Dunkin' Donuts: Food Items

Update Review, December 2024

In late November, I randomly got an email from Dunkin': "Bring on the FREE breakfast sandwiches! Now through 12/11, get one free classic breakfast sandwich daily."

Of course I was drawn in: free!  Now, I've never had a breakfast sandwich from Dunkin, and never heard anyone say they were good, but, free!  And yeah, there is the problem that I live where there is no Dunkin' ... except that I was headed to NY on Dec 7, which meant I could sneak in a few free breakfast sandwiches ... if I wanted to use my precious NY time and stomach space in that way.  My curiosity and love of free things won out, so of course I did try a few.

Spoiler: there is a reason no one raves about Dunkin' breakfast sandwiches.  They aren't actually any good!  For my daily freebie, I had my choice of fillings (egg, sausage, turkey sausage, bacon, white cheddar or American cheese) on my choice of breads (several kinds of bagels, croissant, sourdough sliced bread, english muffin).  The sandwiches were all $5.99 in my location.  After trying only two, I decided it really wasn't worth further experimentation, and forfeited my 3 final freebies.   

Turkey Sausage, Egg, & Cheese.
(Multigrain Bagel, American Cheese).

For my first ever breakfast sandwich, I went for the one with all my top choices: turkey sausage, American cheese, and multigrain bagel.  I was a bit skeptical of the bagel aspect, as, well, Dunkin isn't known for bagels, but I really do love some multigrain bagels.

The bagel was as subpar as I thought it would be.  Hard.  Dry.  It did have some attractive oats and seeds on the outside, and did have a nice hearty taste, but, it just was clearly not a fresh bagel, and I don't think it would have been particularly good fresh anyway.  * bagel.

My cheese choice was American, which was a hard choice as I like white cheddar too, but I felt like starting classic.  The cheese slice was not really melted much as you can see here in the bagel hole. It was pretty standard generic bright yellow American cheese.  It was fine, but the lack of meltyness was definitely sad.  **+ cheese.

Egg Patty.

The egg patty didn't look totally awful, although clearly fast food style.  And it wasn't rubbery as I feared.  But instead it was ... spongy.  It had no real flavor either.  Not good. *.

Turkey Sausage.

And the worst part ... the sausage.  A strange square shape.  I love a good seasoned breakfast sausage patty, low brow sausage not really a concern for me, but this ...

This was HORRIBLE.  Tasted very ... nasty.  Highly processed, I guess maybe like turkey, but not like any sausage I’ve ever had. Zero stars.  Spit out.

Sausage, Egg, & Cheese.
(Everything Bagel, No Egg, White Cheddar).

Um, wow.

My next one I opted for no egg as I hadn't liked it before, moved on to the regular sausage and other cheese cheese choice, and took another try with a different kind of bagel.

This was ... the ultimate in "not even trying".  It was cold.  Like, not even a tiny bit warm.  The cheese was obviously entirely unmelted.  The patty had white bits of fat solidified on the outside.  I can't even ...

Everything Bagel.

The everything bagel was as bad as the multigrain.  Hard.  Not fresh.  Decent coating of seeds.  Do not get bagels here. 

White Cheddar Cheese.

The white cheddar was as average and standard as the American, except that it was entirely unmelted, which isn't what you want in a breakfast sandwich (at least, I wanted melty cheese ...).  Fine cheese, but the preparation on this left much, much to be desired.

Sausage.

The regular sausage was a totally different format from the turkey sausage: round, undersized (compared to the square turkey sausage that was bigger than the bagel).

As I mentioned, this was served entirely cold.  Not warmed in any way.  As such, it had congealed bits of white fat on it.  Really?  Really Dunkin?  Please at least ... pretend to care?

Anyway, it was not very good quality, even once I heated it.  Very mushy and highly processed low quality taste. *.

Original Review, January 2021

Dunkin' Donuts.

What "America Runs On".  A staple of my growing up.  Yadda yadda.

I've reviewed plenty of the donuts (and other "bakery") items before, I've reviewed the drinks (e.g. coffee, and crazy iced blended "desserts" that call themselves drinks), but I have never covered the *food* items at Dunkin' Donuts before.

Why?  Well, I didn't actually try any of these until the fall of 2021, when I was on the East Coast for 6 months, avoiding the COVID lockdown world of San Francisco.  

Also, um, who goes to Dunkin' Donuts for the *food*?  Donuts, coffee, muffins, sure, but the food items?  I honestly had never heard of anyone even trying something.

But given my extended time on the east coast, I eventually got curious.  I'm glad I did.

Sandwiches and Snacks

So, what food does Dunkin' offer?

A decent lineup of breakfast sandwiches, with all the standard bacon/sausage/ham options (and now, trendy Beyond Sausage!), several types of (microwaved) egg, and cheese in any of their bagels/english muffins/croissants ... or multigrain thins for the healthy types, simple sides - hash browns and "snackin' bacon" (yes, literally, you get a bag of bacon!), and "Wake-Up Wraps".  That is it.

No lunch items.  This is an area that Dunkin' has struggled, many other items have been part of the lineup at times, but nothing seems to have stuck.

I was drawn in though, by the promise of ... bacon.

Maple Sugar Bacon Wake-Up Wrap®.  $2.09.

"Our delicious Wake-Up Wrap® Sandwiches are made-to-order with your choice of protein, egg and cheese. The perfect portion to help start your day or fuel your afternoon."

Wake-Up Wraps come in whatever form you want - very customizable.  Simple egg and cheese or just a veggie egg white are kinda boring, but, you can pick any of the breakfast meats they offer: bacon, sausage, turkey sausage, Beyond Sausage, ham, or, the new Maple Sugar Bacon too.  My choice was clear - maple. sugar. bacon.

Also your choice of egg, although "fried egg" (ha!) comes standard, you can opt for the veggie egg patty, which I did, although I asked for it on the side (more on that later).

And finally, cheese, for this one, white cheddar is standard, but all others use American, and you can always swap the cheese.

My order was ready fairly quickly, and I was pleased with the warm, "fresh" result.

I can't say it looked particularly glorious, just like a breakfast soft taco, slightly crispy on the outside.  It was nicely warm though.

Maple Sugar Bacon Wake-Up Wrap®: Peeking Inside.

"Extra bacon caramelized with maple sugar seasoning, egg and white cheddar cheese, all wrapped in a tortilla."

I peeked inside my creation - the maple sugar bacon wrap, with white cheddar, no egg (inside).

The cheese was perfectly melty.  I spied nice looking bacon.

I got excited.

I tried a bite of the tortilla.  It was ... um, a tortilla?  Not what I ever really want.  It was slightly crisp, and warm, and not stale?

Maple Sugar Bacon Wake-Up Wrap®: BACON!

The cheese was ... fine I guess.  It was nicely melted, but it didn't really have much flavor.  And it, or maybe the bacon, or likely the combo of both, were really really oily.  Cheese, eh.

But the bacon?  The maple sugar bacon?  Now *that* was good.  Very, very, very good.  

Classic pork bacon, actually really nicely cooked - not flabby, not too crispy, I quite liked it.  It had a slight smokiness to it (from flavoring, not legit smoking, but whatever), and then of course the amazing maple sugar seasoning mix ... sugar, maple sugar, black pepper ... oh yes.  The portion of bacon was decent.

It made me immediately wish I had just purchased the Snakin' Bacon (literally, just a bag of the bacon!).  #nextTime

Overall: Tortilla ** (fine but not my thing), cheese ** (again, fine but not my thing), bacon ****

Veggie Egg White "Omelette" (on the side).

The Wake-Up Wrap normally comes with the "fried egg patty", which I knew I didn't want.  I also didn't really want the other option, the veggie egg white "omelette", but I knew my mom might, so I asked for it on the side.  

This was no problem, and just heated and placed in its own bag.  

Veggie Egg White (on the side).

It was half a round patty I believe, likely a full one is provided in the breakfast sandwiches, and the half size is used in the Wake-Up Wraps to mirror the half moon shape?

It is just egg white with some bits of green peppers, red peppers, and spinach.  It was exactly what you'd expect - a fast food steamed egg white patty with no flavor or texture worth nothing.

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Insomnia Cookies

By now you know I'm a dessert lover, in particular baked goods.  But I've never been really into cookies.  Not packaged cookies, not homemade cookies, not fancy bakery cookies.  Just, generally, not my thing.  I think my "eh" feeling towards cookies grew even more in adulthood, when I became more snobby, and thought of them as "not even a real dessert", as in, not worthy enough, as they were "just cookies", not some plated Michelin star dessert, or at *least* something warm, freshly baked, and a la mode.  Maybe an ice cream sandwich made with fresh cookies and fancy ice cream could be a "real" dessert, but the rest?  Got a big "eh" from me.

That is, until the pandemic, until I was at home all the time, and I had a lot of changes in food preference, many born out of laziness, many born out of lack of access to fancy things.  One of said changes was regarding cookies.  I didn't just come to tolerate them, I ... became a bonafide cookie monster.  I craved them.  Particularly chocolate chunk cookies, warm, dunked in milk.  Glory.  I'm not sure what took me so long.

Anyway, during early 2021, I started seeking out cookies, everywhere.  When many places scaled back their menus, cookies seemed constants.  While many places stopped making things in house, cookies seemed constants, again, even corner pizza places still baked off fresh cookies.  And thus, cookies it was, often picked up as part of daily ritual to get out of the house, enjoyed later at home warmed up slightly, with requisite glass of milk.

Which brings me to Insomnia Cookies, where I walk by frequently.  The aroma of fresh baked cookies is inescapable, and people are always coming out, boxes (pizza box style) of fresh cookies in hand.

I finally had to try them.  Insomnia is a chain, ~100 locations nationwide, and now, two locations in SF.

Cookie Bag.

One key feature of Insomnia Cookies is that their cookies are always warm.  Until 3am.  Sure, not because they are super fresh, but because they are kept in a warmer.  I guess when your entire business is cookies, you gotta nail them?  They also have a club, with a monthly fee of $9.99, the CookieMagic club, which gives you a free cookie "every day that ends in 'y'".  If you really did stop by daily, that puts your cost-per-cookie at only $0.33, which sure is a deal.  Um, if you frequent the area and really want a daily cookie.

Anyway.  Insomnia offers mostly cookies, "Classic" ones (chocolate chunk, oatmeal raisin, sugar, M&M, and other classics), a handful of vegan options, a couple gluten-free, and "Deluxe" larger sized, cookies with more interesting additions (triple chocolate, s'mores, chocolate peanut butter cup, etc).  They also have a few flavors of ice cream, and cookies are available made into ice cream sandwiches as well.

Original Review, May 2021

White Chocolate Macadamia. $2.25.

"This snack operates on island time. A coconut-y cookie with bits of macadamia nut and creamy white chocolate chips."

For my first cookie, I went for the most exciting, not caffeinated cookie: white chocolate macadamia. I was tempted to start super simple, with the sugar cookie, but, white chocolate macadamia really is my fav.

It was handed over, warm as expected.

I was a little shocked at how greasy the bag got, quickly.  Picking up the cookie, my fingers were instantly covered in grease (butter?).  It was honestly a little off-putting.

It was an ok cookie.  I appreciated that it was warm, and it was the perfect soft texture I like.  All that was great.  And it did have large white chocolate chunks, and nearly full size macadamias.  Again, good.  But it was very very sweet, very very buttery, and not necessarily in a winning way.  A bit hard to describe really, but, it wasn't quite as awesome as I had hoped it would be.  Fine, but not great.

Well made, the right texture, kudos for warm cookie, but not something I'd get again.

***.

Double Chocolate Chunk. $2.25.

"Our dark chocolate cookie is taken to its drool-worthy peak with chunks of smooth, melty milk chocolate."

My second cookie was not any better.  Again warm, soft, looked and smelt great.  The chocolate was all melty.  Awesome.

But it was just ... chocolate.  Chocolate brownie-like base, and the melty chocolate chunks were nice, but, still, it didn't pop.  Missing something essential, like a dash of sea salt?

I didn't care for it much, although it was better with ice cream when I got home.

**+.

Vegan Birthday Cake. $2.50.

"Sweet vanilla and all of the sprinkles make this an extra special vegan treat for an extra special day."

Am I vegan?  Ha, far from it.  So why on earth would I get a vegan cookie?

Well, I mostly did it out of curiosity, but also, for the flavor.  I like sprinkles!  Insomnia doesn't have a birthday cake classic cookie (although they have Deluxe Confetti one, which is a sugar cookie with rainbow sprinkles and white chocolate chips).  So if I wanted sprinkles, I needed to splurge for Deluxe, or go vegan.  So vegan it was.

I was pleasantly surprised by this cookie.  It was warm like all the others, and perfectly soft.  The texture was quite different though, not as greasy/oily as the others, and I appreciated that greatly.  The cookie was sweet and decadent tasting, in a buttery sugar cookie way, and I loved the sweet sprinkles throughout.  

I wouldn't go out of my way for this cookie, but I did enjoy it, and would get it again.  The best Insomnia cookie I tried.

***+.

Update Review, March 2022

Since my previous visits to Insomnia always smelt and looked better than they actually were, I didn't seek Insomnia Cookies out again.  Except, um, Insomnia Cookies seems to have sought *me* out.  Yup, they opened a location on the corner of my block.  Doh.  Remember that aroma I told you about?  Yes, inescapable, really, now.

So of course, I stopped in the first day they were open.

Lemon Poppyseed. $2.
(Spring 2022 Special).

"Melt in your mouth cookies with a pop of fresh tart lemon essence, sprinkled with poppy seeds."

In early Spring 2022, Insomnia launched two new cookies, for about a month only: lemon poppyseed, and hibiscus berry.  Although the hibiscus berry looked pretty, I wasn't really interested in it.  And I wasn't really excited about the idea of a lemon poppyseed cookie either, but since I hadn't been in love with any previous cookies, I went for it, mostly out of curiosity.  How *would* lemon poppyseed, a flavor I most associate with muffins, translate into cookie form?

Like all Insomnia cookies, it was served warm, so it was beautifully soft, just a slight chew to the edge.  It tasted like ... well, an overly sweet lemon poppy muffin?  I think it would have worked better as a shortbread base, with lemon accents and poppy seeds, rather than a sugar cookie base.  Somehow, it was basically just a sweet muffin taste, but, yes, in cookie form.  In a muffin, I can usually detect the poppy seeds as textural bits, but here I never really detected them, so that crunch was lost.

Overall, different I guess, but perhaps there is a reason we don't see lemon poppyseed cookies?

***.

Birthday Cake (Vegan). $2.

"Sweet vanilla and all of the sprinkles make this an extra special vegan treat for an extra special day."

The only cookie from Insomnia Cookies that I quasi-liked before was the Birthday Cake, available only in vegan form.  Nothing else called out to me, so I got it again, although I was tempted to try another vegan option, either chocolate chunk or double chocolate chunk.  If I didn't really care for the regular one, maybe the vegan base was better?  One of these days, I'll splurge for the Deluxe Confetti cookie, that has sprinkles and white chocolate chips, but costs nearly double ($3.50).

Anyway, the cookie was about as I remembered.  Soft and warm as always, sweet, sorta buttery tasting (even though, clearly, not butter), sorta cake batter tasting.  A good enough cookie, better with some ice cream sandwiched between it.

***+.

Update Review October & November 2022

Double Chocolate Chunk. $2.

"Our dark chocolate cookie is taken to its drool-worthy peak with chunks of smooth, melty milk chocolate."

I'll admit that I forgot I had tried this variety before, and didn't care for it.  I was really in a chocolate mood though, and this just called out.

The chips were nicely melty.  The cookie was soft and warm.  It *should* have been good, but ... I just really didn't care for it.  It was too rich, and not in a good way.  I tried dunking it in milk, I tried doing it a la mode, and it was just ... too much sweet and too much I didn't like.  I still don't understand how I dislike it so much, but, I do!

Dear self: do not be tempted by this one again.

*+.

Side: Chocolate Cookie Butter. $3.50.

"We’ve blended our ooey-gooey Classic Chocolate Chunk into a spreadable treat. Amp up the warm, delicious dessert action by adding to ice cream, brownies and your favorite cookies."

At some point I discovered the fun sides at Insomnia.  I think intended to be spread on a cookie, but they have things like buttercream or cream cheese icing, and some different cookie butters, all available as a side.  I decided to try the most decadent sounding one, the chocolate cookie butter, after having gone through a bit of a cookie butter craze after trying crazy delicious cookie butter (lotus cream) from Anita Gelato.  Now, obviously this would be different, since made with their chocolate chunk cookies (which I don't care for), and not Lotus cookies, but it still had potential right?

When I picked it up, I mentioned that it sounded fun, and the staff member told me pretty clearly that she doesn't like it.  She said it was too rich, too chocolatey.  Well, that wasn't an endorsement (and it kinda mirrored how I felt about the double chocolate chunk cookie ...).  I appreciated her honestly.

I thought it was fine - it was indeed quite rich, it was reasonably chocolately.  Very thick.  Slightly nutella-eque, even though it doesn't have hazelnuts.  It was tasty enough spread on just about whatever I had around - pretzels, strawberries, toast, rice rusks, etc.

I probably wouldn't get this again, but it was tasty, and the portion was quite generous for $3.50.  ***.

Update Review, September 2023

Confetti Cookie Cake: Hunk.

"A tricked-out sugar cookie filled with rainbow sprinkles and vanilla-flavored chips."

My co-workers ordered one of those big cookie "cakes", and had plenty left over.  I of course took a hunk, curious to try the non-vegan version of the confetti cookie, as I had actually quite liked the vegan one.

It was soft, sweet, buttery, loaded with sprinkles and some sweet chips, and it was quite enjoyable.  Definitely my style of cookie.  ***+.

Vegan Double Chocolate Chunk. $2.95.

"A vegan spin on our Classic Double Chocolate cookie with the same levels of dark chocolate decadence and melty (dairy-free) chocolate chunks."

Pretty much the only cookies I've liked from Insomnia are the vegan birthday cake and the confetti cookies.  I always want to like their chocolate cookies, but, never have.  But the vegan birthday cake is so good, I decided to try another vegan cookie, to see if maybe the vegan chocolate base was better than their regular chocolate base.

This was an ok cookie.  Soft, nice chew.  Decently deep chocolate flavor.  Definitely didn't taste odd or vegan.  Nice melty chips.  Better than the regular ones I think, but not a particularly compelling cookie overall.  ***.

Update Review, Dec 2023

As you know from my previous reviews, I have no particular love for Insomnia Cookies, but, I do love freebies, and they do them frequently, and there happens to be one literally on my street corner.  And thus, I find myself eating far more of their cookies than makes sense for someone who generally considered them "meh".

My visits this time all featured seasonal specials, which I enjoyed trying just for variety sake, and, my first ever Deluxe cookie (since not normally included in the free options, I've never splurged for one).

Candy Apple (Fall Seasonal). $3.20.

"Sugar cookie packed with toffee, apples, HERSHEY'S Kisses + M&Ms® MINIS."

This cookie just sounded, well, confused.  Toffee apples are a thing, and fall seasonally appropriate.  But ... why add Hershey Kisses and M&Ms to it?  Yes, those are also fall seasonally appropriate in the trick or treat sense, and are a version of "candy" as in "candy apple" but ... I mostly got this because it just sounded odd.

It tasted basically exactly as I expected.  It was kinda just a simple M&M cookie, but then it had little chewy bits of apple, and little bursts of toffee.  I don't think of chocolate and apples as going together particularly well, and they didn't really.  I did like the different textures, and every component was fine, but, it tasted as muddled flavor-wise as I thought it would.  A nice soft cookie though.  **+.

This seasonal special flavor was $3.20, slightly more than the rest of the classics that are $2.95.

Reese's Peanut Butter Filled Deluxe (Fall Seasonal). $4.95.

"HERSHEY'S dark chocolate cookie + mini REESE'S peanut butter chips filled with the iconic REESE'S peanut butter you're obsessed with."

For Halloween, Insomnia went all in Reese's candies, stuffing this one with Reese's peanut butter and including their peanut butter chips.  No iconic Pieces or cups, but, all the chocolate and peanut butter vibes nonetheless.

The cookie itself was a chocolate cookie, not particularly interesting, not a nice deep brownie like flavor, even though they said it was made with dark chocolate.  Because it is a Deluxe cookie, it is much thicker than the classics.

Reese's Peanut Butter Filled Deluxe: Inside.

The cookie was studded with a few tiny peanut butter chips, but the real peanut butter component was inside, as the center was entirely made of peanut butter.  It was not particularly good peanut butter, and not particularly creamy, but it did taste strongly of peanut butter.  It was much better warm and gooey.

Like most Deluxe cookies, it clocks in a heavier calorie count, which is also expected due to the peanut butter, with 630 calories.  A solid "meh" and not a cookie that I felt was worth eating unless warm and topped with ice cream.  ** plain, *** with ice cream.

This seasonal Deluxe was $5.45, a bit more than the rest of the regular Deluxe at $4.95.  I can't imagine paying that much for this.

Speculoos (Winter Seasonal). $3.20.

"A cookie made with cookies? Nope, you’re not dreaming. Well, maybe you are, but it’s real. Cookie-butter inspired cookie dough with cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg and clove."

Ok, so I don't really like Biscoff cookies (e.g. speculoos) but I do love cookie butter, so when I saw this seasonal special I somehow looked right past the fact that it was made more seasonally appropriate with winter spices (cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, clove).  I was thus a bit surprised when I took my first bite and tasted, well, savory seasoning, and not just delightful sweet cookie butter.  

Frankly, I didn't really taste *any* cookie butter, and mostly just tasted a spiced cookie with some sweet bits (which turned out to be caramel chips and Heath toffee bits).  It was a fine "winter spice cookie", nicely soft, and I liked the pops of caramel/toffee, but it certainly let me down in the cookie butter department.

Like all Insomnia cookies, I appreciated the soft nature, but didn't find it actually that great.  I wouldn't get this flavor again. **+.

This seasonal special flavor was $3.20, slightly more than the rest of the classics that are $2.95.

Update Review, December 2024

By now you know that I don't love Insomnia cookies.  But, they give a lot of random free cookies, and I like free things, and thus, I keep trying more.  Most are pretty average, and not something I'd go purchase, but I've continued to find a few that I do enjoy.

Chocolate Chunk (Vegan). $2.95.

"A vegan cookie that warms your soul with generous amounts of rich, buttery flavor and ooey-gooey (dairy-free) chocolate chunks."

Insomnia makes 3 vegan classic cookies: the birthday cake that I like, the double chocolate chunk that I liked more than the non-vegan one, but still didn't like, and this, the classic chocolate chunk.  It was the last of the vegan cookies that I tried, because chocolate chunk is just kinda boring to me in general, but, I wanted to see if my theory that the vegan regular base really is better than the non-vegan for all of them held true.

And ... it does.  While I still won't rave about this cookie and proclaim it amazing, the soft, strangely sweet, vegan base worked for me.  The edges were less crispy than the non-vegan version, which I also prefer.  Chocolate chunks tasted pretty normal, even if they were dairy free.  The distribution and quantity of the chunks was not great, but not that offensive.

So overall, decent base taste, nicely soft, and some chocolate.  ***.

Peanut Butter Chip. $2.95.

"A total peanut butter stunner. Our soft, sweet peanut butter cookie filled with creamy peanut butter chips."

I opened my bag and was really delighted with the incredible peanut butter aroma.  That said, I still doubted it would be nearly as good as it smelt, as Insomnia cookies do generally let me down.

But ... finally a good Insomnia flavor!  And they aren't overselling with the "peanut butter stunner" description either.  These really did deliver in the peanut department.  The first ingredient?  Not even flour/butter/sugar, it is the peanut butter chips (flour is next), then peanut butter as number three.  Really great peanut butter flavor, and the chips gave even stronger bursts of peanut-y ness.

Standard Insomnia pedigree of a lovely soft cookie with slightly crisp edges, served warm, which truly does kick them up a notch.  ****.

Double Chocolate Mint. $2.95.

"Our take on a favorite flavor combo. A warm dark chocolate cookie with mint chips and chunks of milk chocolate."

I haven't cared for the other chocolate based cookies from Insomnia in the past, but ... I was drawn to the idea of mint chocolate, and decided to take a risk again with a chocolate base.

The base cookie was soft, with lightly crisp edges, like most Insomnia cookies.  It had a decent cocoa flavor, but just not one I found very compelling.  The chocolate chips and mint chips were both nicely melty and reasonably well distributed, although there weren't really that many of the mint, and thus several bites were just chocolate.  I did like the mint chips.

A warm bite with multiple mint chips was fairly pleasant, but overall this just wasn't a cookie I really wanted. **.

White Chocolate Macadamia. $2.95.

Even though I found the white chocolate macadamia to be underwhelming when I had it from Insomnia a while ago, when an event I was at had the choice of chocolate chunk, snickerdoodle, or this, I went for it again. 

And ... yeah, I just don't like these cookies, even though I like everything in it: white chocolate, macadamias, sugar, butter ... how do they turn out so blah?  I don't know.  But I really don't care for these.  The cookie is too crispy, the base flavor isn't very good.  The white chocolate chips are the waxy and blah kind that give white chocolate a bad reputation.  The macadamias somehow aren't even very good.  Do not like.  *+.

Sugar. $2.95.
(December Limited Flavor)

"Simply the best. A melt-in-your-mouth, buttery cookie with hints of vanilla."

I had kinda given up on Insomnia and the regular Classic cookies. But I had a free cookie on my account to redeem, and it could only be a regular Classic - NOT any of the limited time great sounding winter holiday Classics, NOT the vegan ones I had liked more than their regular counterparts.  Just the total standard, basic, Classics. The regular Classics that I had not really liked ... any of.  Boo.

So I took a gamble and tried one I hadn't tried yet: the very, very basic sugar cookie.

It wasn't bad (but it wasn't actually all that good either).  Like all Insomnia cookies, it was served lightly warm.  It was nicely soft, with slightly crisp edges.  And like all Insomnia cookies, when I went to pluck it from the bag when I got home, the bag was soaked through with grease/oil, which always slightly surprises me ... how can a cookie be that oily?

It tasted like a sugar cookie sliced from one of those refrigerated store bought dough rolls and baked off. The kind that my mother certainly would have always turned her nose up at - particularly passing judgement on the mothers who sent their children to bake sales with those as "homemade" cookies, or perhaps even worse, those who showed up at potlucks or family events with them (yes, my mother is a firm believer in truly homemade cookies, and I grew up in a house that always had a full cookie jar, always homemade).  Which is to say, it had an extremely familiar and fairly comforting taste.  "Ah yes, generic store bought sugar cookie dough, I know this!"  It was sweet, buttery, sugary. Basic, but it did the trick.

That said, to me, a sugar cookie is only something I have when I make decorated cookies.  So to me, a sugar cookie is a great *base*, but not a standalone cookie.  It is simple blank canvas ready for far too much icing and sprinkles.  And excuse to just eat more sugar.  Thus it just felt unfinished ... where were the toppings?

***.

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Griffins Marvels Popcorn

Let's start with an education for those who haven't been to Australia.  The Golden Gaytime is a popular ice cream novelty treat, made by Streets, and I've reviewed it before.  The Gaytime is a frozen ice cream adjacent novelty on a stick, with vanilla and toffee ice cream inside, chocolate coating, and biscuit crumble over it all.  It is iconic, and vendors of all kinds try to use it for inspiration for items, like the truly incredible Golden Gaytime french toast I had at Three Williams once (truly the best french toast-ish dish I've ever had), or the savory lamb rib with crunchy nuts at (now closed) Pinbone.  

Snack foods manufacturers also get in on the trend, which leads us to Griffins Marvels, an Australian brand.  They have no connection to Marvels the comics, as far as I know.  They tend to make items like biscuits and cookies (which do come in a Golden Gaytime inspired flavor too), but they also make ... popcorn!  Regular readers of my blog will know how much I adore all things popcorn, so to say I was overjoyed when some Australian co-workers visited and brought me a bag of, wait for it, GOLDEN GAYTIME POPCORN is an understatement.

Golden Gaytime Popcorn.

"A popped time is a Gaytime! Golden Gaytime Popcorn - The iconic combination of Gaytime vanilla biscuit crumbs and toffee you love, now in irresistibly delicious morsels of popcorn!"

I took a huge handful to start.

Wowzer. This is, well, sweet doesn't even begin to sum it up.  It literally makes my teeth hurt to think about it, let alone consume a handful.  And yes, the first ingredient, literally, is indeed sugar.  This stuff is intensely sweet.  Under the thick, sweet caramel there is well popped popcorn, and it is drizzled with additional sweet white and milk chocolates, and coated with some biscuit crumb (although I didn't really find much of that), but the toffee is definitely the dominant thing going on here.

Now, did it remind me of a Golden Gaytime?  Not exactly.  But the vanilla and toffee aspects were definitely there and unique from most caramel corn.  I think if the biscuit component was more prevalent it would be more akin to a Gaytime.

It is good, don't get me wrong, but I really couldn't eat more than a few pieces at at time (which is perhaps good, as the small bag has what they say is 5 servings).  I found it best to just pop a few pieces alongside a dark, black coffee or glass of red wine (the pairings really do work!), or to mix it with plain popcorn.

I was glad to try this, but I don't think I'd actually purchase it again.  ***+.

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Desserts from The Buoy

The Buoy is Korean cafe and bakery in Hayes Valley.  In addition to coffee drinks, teas, and fun beverages like a black sesame or toasted coconut latte, they make a variety of baked goods, and a couple Korean inspired paninis.

"At Buoy, our mission is to elevate your mood with sweet and healthy desserts that cater to everyone. We aim to redefine gluten-free treats and offer a refreshing twist on traditional coffee drinks. Our goal is to provide you with an experience that feels both special and comfortably familiar."

The baked goods are particularly noteworthy as they mostly all use rice flour, and are thus gluten-free.  I only got to try one type of item (roll cakes) at an event I attended that featured them, but I'd love to try some of their other items, such as teh sweet pumpkin cupcake, black sesame brownie, or ssuk tiramisu.

Assorted Roll Cakes. $42 each.

Roll cakes are available in only 3 flavors: matcha, raspberry, and red bean.  They sell for $8/slice, $26 half (3 slices), or $42 whole (6 slices).  We had all 3 flavors, all full size.  The cakes were quite attractive, and the pastry chef / owner's background in industrial design was slightly evident, as care as clearly taken to the visual appeal.

Raspberry.

I started with the raspberry flavor.

The cake had a nice swirl pattern, and was actually raspberry flavored (I had assumed it was just colored, not flavored).  It was light and airy chiffon, which is just never my favorite type of cake.  I prefer denser, sweeter, more buttery American style cake.  But for a chiffon, I think it was well baked.

The filling was fairly heavy, rich dense cream cheese filling.  It was quite fruity and raspberry flavored too, with bits of berries in it.  There was something about the taste of the filling I didn't really like, and I couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly.  It was sour almost.

Overall, this was a very fruity cake, and the lightness of the chiffon and the heaviness of the filling didn't quite seem to play together well.  At least for me, I wanted a lighter whipped cream style filling to match the lighter cake style (or a denser cake to match the cream cheese style).  I wouldn't get this again.  **.

Matcha.

Next up, matcha.  It too had a lovely pattern in the cake.  It too was intensely flavorful, this time, full on matcha.

The cake was similar light chiffon, and quite matcha forward.  Lovely, I'm sure, if you like chiffon cake.  The filling was also deeply matcha flavored, and less rich/cream cheese like than the raspberry cake.  It seemed a better match for the cake, but it was so much matcha that it was a bit one-note.  I think I'd personally enjoy it more to have perhaps the raspberry cake with matcha filling (or really, taro cake with matcha filling, but they don't do a taro version).

So again, a fine cake for the style it is, and definitely ones for matcha lovers, but not something I'd get again myself.  ***.

Red Bean.

I saved the surprise hit for last: red bean.

This cake was actually the most boring, just plain chiffon, no design, no flavor.  So that element was ho-hum, and not a style I like.

But the filling was great.  A cream based filling again, I'm not sure if cream cheese or just whipped cream, as it was minimal, this was mostly mashed red bean, with plenty of bits of red bean in it.  Sweetened, but not too sweet.  And ... surprise!  It had mochi bits!  I loved the texture of this mix, the flavor, and really everything about it.

****+ filling, ** cake, so overall, ***+, and by far my favorite of the cakes.  I'd get this again.

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Junior's Cheesecake

Junior's Cheesecake is one of the more well known brands of cheesecake in the US.  It comes from a restaurant, Junior's, which opened in Brooklyn in 1950.  It has its roots as a diner and Jewish deli, but cheesecake is their claim to fame.  They have since expanded to several other locations, including a ridiculously busy one right near Times Square that I've walked by before.  They also run a wholesale bakery and offer the cheesecake for nationwide delivery (including through QVC, which I honestly didn't realize was still a thing!), and have some retail grocery partners (including Costco, which we'll get to soon).

So why is the cheesecake so "famous"?  First, it is a unique style, using a recipe with a sponge cake base instead of graham cracker crust.  And then there are the actual awards, like how NY Magazine conducted a blind taste test and rated Junior’s as the best.  And the celeb fans of course.  

At this point, Junior's makes a slew of different cheesecakes, in more flavors than the Cheesecake Factory even. You can get fruity flavors like strawberry, pineapple, or key lime, or crumb topped like cherry or apple.  A slew of chocolate options including a multi layer cheesecake and chocolate mousse, epic looking devil's food one with cake layers too, Oreo studded, etc, etc.  Of course they have seasonal offerings too, and low carb ones, and no sugar added ones, and mega 6 pound ones.  And plenty that I'm not sure really qualify as cheesecake ... if the dessert is 60% funfetti cake and 20% frosting and 20% cheesecake ... isn't that more of just a cake?  What about the one that is more brownie than cheesecake?  The restaurants also carry other baked goods like cookies and cupcakes.

I'd heard of Junior's long ago, and have walked by their crazy busy Times Square location many times, but even though I'm a huge dessert girl, I never had a chance to try it until recently, when a co-worker brought in a selection of the Junior's offerings sold at Costco.  Spoiler: I've been missing out!

Mini Variety Pack.

The offering from Costco is minis, truly minis, only 1.5 ounces each. The Costco variety pack comes with 3 flavors: Original, Strawberry Swirl, Chocolate Swirl.  This particular assortment and style is only sold at Costco, although they do sell bigger 4 ounce "Little Fellas" for $5.95 each at their restaurants.

Of particular note is that the minis are all crustless, which I know some people complain about, but frankly, given how much I tend to not like standard graham cracker based crusts, I see as only a good thing.  No soggy sawdust layer to scrape off!  That said, my understanding is that Junior's actually uses a sponge cake base, not a graham cracker one, on their full size pies, which does sound fascinating.  I'm not sure I'd want that texture though with creamy cheesecake?

Original New York

"These mini versions of our Original New York Cheesecake are perfect for parties and can be served with a variety of toppings.  Smooth and light, soft and creamy, heavenly and delicious. The Junior’s cake that started it all."

I started with the most basic: the original.  

I was instantly blown away by just how smooth and creamy it was.  Wow.  Exceptionally smooth cheesecake.  Almost too smooth even, as the consistency, particularly when room temp (which is how they recommend serving it, not fresh from fridge), veered into pudding territory (although it held its shape fine).  More chilled though, the texture is just fantastic.

The cheesecake flavor was pretty standard, not overly sweet, not particularly heavy handed in the cream cheese, just classic NY style (not ricotta based).  It didn't seem to have notes of lemon or anything else, just, pure classic NY cheesecake.  Sweetness level was just right for me. 

This was touch boring since just plain cheesecake, and no crust, but it really was a blank canvas, and easy to add fresh fruit, a drizzle of sauce, etc.  I'd gladly get this again. ****.

Strawberry Swirl

"Set your taste buds awhirl with a strawberry swirl! Enjoy the smooth richness of Junior’s Original Cheesecake blended with a delicious swirl of fresh strawberry puree."

Next up, the raspberry swirl.  I assumed it would be like many cheesecake brands, where the mini has a tiny swirl on top and no real marbling throughout, but this did indeed have strawberry puree in the middle as well.  The berry flavor wasn't super pronounced, but it was fruity and added a bit of interest to the base cheesecake.

The cheesecake body was the same as the original, just so exceptionally smooth and creamy.  No complaints at all.  I again chose to add some fresh berries to jazz this up a bit.  ****.

Chocolate Swirl

"The Chocolate Swirl Cheesecake is pure indulgence. Chocolate is added directly to the famous cheesecake recipe and swirled with the Original New York for a seductive marble effect."

And lastly, chocolate swirl.  I don't tend to go for chocolate cheesecakes, and although the chocolate here was minimal, it still was my last pick to try.  I assumed it would have chocolate inside like the strawberry swirl, but it did not.  So the chocolate component really was just that little swirl on top, and I barely tasted it. And otherwise, this was just yet another fabulous, insanely smooth, excellent cheesecake. **** for this one too, went great with fresh strawberries.

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Hostess Desserts

Update Review, 2024

When I visit my hometown, I sometimes raid my father's snack foods stash, which often has packaged snack cakes in it.  I didn't grow up in a house with Hostess products in it, and they still are fairly rare now, so I still find it novel to try them when I spot them.

Patriotic Cupcake.
(Seasonal)

"Set off the fireworks for limited edition HOSTESS red, white, and blue themed cakes. Star Spangled CupCakes take on a whole new look with fun blue icing and a red squiggle. The yellow cake is moist as ever with creamy filling."

"Celebrate the holiday with HOSTESS® Patriotic CupCakes, available for a limited time only. Popping with sprinkles, these perfect party cupcakes sparkle with colorful red, white and blue. Take a bite into the frosted yellow cake with creamy filling and prepare to LIVE YOUR MOSTESS."

For the 4th of July, Hostess had a special patriotic cupcake available.  I had tried the orange cupcake a year or so prior, and didn't really like it, but how could I resist the limited edition item and the festive topping?  It was attractive enough.

The hard blue icing and sprinkles were probably the best part.  They tasted like sugar, and nothing else, no specific flavor at all, but were fine.  The "creamy filling" tasted like, well, sugar as well, and Crisco or something.  There wasn't a lot of it, but I didn't really want there to be more.  And as for the cake itself ... 

Ingredients!?!

The cake was moist.  I'll give it that.  But wow it tasted like just a bunch of chemicals.  There was nothing fresh, nothing remotely homemade about it.  It too tasted very plain, again no real flavor, not vanilla, not even classic "yellow" cake flavor if you know what I mean.  It just tasted like chemicals, which, it turns out, it was.  The ingredient list was terrifyingly long.  There was no reason to eat this cake.

So, hard sugar topping, chemical moist plain cake, and Crisco cloying sweet filling.  The appeal of these was lost on me, clearly.  I pondered heating another one up and topping it with ice cream, but decided it really wasn't worth trying to jazz it up, I had plenty of other better items to dig into.  *+.

Hostess also makes Star Spangled Ding Dongs, and Red, White, and Blue Twinkies for the holiday.

Twinkie.

"You don’t need a description. This is why you’re here. The Original Golden Snack that’s been putting smiles on faces for generations."

"A ready-to-enjoy snack cake, Hostess Twinkies are famous for their golden, fluffy exterior and irresistible creamy filling. Each sweet bite delivers a burst of soft and creamy goodness. Great for lunches, sharing and snacking on the go. Soft and fluffy golden cakes. Delicious, creamy filling center."

This ... may have been my first Twinkie?! Or at least the only one I've had since I started taking photos of things, or reviewing food items.  I also have no memory of actually eating a Twinkie, so it may very well be true.  Either way, I don't feel like I've been missing out at all.

The Twinkie was pretty similar to the cupcake really: moist but plain and chemical tasting cake, Crisco sweet plain filling.  Again not tons of filling, but reasonable amount, and I didn't want more.  Besides being obviously very processed and fake tasting, it also was just a bit one-dimensional for me.  Imagine just having some jam in there or ... something?  It was fake and bo-ring.  Is this why people deep fry them? *.

Original Review, April 2022

Hostess.  As in, Hostess Cupcakes, probably *the* most well known packaged snack baked goods out there, and yet to me, a relatively unknown entity.  Twinkies, Zingers, Hohos, Snowballs, etc ... I know the names, sure, but none of them were really known to me.

Yes, really.  While other kids at school had lunch boxes complete with these things of wonder (or so I imagined), I always had homemade cookies, unless I was really lucky, and had managed to convince mom to get some Little Debbie Nutty Bars (which, as you may recall from my review a few years ago, still really are good!).  My dad was #teamDrakes (see old review), so when his treats were in stock, it was Devil Dogs.  And thus, Hostess products just never really found their way into my house, even though the cakes are obviously quite iconic.  

Snack Cakes

In adulthood, I finally tried the cupcakes, available in the signature chocolate version with white icing inside, or a similar "golden" version with gold-ish cake.  They also now come in a slew of more interesting varieties like birthday cake, lemon, and even "patriotic" (seasonal).

I finally tried one.

Orange.

"Known for curing appetites, rather than scurvy, these Orange flavored CupCakes will take your taste buds someplace sunny and 75."

Orange is not exactly the variety I would gravitate towards normally, since I'm not generally one for citrus desserts, but for some reason, on a day when I was craving buttercream and frosting and sweetness, these orange cakes jumped out.

The construction of the orange cakes is the same as the more common varieties: cake, white cream filling, hard (orange) frosting top, signature squiggle.

I took my first bite, and was blown away by the strong orange flavor.  There is no doubt whatsoever that these are orange flavored, as artificial as it may be.  Orange, orange, orange.  So strong.  If you like orange, well, these could be for you.

The icing on top was really quite hard.  I'm not sure what I expected, as it clearly isn't fluffy buttercream, but I still was surprised by how firm it was.  It was crazy sweet, the flavor a bit hard to explain, just, um, sweet?  I do not think there was orange flavor in it, despite the obvious orange color.  My craving for frosting was really not met by this topping, but it isn't trying to be frosting.

The cake itself was fairly moist, and quite dense, and wasn't awful, but certainly didn't taste fresh.  It however is where the orange flavor was, and I really did not care for that.  

Inside was a tiny amount of white frosting, quite sweet, and with no actual real flavor to it.  There wasn't enough to make up for the lack of fluffy frosting on top.

So overall, um, orange flavor dislikes aside, not really a cupcake in my mind, as it failed in the primary responsibility: frosting delivery vehicle!  Not something I'd pick up again.

**+.

Pies

There are many brands that make hand held "pies", but somehow in my mind, Hostess is *the* gold standard for these items.  Again though, not items I ever had growing up, but always had some jealousy towards.  They've been around ~forever, introduced in the 1970s.

If you are unfamiliar, these are fairly large "hand" pies, rectangular shaped, with crust all around.  The crust isn't like a traditional pie crust though, and is always glazed.  Inside is a fruit and, uh, goo filling.  Fillings range from fruity classics like apple and cherry, to harder to find varieties like blueberry or lemon.

Cherry Pie.

"Don’t leave these on the windowsill, because the neighbor kids will definitely get their hands on them. Individually wrapped and ready to eat, these pies are a family favorite."

The pies come in a cardboard box, really more of a sleeve than anything, with no inner wrapper.  They somehow have an impressive shelf life even without more protection.

And inside, just one, large pie.  My memory is that they used to have 2 smaller square pies inside?  Am I making that up?  Was that another brand?  Was that Drakes?

Cherry Pie: Inside.

Anyway, these "pies" are good for what they are.  The pie crust is hard to describe if you've never had it before - it is not real pie crust, it is not flaky, it is not buttery, but it is also nothing like a danish, nor a cookie, it just is its own thing.  And it is sweet, entirely covered in glaze.  Sorta like what you'd get if you had an item made up of just the outside of a glazed donut, no fluffy donut insides to it.  If that makes any sense.

The cherry pie filling leaves something to be desired if you expect to find actual cherries.  No, this is not even the quality level of canned cherry pie filling.  It is just goo.  Sweet, cherry flavored goo.  

So if you go into this expecting, um, a pie, or even a hand pie with real crust, and anything remotely resembling fruit, you'll be quite sad.  But if you know what you are getting into, it can be kinda satisfying, although clearly not remotely wholesome, and so full of preservatives.  When I went to write this up, I found someone else describe them as "basically hard glazed donut crusts filled with artificial fruit flavored gel", which I think is shockingly accurate.

Interestingly, the box says you can warm them up in the microwave, something I certainly never remember seeing anyone do.  I tried it, but didn't find it added anything to it, and actually, just left it a bit soggy, and unevenly heated.  Boo, microwaves.

I do think it could be better warmed more appropriately (e.g. toaster oven) and served a la mode?  But if you were eating a whole pie, the ice cream addition would be a bit much, as these things clock in 430 calories in the pie alone.

***, and strangely satisfying, but not something I'd seek out unless I was really craving another.

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