Ok, so for my main dish, I got the schtnizel.  Mostly for novelty, as it is unique to the German markets, and I didn't want the others anyway (which, my traveling companion who got the salmon confirmed was awful, and she couldn't really take more than a bite).  Also, I had feasted in both lounges, and it was a strange time, so I didn't really expect to eat much of this.

It was considerably better than I expected.  Now, was it schnitzel?  Well, not really.  It was thin mystery meat that could believably be pork, and it did have some kind of coating, but certainly not a nice crispy coating.  It had some bits that were chewy, but mostly, the meat was actually not bad.  Moist.  Flavorful.  Huh.  *** pork itself.

The "Yukon potato wedges with thyme" were more like halves of red potatoes, and I wasn't really into them, but the baby carrots were decent enough, they were mid-size baby carrots, soft but not mushy, and had been cooked with butter.  The mushrooms were boring button mushrooms, but, I like mushrooms, and they were fine.  So, *** vegetables too.  Nothing great, but not bad.

There was a big hunk of cooked lemon in the mix, that worked remarkably well with the salad creation I was concocting, and with the schnitizel.  Very juicy, and it livened up everything I squeezed it over.  Kudos to them for having the acid element.  

And finally, the creamy pepper sauce, that was again, pretty decent.  A thin sauce, a bit broken, a bit oily, but actually quite flavorful.  I ended up drizzling it over the rest of my salad, dunking my roll in it, and then, eventually, just lapping it up with my spoon like soup.  I liked that sauce quite a bit, even though more broth like than sauce.  ***+ sauce.

This all came together to be a pretty reasonable meal.  Not restaurant quality, not even the quality of nicer business class airlines, but, for United, this was certainly one of the best entrees I have had, as they are usually awful, and not edible.  ***.

"Crumb Cake" (aka, carrot cake).

Dessert is when the tragedy struck.  No dessert trolley made its way down the aisle, but instead, just the FA with a tray offering cheese or cake.  Wait, what?  Isn't this United Polaris?  That I fly mostly because they have ice cream sundaes?  (I mean, not really, but sorta).  It turns out that the ice cream was not loaded.  The toppings were, but not the ice cream.  Now, I honestly would have been thrilled with a big bowl of whipped cream, caramel drizzle, and nuts to go along with my berries and cheesecake I had with me for backup, but I understand them not wanting to set that all up just for the odd people who wanted toppings sans ice cream.

Anyway, ok, cake it was.  But ... it also wasn't the cake listed on the menu, which was the crumb cake.  It was the cake from the prior month's rotation, the carrot cake.  The same carrot cake that *hadn't* been loaded on my Sydney flight, so, hey, at least I got a chance to try it?

It was ... fine.  The cake was dense, moist, and spiced, but honestly didn't seem all that carrot.  No shards of carrot, no coconut, no nuts, no raisins ... a bit boring, but ok I guess.  The cream cheese frosting was thick, rich, and the best part.  Basically, low end average carrot cake. **+.

No port was offered, nor any other after dinner drinks.

Continental Breakfast + bowl of whipped cream
+ bowl of chocolate chips.

About 2 hours before landing some activity began in the cabin, with drinks offered to anyone who was up.  I opted for black coffee, it was fine.  1.5 hours before landing, the FAs came through to ask if you'd like the creamy eggs or oatmeal.  I've had both, and disliked them every time, so I declined, and opted for just the continental, which is fruit, yogurt, and a croissant.  

Of course, I first asked if the fruit contained melon, as I'm allergic, and luckily it did not.  The pineapple I skipped, the grapes were fine, the orange segments very refreshing after so many hours in the air. **+ fruit.  I did not have the yogurt, as I strongly dislike Chobani sweet flavored yogurt, and that is what United serves.

The croissant is never a strong point on United flights, but this was worse than usual.  Cold.  Smushed.  And tasted stale.  Normally they are at least not stale tasting.  Fairly dreadful. *.  Served with rock solid butter and reasonable jam.

Our flight did not have the ice cream catered, as I mentioned.  But the FA had mentioned earlier they had the toppings catered.  So at breakfast, I may or may not have said, "if you still have that whipped cream, I'd gladly take some with my breakfast ...".  She didn't skip a beat, and was more than happy to bring me the entire bowl of it, saying it was just going to waste anyway.  She asked if I wanted the slivered nuts for protein, or any of the other toppings.  I said I'd love a sprinkle of chocolate chips, and she brought the whole bowl, again saying, that they'd be trash anyway.  I gleefully kept the rest to sprinkle on things throughout the next few days.

So what was my actual breakfast?  Clearly not what United provided me  It was a scone I had brought with me, smothered in whipped cream and jam, with the United fruit plus my own berries, also covered in whipped cream and sprinkled with chocolate chips, and some nuts "for protein".  Given the fact that nearly every tray I saw with the eggs and oatmeal seemed to be going back with only 1-2 bites taken, I definitely feel like I made some winning decisions.

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